Do we repeat our parents mistakes?

Early this morning, even before school begun, my older daughter Dana thought it is a good idea too make mummie angry! Again.

Today’s reason: She secretly put money on her lunch account and we wondered where she got it from. She claimed, from her money box. But me and her dad are sure, she didn’t have 10£ left, as she is way too greedy and likes to spend her money on sweets!

Now you would think, where is the problem, it is for her lunch account after all.

The thing is, she gets a big packed lunch with her which she eats in school on top and she eats a lot of crap including wheat/gluten products which she is not permitted to put anywhere near her body!

Your second question probably is, why no wheat/gluten? Surely she will not throw herself on a floor like a poisoned squirrel, shaking, waiting for the silent death. No, probably not. BUT we are a wheat free household. I developed gluten, lactose and soy intolerance and after I educated myself further what wheat or gluten does to your body, no one gets it.

The thing is, allergies run in our family and there is a chance that Dana could develop some too. Her little sister Cailleach gets horrible eczema outbreaks when she eats some with gluten in it (I wonder why I breastfed her for 11 month, thought breastfeeding prevents allergies?!?)

There is a German saw my grandma used to say in low german:

Was der Esel nicht kennt, das frisst er nicht!  What the donkey doesn’t know he doesn’t eat!

If she doesn’t know how it tastes, she will not miss it in case she develops those allergies (what would I give for a white Twixx, sadly I had to end our wonderful relationship due to intolerance, but no hard feelings here).

I am full of good intentions, but try to make a teenager understand! Sometimes I wish I was deaf, so I can’t hear her ever lasting last words! She doesn’t even know when it is enough or better to keep the mouth shut.

So I looked at her this morning and thought, she will make the same mistakes I did and my mother before me and her mother before her.

Like getting involved with the wrong people, getting pregnant from the wrong man (I don’t wish the death on Dean and Dana’s father, that would be a bit harsh, but it would be nice, if a bus could hit him by accident… and maybes reverse to do it again…), spending money on things no one needs and so on.

But there are always two sites of a story. You can see the glass half full or half empty.

Mine is half full. So when someones asks me about past mistakes I just say, “no mistakes, just a bit rocky”. After all, not so smooth life dramas help you to grow and learn.

Next time, when my daughter angers the you-know-what out of me and I feel my anger veins pumping furiously, I hope I can remember that her life at the moment is just a bit rocky (let’s hope I am also a bit deaf and blind).



The cruel world of mine ( but on second thought…)

Sometimes we all want to wallow in self-pity. We want to mourn. Everything and everyone is mean to us, we could do so much better…

Every now and then I like to be Bridget Jones. Well actually I feel like Bridget Jones.

Surely you know the scene when she is in that Thai prison, crying over her beloved Mark Darcy who is oh so mean to her. The other women ask her what is wrong and she says, he is so mean… The other inmates are telling her their stories of their (really not nice) boyfriends and than she realizes all red faced, that actually she is not doing too bad.

I feel like that when I turn the TV or the radio on.

Where ever you look, death is greeting you! Babies beheaded, children shot in the head, family members left to suffer, killing of innocent people just to make an useless point, news of drowning people who try to flee on boats, children who wear their families blood-soaked clothes to pretend they are dead just to survive. . . the list goes on and on.

The whole world screams, get those who are responsible and kill them, have no mercy!

But is that the answer? To kill even more people? More will follow! I don’t say, surrender, but somehow I like to believe, there must be another way to find our way back to peace and freedom.

So yes, when I see and hear the news, I feel like Bridget Jones. I realize that I am doing pretty good with a family that loves me, a hard working husband who provides a warm roof over our heads and regular warm meals!

So I thank my hubby and God for what I have!



Today’s evening run

It is funny to say it was my evening run, as it was only 4:30pm when I left the house but because it is already dark it feels like evening.

This morning I slept in and was quite annoyed that I wasn’t able to hear the alarm from my rosy cosy land of sheep. Funny thing was,  I was already half awake and wondered what time it was and when the alarm would go off.

And when the second alarm for the children went off, it was too late to go. Also I told myself that it was too stormy anyway and I am not full recovered from my flu. Lying to yourself doesn’t count as real lie, does it?!

To top my already foul mood the car wouldn’t start. Not even a peep was to hear when I tried to start the engine! I stroked said car, whispered words of love, I even begged, but silence was all I got! FINE!

So I marched poor Mouse and Cash to school and it was difficult to keep my temper under control as I really really craved a run. The rest of the morning I spend with labeling parcels I wanted to post of which I did just before I picked Mouse back up. Just imagine me and the buggy stuffed with parcels walking through the storm. Did I mention it was almost only uphill?

The day went on and on… me looking for cars via internet… babies busy with watching Cbeebies (I am a bad parent, I know).

In the end I was so frustrated, I stuffed my face with the rest Popcorn I found in the cupboard (it is not even shitty-friday)… With the veg lasagna already in my belly I felt full and fat and there was no way, I wouldn’t stay at home!

So when Dean and Dana arrived from school, I was already in my running kit. They received short instructions and off I was.

I haven’t been for a run for over 3 weeks. Downhill it was still okay despite the slippery ground. After 10 minutes a bunch of young squaddies where running towards me, still easy breathing like I was. But that changed when I met them again on the other site of the the town. They where running down hill and I tried to make my way up. Both parties heavily breathing with red faces. My lungs where screaming from the long break and from the cold air and I am still bellowing here while I write this!

I hate running in the evening as I am too tired, I am a morning person. In the morning it is no problem at all, I am like a spring chicken who speeds around full of joy in all her glory…. This energy goes down, hand in hand with the sun!

But I am still glad I did it, so hopefully tomorrow morning I will hear the first alarm and I also like to believe, that I will not be aching.

And now all I want to do is to watch yesterday’s latest episode of “Once Upon A Time”. A 2 hour special. After that I go straight to bed!


New Dawm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “New Dawn.”

I set my alarm at 5:55am. Monday to saturday. Every week.

I was all excited yesterday, as I finally feel good enough to go for a run! I felt like Rocky when he  made it up all those stairs and of course my last thoughts where about running.

For me 5:55am is getting up before or with sunset. It is very early for someone who needs a lot of sleep. If I don’t get enough sleep, I am quite grumpy and tend to snap peoples heads off.

No sleep= Don’t talk to me

This morning I heard the alarm… I also heard my daughter getting up and I thought “oh how long was it on, that Dana got up?”.

So I jumped out of bed, grabbed my running kit which was peacefully and patiently waiting next to the bed and got quietly out of the bedroom to see Dana in full school uniform.

I was a bit baffled and asked, why she was already dressed and she said “it is 6:20!”

Stupid mommy left the telephone downstairs instead  on the stairs and overheard it!!!

I SLEPT IN!!! I still feel like a hedgehog who was woken up against his will, now sitting here in front of the notebook in pyjama, unwashed, waiting for a smoothie.

Well I couldn’t have went anyway (aaaaah smoothie just arrived), as it is storming out site. What good would it do, when I go for a run and my 43kg (I am a short ass, hence the light weight, so no worries) frame gets blown away or worse gets hit by a falling branch. Yeah nice image, me bringing my little Miss Mouse to school, with a wounded head and/or black eye.

Okay, me and my foul moode, we should get a move on, BIG LONG SIGH AGAIN…


Further thoughts…blogging 101

When I started running years ago, I hated it!

I thought, okay I go for a quick run, I do exercise so therefor I am fit enough…

How wrong I was! I barely made 200m… I sounded like an ancient engine. A very noisy one… which is falling apart and needs to be pushed rather than move on its own! My lungs where screaming for oxygen, by legs where heavy and my feet didn’t want to leave the ground.

But I didn’t get up and run after run it got easier…

Sometimes I ran more often, sometimes less. But something changed. I can’t even say what triggered it, but I got obsessed and ran nearly every day… I got injured, hellooooo nice shin splints… Like most runners I made a lot of mistakes which caused injuries and a stop to my training for a while.

When I can’t go for a run I feel terrible and people shouldn’t even talk to me, my mood is that bad. Running relaxes me and after one hour or so, my mind shuts down, I don’t even think anymore, I just run.

At the moment I am still a bit ill. Every day I think, I could run anyway, I don’t feel that bad anymore, but then I hear this little annoying voice which sweetly sings “you are not fully recovered, if you train anyway, it will just get worse…” over and over again. So for once my brain takes over and says “no, no training” as I did this mistake many times in the past.

Next year I want to run marathons. I thought probably I have to do a few (half +) marathons first to try an ultra marathon which is my big goal.

I was browsing some marathon/running blogs here (to learn from others and maybe find someone near my are) and came across

Adam Vazquez

And he did what I would love to do! He started running and run within one year a

  • Half Marathon
  • Marathon
  • Ultra Marathon

That is so inspiring!!! So awesome! So I left a comment and the nice fella replied. Of course I had to follow his blog!!! Out of question!

The rest of the evening and before I went to bed I thought about his blog, how he managed his first ultra  and the struggles which came with it and wondered if I could do all that next year as well?

We will see…


Another kind of a shopaholic

I have a dear friend! Her name is Kerstin. I probably love her so much because she is very much like me!

Unless it comes to shopping!

When I went shopping with her for the very first time, she went in every single shop she could physically find! She lives in a very big city!!!

Since then I hate shopping and I can feel for all the men out there!!! How exhausted I felt after hours of walking from shop to shop just to see the same things over and over again!!!

I am not the type of girl who has to see all shops on this earth! When I want to buy something,  I know exactly what I want and where to get it!

No one needs countless pairs of shoes, 50 dresses, 35 jumpers or cardigans (then again… I love cashmere, as it is so nice and fluffy, so soft… and it gives you a nice hug in a cold winters night, right?!? So maybe I make an exception here) or 88 handbags…

We only have one body! Where would you put all these things??? After all, having a huge pile of clothing and accessories is just pure luxury. But that is fine!

I am not a fashion victim. Really! I never stick to the latest fashion, like wearing flokati like vests (who wants to wear a carpet, come one!) or these calf long vests with missing arms. Do you really want to look like a wizard???

I am not addicted at all! But… and now it comes:

When it comes to running clothes, “Inov-8” in particular, no one can stop me!!! I check the website regularly, check on the latest running shoes. Which ones are for road, off road, trail, fell, which one is the latest, what does it have for features, which is the lightest…

Oh and the jackets! Waterproof, windproof, colours, summer, winter, thermo, fleece… Hats and gloves. Merino is the new black!!!

I browse all the latest clothes and tools, also books and right now I am all pins and needles, waiting for my latest order which supposed  to arrive today! I didn’t even go shopping for food, because I am too frightened I could miss the postie!!! Pity I have to leave soon to pick up my little girl from school, but I could run…hmmmm….

Though I still feel ill, I got up at 6am every day to get used to it, as once I get rid of this flu, I will start running at 6am every day to train for a half marathon next year! Usually I run only 4 days a week,

but my real goal is to run ultra marathons!!! Oh just imagine what for nice things I can buy then!!!

This nice running inov-8 vest with the bottles on the front sites would suit me very well (spotted yesterday on the almighty internet). At the back I could stuff the gluten free  chia fruit gels I bookmarked… Oh and the trail shoe which is on offer at the moment would do just fine… Also maybe I should think about a “Buff” headscarf… or maybe I just stick to my cap. Although I should buy a second one, so it doesn’t get boring…

But addicted? A shopaholic? Me? Nah I don’t think so! Those sport items/clothes… THEY ARE OF VITAL IMPORTANCE!!!

Oooooh aaaaahhhhh, I think I am shaking a bit, my heart is racing… maybe it will get better when I order the latest ultra marathon book …. Where is the postie?!? I should go and check our doorbell now,  just in case, you know….


Facebook & Co.

I met my good friend Joana approximately 7 years ago. . . She is such a lovely person. She is smart, she looks good and is just fun to be around! But what really surprised me back then was the fact that she doesn’t have a Facebook account or a  social platform in general!

That really baffled me!

Now, 7 years later she still doesn’t believe in it and do you know what? I get her point!

It all started with the deleting of my “mommycommunity” account a couple of month ago.  I felt too attached and also realized that I spend too much time on the computer and because I didn’t make “real” friends anyway, I thought to myself, “it is not that anyone will miss me” and clicked “delete”.

I didn’t regret it and even felt relieved.

I also have a Facebook account but since I am blogging here I came to the conclusion that Facebook is kind of shallow.

All you see are cute pictures and short messages about they’re life which is fine, but where is the depth in it? What does it really say about the person itself?

Most people I know personally and if they really want to stay in contact, they could still reach me via email or mobile…

Unfortunately the  sad thing is, nowadays it is all about networking, all about social websites.

If you want to promote something, to sell something, to find something or someone, to work, fundraising…. the list goes on and on… social websites are always playing a big part of it.

Call me old fashioned, but do we have  to promote everything over those online sites or/and even worse check it every few minutes on the mobile, almost getting a heart attack because the devise doesn’t load quick enough?

So now I am thinking about deleting my Facebook account, despite the all so called recommendations (promoting my blog, fund raising and so on). Of course I post pictures every know and then and short message as well, but to be honest, mostly I do use it because I am a nosy person- most of us women are, admit it!!!

WordPress on the other hand is different, at least I like to believe so. Why is that?

Because most blogs are like diaries. You are involved somehow in peoples lives though you don’t know them. It is a bit of voyeurism, if you ask me. And who does not like that? It is like reading a book, only that it never ends! You can learn from others, you can archive things you make up your mind over and over again, change your views and maybe outgrow yourself…

So here is my question for you:

Do we really need social websites to stay in contact with others? Do we need it to survive our daily routines???