When I win the lottery

Ever dreamed you won the lottery? No? Sure you did or at least imagined what would it be like, how it would feel! I do that a lot, especially in bed before I fall asleep.

When I would win the lottery I would do the following:

  1. I would buy a Mercedes Benz Viano. Not a new one, one that isn`t older than 2 or 3 years old. One with 8 seats. Awwww a big comfy car where the buggy and children fit in easily must be a bliss!
  2. I would buy this perfect house I found online in Edinburgh. It has one of those 20`s old coloured stone floors in the entrance, fireplaces and a big library which my husband would love
  3. I would sign my children into “Fettes School” in Edinburgh which is a private one.
  4. I would hire an architect to finish my parents house
  5. I would get my dearest friends and family something they really need but can`t afford
  6. IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE: I would buy a B&B and would turn it into a kind of “business”. I would give ex army members the opportunity to get their life back on track. Many live on the streets in the UK because they can`t get a job and/or somewhere to live. I would take them in, help them to find a job and also a flat. The first few weeks would be free of charge. Either I would have to finance it myself but hopefully I would find some sponsors for this project. People who fought for their country shouldn`t live on the street!

That is what I would do. Not to bad, I think. If you get something the least you should do is give a little back.

Ah forgot to mention: I wouldn`t be a woman, if I wouldn`t go for a little shopping trip myself!


E.E. Cummings Quote

Today I did too many things at a time.

While I tried to set up a Facebook page to connect it with my blog, I also had to check the dinner in the oven (I am famous for burning food!) and every time I left the dining room where I currently sit, my son Cash went straight to my notebook to press all sorts of buttons.

Meanwhile I had to check my invoice for the “Ben Nevis – Winter” Walk (a total of 300,-£ which hurts really bad) from 


but couldn`t purchase it (maybe I am too dumb or too old to use online banking).  Also searching for sponsors online…

Then I needed to reply to the lovely company

“Handbag Makeover” http://www.handbagmakeover.co.uk/ where I send a handbag to I finally recently bought to make it look all nice again.

The food which I took out a minute ago, by the way, survived!

I also set up a second donate site but unfortunately can`t use it yet… Reason why I want another site is, because someone tried to hack my Paypal account- SO NOT NICE!!!

So I`ve been on the internet almost all day, oh and did I mention, I also did the laundry, walked Cailleach to school, went shopping for food (I got several complaints from my family because the fridge was empty) and have to go out again in a minute to get some sport items for my other daughter though my head is spinning?

I don`t know why or how I found this lovely quote:

To be nobody but yourself
in a world that`s doing it`s
best to make you somebody
else, is to fight the hardest
battle you are ever going to
fight. Never stop fighting.

E.E. Cummings

That just made my day because it is so true! Enough said for today!


Sporty Life Challenges Part II

I tried to add a site to my blog but for some reason it didn`t work, I just can`t find the site and it also seems that I am to dumb to add a Paypal link properly (any advise would be greatly appreciated). But okay here I go again:

Yesterday I applied for the “Ben Nevis – Winter” Walk and as I mentioned before, I am very excited because this is the very first timer ever, I do something on my own!

You don`t believe me? Well here are some examples of my life in the past:

When I was little I rather stayed inside than playing outside on my own
In school I stayed on the bench during break until break was over or someone asked me to play with her
When it was weekend and no one had time to go clubbing I also stayed at home
I never went to the pictures on my own or to a bar or to a cafe

The point is, I never did something alone because I am to shy to make the first move when it comes to approaching people. I was always the skinny girl, always shorter than everyone else, standing on her own…

I need to change that!!!

And I thought to myself, I would like to do a lot of those challenges like the winter walk and here in the UK are a lot of opportunities. The thing is, those opportunities are often charity ones (which is a good thing of course) and come with travel costs etc. And to be honest, I don`t have that much money to participate in as many I would like.

I want my dreams to come true, I don`t want to miss out!!! No one should!

And do you know what I also thought? Maybe that is my purpose! To participate in challenges to show women like me, that we can make it, that the little shy girl belongs to the past! That I built up something.

And that is why I need support! Yes money-wise, equipment-wise,

I need a sponsor

In return the sponsor can expect me to keep him/her up to date, I will wear they`re clothing, promote their companies. I will upload pictures from the events, will mention them and add links!

I know nowadays money is tight, but even if you are not able to donate, it would be great to share my page. And in case you can donate, here is the link:


The link should direct you to my Paypal donation site!

Thank you for your time!


Ben Nevis – Winter Walk PLEASE DONATE

For the first time ever, I am doing something just for myself! I must be mental, because I am so absolutely not the person who does things on her own except for shopping!

Usually I always need company when it comes to socializing. I would rather stay at home than go to the pictures, for a drink or clubbing!!! Really! I would be much too scared because I would feel like a weirdo all on my own and the fact that, unless someone talks to me first, I am unable to socialize by doing the first step doesn`t help either. I just don`t know how to approach people. Well I do but the fear to get rejected is just too much…

So this is what I just did:

I applied for the “Ben Nevis – Winter” walk beginning on 11. December 2015! Apparently to walk up to Mount Nevis takes between 8 – 10 hours (I am so excited I could wee myself). To participate I had to purchase a fee which was fine with me. But now comes the tough bit:

I have to raise at least 400,-£ for a charity of my choice which is “Willow”


The above link tells you everything about this foundation but to keep it short it makes (last) dreams come true for serious ill people between 16 – 40 years of age.

So if you read this it would be wonderful if you could donate (many a little makes a mickle) or at least share my link on your social websites! That would be greatly appreciated!!!



What ever you do, don`t lower your expectations!!!

For some reason I was always drawn to the bad guys. Or better they where drawn to me. I never looked for a boyfriend, they came to me like flies  to a cow!

I experienced gamblers, street fighters, druggies, psychos (the really bad ones like really really evil ones with twisted minds), mentally unstable still healing from a previous relationship…. you name it.

For different reasons it never worked out so that things ended sooner or later.

When I talked to my grandma, she said, “Well child, I think you should come down from your high horse and lower your expectations, you can`t have it all.” But I went “No, why would I do that? I don`t want to miss out on anything and lower my expectations would be exactly that!”

Another relationship ended and I remembered what my grandma said to me and I thought, maybe she is right, maybe my expectations are really too high. How likely is it to find someone who meets my standards?! It`s like the needle in the haystack. Very difficult if not impossible to find!

I decided to give it a go. I met a nice boy and we have been together 4 years in total. I did lower my expectations. For example was he younger than me, which normally puts me off as I am attracted to older men, but okay he was sweet and good-looking (grin). Unfortunately we  didn`t have anything in common but I thought, that is okay people say that can work.

But it didn`t. The last year was just a drought. I put a lot of effort in to make the relationship work because I didn`t want to fail again but at some point I realized, there was no love and it had to end. And the fact that I felt there isn`t much coming back from him didn`t help either! I also  realized that I shouldn`t have lowered anything as it was just a waste of time despite the nice time we once had!

I always wanted a man who is similar to me, mind wise. With a lot in common, looks is a minor matter but definitely  a plus if the desired person is a hottie!

So no! You shouldn`t lower your expectations! Follow your heart don`t listen what your brain whispers. Your heart and your guts are always right and in the end you will get there (I did)!


Sonnet of life

A sonnet is a first  kiss

which you will forever remember

and always will miss

The sweet kiss so soft so innocent so warm upon your lips

A sonnet is a flower bouquet

It smells so deliciously of freedom of sunshine

Of honesty

It warms your friend’s heart and you she knows we will forever be

A sonnet is family

She is around you, she supports you

No matter how bad the agony

A sonnet is love

A love that pleasures us

In the darkest of hours and will ever last

One Lovely Blog Award

I am nominated for the “One Lovely Blog Award” and would like to say thank you to Kathy who nominated me


one lovely blog award

Here are the rules that accompany the award:
1. Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link to their blog
2. List the rules and display the award
3. Add 7 facts about yourself
4. Nominate 10 – 15 bloggers for the award, and comment on one of their posts to let them know

So here are 7 facts about me:

  1. Patience does not exist in my world. Yes, I have to admit it, I am not very patient.
  2. I hate to repeat myself
  3. I have quite a few tattoos
  4. We move house due to work approximately every two years
  5. Right now my new notebook and specially the UK keyboard is stressing me out as I have to search for dots etc.
  6. I am gluten,- lactose,- and soya intolerant and I am still dying inside when I look at the sweet shelves in supermarkets!!!
  7. I prefer the cold over heat and secretly turn the radiator off without my husband realizing

I nominate the following:

  1. https://toomuchmouthwithnolisteners.wordpress.com/
  2. https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/66210608
  3. https://simpleheadgirl.wordpress.com/
  4. https://cmblackwood.wordpress.com/
  5. https://chasinglifeandfindingdreams.wordpress.com/
  6. https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/81849637/
  7. https://wordpress.com/read/blog/feed/36802032/
  8. http://amanpan.com/
  9. https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/7578668/
  10. https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/100561070/
  11. https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/100009663/

You should check their blogs there are some very funny and talented people out there!

Lost Love

You left me shivering out in the cold

Was that not enough?

You gave me fever when you kissed me

But you shut me out of your world

Was that not enough?

So many words left unspoken

Why does it hurt so much?

Sadness embraced us taking us down

Was that not enough?

You are gone, left me broken

Was that not enough?

Searching for my heart I am tired I wish to give up

Now, now that is enough!

Once you have a family the money is gone!

A few weeks ago I went with my children and husband to the Metrocentre in Newcastle. Actually I don´t really like huge shopping centers, I prefer small shops, specially second-hand shops. However. I went to Richard Nicolls to the bag area and the object of desire was a  cute little  Mulberry handbag.


Believe it or not the beauty cost 650,-GBP! For some of you it might be just peanuts. But for me, well I stood there, touching this soft handbag and even got a bit upset because I knew I can´t afford it! So with a big sigh I put it back on the shelve and said good-bye. On the way home I went all quiet dreaming about the handbag. Don´t get me wrong, I am no handbag addict! Really! The only thing I own which comes close to a handbag is a Fred Perry cotton shopper! Of course hubby said, I can have it if I really want it. But as much I wanted it, I am not that stupid. I rather pay all bills and have money left on the bank!

So for the rest of the day I was sad. Sad that I can´t afford a very pricey handbag followed by anger! Anger because I felt so stupid!

Before I had children (for those who are new to my blog, I have 4 children), I spend all my money on cheap clothes, food, and  went out clubbing every weekend for a long time. I was one of those stupid little kids who didn´t think of tomorrow. Why save money? I want to have fun and live! That´s how I thought!

But eventually reality bit and keeps on biting me in my nice little bum (yes, I train hard for it, this morning I went running with Cash in his stroller and we made every single hill!!!):

If you don´t save any money and I don´t mean just a few bob, you are (sorry for saying it like that) in the shit! Once you have children you need to spend the money on them. Not particularly because you have to, no because you like to of course. And once you have a family, of course you need to spend money on your car which almost falls apart! Did I mention I was so desperate, that I wanted to open a donation account? I thought “when  a woman gets a new pair of boobs donated, surely there will be people out there who will send me money for a proper car…” But when I was on this website (I can´t even recall the name), I was embarrassed, because there where account holders, who really needed money, so I ditched the silly thought!

When you are young you tell yourself, I can still buy me nice designer furniture, clothing, a car or house later! No, you can´t! Every month something new happens. Car bills, school uniforms, school trips, the cat is ill (of course you don´t want that poor thing to suffer, so you go to the vet), dental treatments (we don´t want to end up without any teeth left in the head), mess bills, general bills (house etc.) and of course you need to buy food, sometimes you need new clothes. The list goes on and on…

So I might be only in my mid 30s, but let me tell you this:

Don´t be stupid like I was, and waste your money. Invest in good furniture, quality clothes, one or two posh handbags and save money!!!

I know, I know, money can´t buy you happiness and I am rather poor like a church mouse than unhappy with a lot of money, but sometimes I wished I would have spent my money a bit wiser-

Than I would be able to afford this handbag or other pricey little things women think can´t live without them! SIGH…..


Never forgotten

Granny used to throw us out

Deep deep in the forest you thought

The snow was glistening in the winter sun

You and me on our bikes

It was so much fun

You smile at me as it begins to snow

We stick our tongues out and begin to glow

Today I am out in the forest all on my own

Gone are the funny days and I frown

Dearly you are missed and I start to cry

wondering why is that why oh why