Because my children deserve a better life!!!
Said it all.
…I really wished you would go away!
You are not my friend!
I don’t like your thumping sound in my ear!
Especially not when someone is working, hammering or is doing other noisy stuff next to me!
One day I will find a doctor who knows what he/she is doing and that will be your death!
I hope I made myself clear!
And just to clarify it:
You are annoying, you are not welcome and you better leave this instant!
Also no, I do not wish you farewell!
My heart is so heavy
But the reason is ever so sweet
I carry you in it
The blue in your eyes became a storm
And the fierce fire that has burned within you
Is snuffed out by sheer madness
While your body is violently trembling like a leaf
Shaking from a lovers fading touch
Your flesh still burning
From the remaining bits of love
A distinct scent kisses your shoulder
And endless memories are pumping through your veins
The hollow reflection that stares back at you
From a sea of sadness
Tells you to keep on breathing
Gone is the ones so bright light
Replaced by never ending dark nightmares
Enveloping you like a cozy blanket
Though my eyes have seen it all
And my body felt it
I don’t know fear
I came to realize that I did not appreciate many precious moments I experienced!
When my teenagers where little, all I wished for was them to grow up a bit faster to be more independent.
I felt tired all the time, and every day was just a rush. Rushing to kindergarten, rushing to school, rushing to work…
And before I knew it, my babies turned into teenagers… literally in a blink of an eye and what did I do? I did it again:
When I clashed, as so many times, with my teenage daughter, I wished for her to be older so that she could move out and live her own life.
That is an awful thing to do!
I should have tried to spend more time with them, should have cuddled them more and told them, how much I loved them, I should have surprised them more often with little things or picnics. I should have done that every single day until now and every day coming!
If we are lucky, children live at home for 18, maybe 22… or even 25 years and compared to a (hopefully) long life, that is nothing! Nothing!!! It is such a short time you get to spend with them.
If you are lucky, they love you enough to phone and visit you on a regular basis. And if you are really, really lucky, they even live close by, so that you also get to see your grand-babies!!!
SIGH…. big SIGH….
When I was not working because the children where too little, all I did was complaining because I didn’t get to go out of the house. Complaining how bored and isolated I felt.
Instead I should have been happy about the fact, that I am actually be able to spend so much time with my children, get to sleep more and do what ever I want.
And I know I should show my husband more affection. I know I should miss him when he is away because one day, he might not be around anymore and I might regret my (non-) actions.
In this case it is not funny how my perception has worked out for me. No, it is rather sad.
But this is life and life never goes the way we want it to.
Guess, I keep on trying, trying to be the best mom and wife I can be. Trying to make it better and trying to make the best of life.
Ok, so whooooo of you didn’t keep me posted?!
A few times now it happened that I was introduced to or that someone was talking about their partner.
Partner? I thought.
When I hear someone talking about their other half and is regarding to him/her as partner, I wonder if that person is
a) the same sex or if
b) they are talking about a business partner?
Do the 30 something do that now, referring to our beloved one as partner? And if so, how come I missed this?
Is it outdated to introduce your partner (I still didn’t get over it) as your boy/girlfriend?
Or is introducing your partner as boy/girlfriend seen as immature? Is this an adult thing?
I mean, I have a husband so I introduce him as husband (I don’t think there is another term for it, or is there?!).
But still, it bothers me.
Guess I keep on wondering.