Letting go of resentment

The one and only Russell Brand recently talked about resentment on his blog.

Now many think Russell Brand is not an adequate role model for such things, but you know it got me thinking for quite some time and I came to the conclusion he is right.

Resentment eats you up. It is not healthy.

And thinking about his words and about the things or actions others did that I resented, I realised I have to let go in order to live a happier life!

You could say the following is a bit of an open letter.

So here it goes. The things that bothered me the most, things I resented, things which just made me feel bad:

Christian, I forgive you for not being able to be my best friend anymore! I do understand your reasons and though I still miss our friendship I am able to let go now.

Dares, I forgive you for making me feel unimportant in your life which eventually ended our friendship. I believe now that you did the best you could, but my standards have been probably too high to reach and I am sorry it ended like it did. But I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart!

For my brother whom I haven’t spoken in 15 long years: I forgive you for letting me down in several occasions! I should have just taken you the way you are! I also forgive you for hurting my feelings all those years ago when it came to the final blow. I, we, should have been more civilised and talk about it. I still love you and ever will and wherever you are, I hope you are doing good and that you are truly happy!

To my parents: I forgive you for not being able to make me feel loved! I know you might not have know better but I believe you did the best you could. After all, sometimes it is hard to love your teenager as I should know best as they can drive you mental and I was by far no angel.

Those things have eaten me up and it feels good to finally be able to let go. It is like weight is lifted of my shoulders and I can breath much better.



Road Rage

I am a very patient person (my husband would laugh now, but I believe I am!)

But when it comes to driving…. well it is not that I would beeb my horn or show others the stinky finger but I wonder what other drivers possesses to do certain things:

For one:

Do not buy a fast car if you don’t know how to work it. Where is the point in owning a fast car when you drive 30mph on a 60 road??? Is it annoy others? I don’t care how nice and shiny your car is from behind, you know?


Why do you break every, yes EVERY SINGLE TIME before a corner??? Just step off the gas on time or don’t drive so fast!


There is no need to drive 20mph in snowy conditions on straight bits! I know this is Scotland and often there is no grid to be seen, but heck, 20mph?! Really? On flat and straight bits? What do you do behind the wheel? Biting it? If you are too scared to drive in snow stay at home!


When you are on the motorway, don’t drive on the middle or far right lane when the first  (second) is totally free! What is going on in your head? Do you think you drive a tank and therefor the first lane is too narrow for your itsy-bitsy car? Ts….

The above are really annoying things.

Just. Don’t. Do. It! Thanks


I really want to quit my job…

…because I am constantly exhausted. No maybe not exhausted, but tired.

Yes, I am constantly tired!

I have been off this week as I still had some holidays left and still I go to bed at 9 o’clock the latest.

I just received the new rota for next week and when I checked how many guests there are for breakfast, I am already dreading the day I have to be back there at 6am!

Usually I have to get up at 4:30am, leave the house around 5:15am, drive 30 minutes to the place I work, finish at noon, drive back, have to really press my ass cheeks together to get some exercise in, leave again at 2:30pm to pick up babies from school.

In-between I try to squeeze all household chores in and at 6 in the evening I wish someone would have mercy and shoot me.

By 7am I am in bed.

I usually tell my children not to use the word as it is a very strong word, but I start to hate my job.

I hate getting up that early.

I hate driving 30 minutes in the early morning. I know 30 minutes is nothing but when you are tired, 30 minutes can be very long!

My and my families happiness should come first, not a job which does nothing but exhaust you, is badly paid and people don’t appreciate you!

I applied for several jobs here nearby, even seasonal jobs, without success.

I heard people who started at the same time as me say:

“I stick it out for 6 month and than apply for other jobs as this right now will look very good in my CV!!!”

If that is the case, why don’t I get hired? Do employers think I am too qualified? If so, I should decide whether I am too qualified or not!

I would love an outdoors job somewhere nearby. I even applied for a job at a fish farm, but no one seems to want me.

I wish I could just quit, but unfortunately I need the money.


Guess I have to keep on looking and not give up hope.


Siamese and breeding

After we bought our house I finally got to get two siamese kittens.

One at the end of December and one past Saturday.

Called “Blue” (boy) and “Belle” (girl) and yes it can sound like bluebell which is intended.

They are the cutest things ever. When we got Belle she was so curious and so affectionate, she followed you around and explored everything.

When we got  Blue he was and still is so scared. Only comes out when you pull him out from under the sofa or when no one but me is around.

Now the thing is:

I got Belle when she was only 8 weeks old and if I would have known that before I went to get her with my very excited daughter, I would have said “no”.

Belle tends to wee on my or my older son’s bed if no one pays attention! Oh or on the lamb fur carpet under my husbands desk, even when he sits there. She does however uses both litter trays. So for now we have to keep our bedroom doors shut to prevent accidents.

When I picked up Blue, who is nearly 12 weeks old, he was living with his siblings and mum and dad in a conservatory (heated) with all their equipment.

Though the private breeder said, the daughter sometimes plays with them, there seemed no real interaction with human family members/day to day chores and noises in the house.

And both kittens where also fed really cheap kitten food, or adult cat food.

So let me ask you:

Would you eat, lets say, a chicken which only contains 4% chicken and the rest is unhealthy crap? No, didn’t think so!

Both kittens where wormed and vaccinated, no pedigree papers. They where still expansive though.

When I breed my cats, they will be around my very noisy children, in our kitchen in a big warm cozy special box for all of them as long they are not able to use a litter tray.

They will be wormed, vaccinated and chipped and will not leave before they are AT LEAST 12 weeks old.

One breeder even told me, they trim their cats claws….. and that they thought it is a common thing to give them away when they are 8 weeks, eat solids and use the litter tray.

No! There is more to it, like social behaviour which they learn from their mother….


Right. As to my two additions:

One is scared, the other one fumes at the little one and likes to wee on beds.

I will be on my way to Pets at Home to get Feliway and hope they will get used to each other paired with lots of cuddles.


Confession of a driver

I have had my driving licence for around 22 years now and I only have once (!!!) tried to put air into my tyres-

until recently.

Yep, that is right, I only tried it once. Back then we did not have those fancy electronic machines who actually did it all for you. No, back then I got more air out than in and so I never tried it again.

I always made my father, husband or whoever was around do it for me.

But past Saturday I had to do it myself as my front tyres where almost flat, the garage’s air & cleaner was not working and I was actually on my way to Lanark to buy a siamese kitten.

So out I went to the next village/garage. Parked, read instructions, unplugged everything, coins in, pressure to 30, air on and voila, the air actually went and stayed in.

No big deal as it turns out.


A thought…..

Would it be selfish to tell you that after such long time I still miss you

though I know you don’t want to hear about it as it makes your heart heavy?


Ben Ledi and what you should not do!

I have been up Ben Ledi in the last two month twice.

The first time was in fairly cold but dry conditions. Everything was frozen over and the higher I went the more frost and eventually snow I hit.

That day was very cloudy and only windy at the top so I was fine in shorts, though I must admit I did not stay longer than for a couple of pictures.

So I went up and because I didn’t want to do the “round” tour, I went down the way I came because it was so snowy I couldn’t really make out a trail down the other side. Back down it only took me around 25 minutes as I was running when I could. Up it was 1 hour 15 minutes.

Right. 2 days ago I was up again. Of course in shorts again. It was a wet day. It wasn’t pouring down, just light rain with 9c which was fine.

But the higher I went the windier it got to the extend that you heard me huffing and puffing with frustration.

At some point I took out my gloves and buff to keep me warm. Maybe I should have went back down but it was only at the very exposed and close to edges where the wind and rain hit me so hard, it was like someone would whack me across the face!

So up I went and when I reached the cross it wasn’t windy at all which was such a relief!

And because it wasn’t snowy or icy and I have seen the trail down the other side I decided to check it out.

So off I went, happy as Larry that descending was quite flattish and grassy. I was running fast for maybe 8 minutes (more or less, who counts the minutes anyway?) until I reached rocks and a steeper bit, paired with the wind which had so much fun lashing around my face earlier (my hood which was over my buff helped only a tiny bit).

I was looking back up but all I could think of was “I need to get down and out of the wind” and I really didn’t want to climb back up. So I started climbing down, very slowly as barefoot shoes does not have as much grip as “regular” running shoes and because of the strong wind.

It was so windy that I slipped and fell flat on my behind and hands. My hands hurt for some while but where ok as I have worn (soggy) gloves which I changed at some point (always take spare clothing with you).

And while I continued my descent, close to a never ending gully which seems almost vertical, I din’t know whether to cry or curse so the only logical thing was….. of course talking to myself!

Did I mention that I had to cross at least two streams? And that in general water from the tops made its way down? It was either boggy or very wet underfoot. I tell you, my feet where freezing!

But I made it down. It took me 50 very scary minutes and once I was back on the forest path I started running to keep warm and get some feeling back in my feet.

So to get to the point:

If you are not one of those hardcore hikers with spikes under your shoes and a proper axe, do not do the circular route and descent over the mountain! Use the nice though tough route with the pretty wide stone path because in case of an emergency, you will be found and not turn into worm food because you fell down a gully!

Also even when the weather forecast says +9C, do not wear shorts when you want to climb up a mountain as you never know what condition awaits you up there! It might be fine to run at 0C or beyond on ground, but not up there!

Lesson learned and hopefully not forgotten the second I turn off my notebook!