If God Really Exists

I was born, like all of us, naked. Later on I was baptised an evangelic. Later on I went to a two year “study course” all of us children in my little town had to do in order to receive our “confirmation”. I did it because that’s what all other children around me did. I could never relate to this religion. It always felt to me that with every rule there is a back door to side step specific rules. It just didn’t feel right.

13 or 14 years ago I became a catholic! My fathers family is catholic. I have seen how they live, what they believed in and how they treated each other and behaved with other individuals. So different from my family and from what I learned in “my church”. Or maybe it was just my perception.

Back then I felt I needed something to hold on to and God was the only one I thought would hear me and my pleads. I felt that rules and structure would make me focus and move on in life.

During the process of becoming a catholic I needed to attend weekly religious lessons with a nun for 6 month which I surprisingly enjoyed!

Once I asked her, why God let bad things happen. And she explained that it is not in Gods power, to stop bad things nor is it his fault bad things happen to (some of) us. That God created the human in his likeness and that we ourselves choose the path we take. We choose how to live our life and how we react in certain ways.

So I started to think to myself, were is the point in praying? Why talking to the All Mighty when he never answers in a way we can see? If he really answers that is! Why do we ask for help when all he does is listening to our desperate pleads without acting on it?

Giving us help and strength and faith and patience when some of us don’t know how to feed our children does not bring us any further if you ask me. Does God hear and see when women and children are getting abused? I wonder how it makes him feel? There are so many things that are wrong in this world…

But the most important thing (for me) is, that no religions should tell you how to live your life! Surely if there is a God, whatever his or her name is, will love us no matter what way we choose, right?!

I believe in everything that can’t be explained! I believe in the old Gods  from the Celts til the Norse Gods, I believe in Fairies and ghosts, I believe that on Samhain the dead come to spend the day with us remaining here on earth, but in God himself? I am not so sure anymore.

More and more I find it quite difficult to “believe” with so many unanswered questions. I just don’t seem to see the answers….


Women’s Business Clothes

Today I was reading one of my 5 gossip magazines. Yes, occasionally… okay let me rephrase that: Once per month I feel the need to buy a couple of magazines (Cosmopolitan is a monthly must-have) to read about gossip, get the latest info about exercise and gadgets and health and look at eye watering expansive clothes I probably never be able to afford!

There you go!

So back to what I wanted to write about in the first place:

In “Grazia” was an Artikel about women’s business clothes from a lady which name I can’t remember. She is high in finance business but her wardrobe….. well…. how to put it to not offend the good lady which I reckon is in her late 40s…. hmmmm…..

Dull? Boring? Frumpy? Probably all together!

Okay, she works in finance and you should look the part, but the way she wore the clothes made her at least 10 years older. I found it boring and am sure I am not the only one.

What would I give to see her in a Fred Perry dress, ha ha ha. Or in this beautiful pink long floaty Me&Em dress (I am waiting desperately for a reduction as I don’t want to cough up £350,- but it is so so pretty, you look like a big yummy candy).

No really! I think if we wouldn’t take us all so serious, even in such a demanding job, we would be more open minded when it comes to appearance.

There, said it all.


We Haven’t Even Met

I can barely catch my breath
Feeling your hands all over my body 
Scorching me
Leaving me wanting more
Without knowing it
You give into me 
Your resistance melts away 
And your reckless mouth can’t get enough of my lips
Holding onto you is letting go of sorrow
We haven’t even met 

Being High Maintenance

Recently I came across a blog where the person found it offensive to be called

“High Maintenance”.

I freely admit that I am a high maintenance sort of woman. And why not? There is nothing wrong with that, if you ask me.

When you google high maintenance it will show you the following:

A high maintenance person will require a lot of attention, time, money and/or effort!

Of course a person like me requires a lot attention. The key here is the right kind of attention in a specific time frame. If I call you, and you must be special in order for me to do so, pick up- after the first ring, please! When I am about to meet you, do yourself a favour, hang on to your life and be on time!!! When I want to go for a run, do join me, it will be fun- at least for me and that is the most important thing, right?!

And yes, I do invest in my body first. I like to look nice! And you like it when I do, right?

I shave, plug, trim, exfoliate and pamper myself with the best tools and ingredients on the market. Why? Because I can! Because I want to!

And if you want to brighten my day, show up with a single flower (I prefer sunflowers), a bottle of whiskey and polished shoes. Thank you very much and yes, that is necessary!

You might not be able to give what I desire? “Heck, where there’s a way, there’s a will”, she says, pouting.

You want to stay in my life long-term? Darling the answer is as easy as breathing:

All I want for you is to reach for the brightest star on a clear night and serve it to me on a silver plate! I won’t settle for less! And once I got that star, there is no stopping me- I always aim for more. Of course I do!

What you get in return?!?

The best wicked person I can possibly be! Friend or foe- you will love me!


My Husband

I have to announce something.

I have to give some big credit to my husband for still loving me!

A while ago we had a big talk about what is going not so well in our relationship and what made me so unhappy.

All relationships, especially long term relationships have their ups and downs and with a bit of luck couples will make it through- together.

I told and asked my husband to be a bit more open minded when it comes to other guys and said that I wouldn’t have a problem if he would kiss another woman.

Now my husband does not want to share me! Of course not! I am awesome! I am a great catch and unique in all my  little odd ways!

After such revelation, many a man would probably have showed me the door, thinking that I don’t love him. But love has nothing to do with the idea to maybe kiss another man/woman, it is the fun side that comes with it….

However. Like I said, my husband said “no” and I am sticking to it.

My point is:

Though I know that it is very easy to fall in love with me, it is also very hard to keep loving me because of the way I am, the way I (re-)act, the (sometimes hurtful) things I say and because of my selfishness!

But the man I have keeps on loving me despite all the above!

So, here I raise a glass to you:

I love you too!


UK Lock Down

Most people are whinging since they are on lock down. Yes, we all understand why we are to stay indoors, to prevent COVID-19 to spread and save our people!

I personally enjoy being at home! For quite some time I felt tired and wondered why I didn’t win the lottery, yet? Why do I have to keep on working? Why can’t I just move north? Why this? Why that? Why? Why? Why?

Well the answer is, since I haven’t won the lottery I just have to keep on working to keep my children alive and fed and pay the bills!

But now since I am at home, I can finally relax and breath. I keep on getting up at 5:45am every day. Okay, technically I turn off my Lumie light, jump up to close the windows in my bedroom and sneak back to bed for a bit longer. But I am still awake! I am contemplating whether to go for a run or  do weights- the weights have won today as I am determined to look like Schwarzenegger by summer time, ha ha ha….

I started to work out twice per day. Mornings are for runs or weights, afternoons is for yoga while watching Netflix. I do this since I do not move around as much as I would on a regular day.

Netflix! I get to binge watch everything that I haven’t seen yet. I couldn’t do that when I am out for work. Or even after work since I prefer to go to bed early instead of watching tv.

I also get to read my books I ordered a while ago and I re-filled my kindle as well. Finished one book already and started two more.

And I also tried to connect with more people on LinkedIn which I usually ignore.

My kitchen is tidy now, everything thrown out that was out of date, rearranged things and now trying to keep it as tidy as it can be when you are a household of 7!

We, as in the children and me, have been in the garden, digging out bushes I wanted to get rid of since we bought the house. Wildflower seeds are right in front of me, waiting to get in the soil.

My daughter repainted one of our walls as it was a bit scratched from our wooden shoe box.

Next I could tidy up the attic!

I get to listen to great blues, jazz and a bit of 80s all day long as loud as I want! There is nothing better in the world than music. Music is as important as running to me!

The children are either playing outside in the garden, in their room or in my living room on the playstation. At least I think it is one. I have no idea, I am not a game console girl! I got banned from my own room, currently sitting in my kitchen. Poor me!

There is always something to do and if I should really run out of ideas, well there’s always my good old friend Mr. Whiskey.

Stay save everyone!


Straight Men In Women’s Clothes

I have a confession to make:

I must say, I find it really sexy to see (straight) men in women’s clothes!!!

Every now and again the show “Lip Sync Battle” pops up on my Facebook and of course you would see men perform songs of females, often dressed in accordance.

Most recently I have seen Tom Holland singing Rihanna and couldn’t stop grinning! And John Krasinski singing “Proud Mary”? Sexy as hell. And that despite the fact that both are not even my type! Sorry, Tom and John, I know you won’t mind! Tay Diggs performing Madonna? Oh, oh, oh….

Whenever I see such performances I just can’t help it! I am whooping and can’t manage to get that goofy grin of my face!

I think it is the fact that they don’t take themselves too serious and that they even seem to have fun, doing what they are doing.

The other day I have seen a 50 something gentleman in Tescos, rocking high heels and black leather mini, no make up. He looked good and the best thing: Nobody even batted an eyelash!

I wonder does that make me a geek? Because I like everything that is not conventional? Because I love extremes?

Who knows? Who cares?


Corona And The Stupidity Of Hoarding

The corona virus is very present- here in UK, Ireland, everywhere really. Even in two little towns further down from us have been cases.

I was in Edinburgh the other day to get another tattoo and I have seen people with face masks walking about. I have seen and was served by Boots employees in gloves. Big and small businesses alike publish statements how they are coping with the virus going around. And that is all good! It is our responsibility to educate  and protect ourselves and others from this disease.

But what is so not okay are the empty shelves in supermarkets!

What is wrong with you people? Do you think that in case you contract this virus and can’t go shopping that you will starve to death because you have to be locked up at home?

Ever thought about that you could phone up family and friends to drop off food and all other things you think you might need in front of your door???

Oh you don’t have family and friends? There is also such thing as delivery service!!!

What? There is no delivery service in your area? Well I don’t really believe this, but okay if this is really the case: You have been tested positive! At a med centre or hospital! Therefor they have told you what to do and surely (if they haven’t offered already) you could contact them to voice your problem and believe me, they won’t say “no” for arranging someone to bring food to your oh so starving backside!!!

You  who plunder the shelves, you are  selfish peace of poop!!!

Ever thought of people who really need food? Like baby milk?

I for one, wanted to get some KoKo coconut milk for me and my family. Nothing left in the long lasting milk shelve except for almond milk which has only 2% of actual almond milk. Who wants to drink that??? It is vile! My daughter does not die from cow’s milk, but she would get really bad eczema flare ups and scratch 24/7! And me who is lactose intolerant and a pescetarier would sh*t my guts out with lots of pain, sweats, dizziness….and and and….

I was just glad to find some fresh KoKo milk in the fresh shelves. More expansive, again thanks to the hysteric buyers, but at least I got some.

Let’s hope this is all over soon and that not many more will be effected, suffer or even die!