It is hard to live
But I am too afraid to die
I still have a purpose
… after at least 6 month of no running was actually quite good.
I woke up this morning, looked outside and what have I seen? Nothing but fog!
Let me tell you, my heart skipped a beat!
So I got my shorts out (yes, even in North Yorkshire and though it is October you can still run in shorts!), my long sleeve, socks and shoes, dropped one baby off at the school bus, the other one at nursery and off I ran over the trails.
I didn’t go very far, as I know you can’t go from zero to hundred and believe me, I did that many times before due to impatience, but this time I thought
Lets be sensible this once.
I only felt a tiny niggle at my knee and had to catch my breath twice after a hill (at least I made it up with 20 seconds of choking, but I got my act together!).
Back home after a bit of stretching I pulled my weights out and trained for another 30 minutes. I am at 14kg at the moment but will increase as soon it gets lighter/easier (my love handles and me are still at war).
At the moment I am totally into dead lifts with different variations like one leg dead lifts (my arms where burning and I really had to concentrate balancing on one leg while trying to watch telly at the same time, *giggles to herself*).
AND a few seconds ago I found another xbionic marathon shorts online for a real bargain which I actually should not buy as money is tight, but hey, it is a BARGAIN!!! I better not mention this beautiful Mulberry handbag which would look so good on me…….
So all in all, a good day.
Yeah, what can I say? Finally, F.i.n.a.l.l.y…. the summer is over, my summer blues gone and winter is fast approaching.
Other might find the darker hours spooky, but to me, it is pure heaven, it gives me some sort of comfort like a warm blanket…. does that sound weird? Am I a weirdo?! Ah who cares?!
I could dance with joy!
Now that it is getting colder, gloomier and foggier, not to forget getting darker earlier and earlier, I am getting in the mood…. in the mood for running!
Actually I just wanted to get some time off running. Usually that lasts for a maximum of one month, but this time I haven’t been running since February.
Yes, you read right:
And the shocking part:
I did not even miss it, nor did I dread or push myself or even feel bad about not running.
I was just too tired, because I started later and later in the evening work. And while other colleagues are/where able to have a sleep in, I have to get up in the morning to get the babies to school, have a nap during lunch (if I am lucky and my youngest sleeps as well) and when I would have a bit time in the afternoon, I have Cash to look after.
But this week I am off work and next week are school holidays which means, I could run this week in the morning after dropping off Cash in his nursery and I can run next week all day before work.
So I am keeping my hopes up for dry weather to ease myself back into running and also hope the best regarding my knees who are always playing up after such long abstinence.
I am looking forward to running around the DT20 route in Reeth and my all time favourite DT30 in Muker up to Tan Hill Inn.
So fingers crossed that my weight training (yes, my dearest readers, I wasn’t all lazy) was a good built up for my legs.
…. that’s basically it for I don’t know how long this year.
Since my husband decided he doesn’t want to be in his current job, we have to move house by 1. June 2018. Which actually means, we need/want to buy a house as soon as possible.
No, let me rephrase this:
We have to buy a house rather this year than next. Problem is:
We would like to put a higher deposit for a mortgage down and would like to pay off our car and to do so, we need money.
Money my nice parents and also my uncle would lend us.
My parents need to sell a property first. But the mills of God grind slowly! Very, very slowly. One tiny peace of paper has to send from a to b over to c, back to a and so on and on…. that takes a lot of time. Time we don’t have!
My uncle is waiting for money to come through as well, but again, we don’t know when and it may be also too late.
You see, two steps forward, one back-
Throughout the year.
And for almost a month I am suffering from a thumping tinnitus and the doctor did not solve/found the problem yet.
I have no idea why it suddenly started, as I didn’t do anything that could have caused it.
So, we don’t have a house which we desperately need, I have a tinnitus, am constantly tired and run around with puffy eyes.
Oh and did I mention I have a very annoying teenage daughter?
Every time when I read about naughty teenagers or saw bad behaved young teens on the street I thought, it must be the parents fault! Suuuurely it must be!
But…. my son who is only 1 1/2 years older is treated exactly the same way and he is nothing like his sister!
She is driving me out of my mind so much so, that if I would win the lottery I would take the easy way out and send her straight to boarding school so that they could put up with her!
Hey, I love my life!!!
I always wondered, why I felt so attached to the UK.
Ever since I was a little girl, I was fascinated by everything English speaking, by the people who looked so different than us Germans.
Back then we had some British TV channels, which I watched with great delight and as soon I could read, I would read my big brothers English school books, though I did not know whether I pronounced it correct, nor did I know what it meant.
I always thought, if there is such thing as a former life, I am sure, I must have lived somewhere on my beloved island.
So recently I tried one of those past life regression hypnosis videos and followed the instructions.
While I was lying in bed all cozy, I started to relax, my body grew heavier….
And this is what I have seen in my mind:
My name was David, I was a blond boy, around 10 years old. I have worn 3/4 brown worn out pants and a light white/cream shirt.
I lived 1818 on a farm. Either the farm was called Arwy or Aerwy (welsh, I think) or it was my surname.
My mothers name was Evelyn and I had a sister, which was close my age. I think I had a father as well, but have seen this person only once on a field, working.
I also have seen myself (the boy) sitting on a wooden table, eating out of a white metal bowl and we where a happy family.
I died 1828. I have seen myself lying dead in my clothing on the bed, my mother and sister crying. I did not see me father, he might have been dead by then.
And what I felt was, that I should live life and be happy.
That was so strange, so surreal. But it also reflects my now life. Back then I might have not had much, but I was happy, just like it is now.
One day, I will go back in time to see, if there where more lives as it was so interesting and exciting to find out about the past and I like to believe what I saw, was real and not something my mind made up.
The other day my husband and our youngest one where out, sitting in a well known fast food restaurant, waiting for our order.
And I did something awful! I looked at the staff behind the counter and wondered if they didn’t learn something proper that they have to work in such a place.
But seconds later I realized what I did.
I did the same many do to me when I am at work, which is also a big fast food chain:
People come in and they look you up and down, often have a smirk on their face and are impatient when you don’t type in their order fast enough.
Little do they know, that sometimes people have no choice but to work in shops well known to employ without work specific knowledge, degrees, diplomas and I don’t know what else, because it is the closest to where they live and they can’t afford to work further away, like me.
Usually I don’t mind they’re looks but when it does get to me, I think:
Just out of their nappies, still wet behind their ears and giving me “the look”. I have so much work experience, it would last for two lives!!!
So though the staff might not have realized my look, I do apologize. It was thoughtless.