Category: teenager

Negativ Sites Of Parenthood

When you become a parent, you have all these ideals like, my baby will never sleep in my bed or my child will eat all the healthy food which of course I will cook from scratch…

New parents or parents to be hold onto their believes until the shit hits the fan and they end up crying for whatever reason… sleep deprivation, rejecting food, throwing tantrums are just a few to be named.

Nowadays I find myself tearing up every once in a while as my two older children hate me and my little ones are still at their dads and I miss them.

I think it doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, if your child wants to be angry with you it will be no matter what. You can be strict, you can allow them whatever they desire, you can beg and plead… no one knows what the right way is!

Despite the fact that we all love our children, I am pretty sure that the one or other, including me, thought why we got children in the first place. I know, I know that sounds horrible, but it is true. Sometimes the weight on our shoulders is seems just too much and we cry, we get angry, we are disappointed in ourself and the world.

But I strongly believe… no, I just have to believe that there will be better times and that the struggle will end and happy days will return.

So whatever situation you are in, no sleep, no money, children away and/or hate you, an ex who hates you more than your children, a boring/shit paid job that is not compatible with your working hours, not being able to get rid of your annoying baby pounds, friends who don’t have time for you anymore because they don’t know what it is like to have children, teenagers who know everything better…

I have been there, I still am and I am feeling you, I really do.

But I swallow my tears who would just make me ugly and I march on, hoping for better times, just as I always do.

That’s what we do, right? We love and we march on!

Franky

My Daughter Hates Me…

Yeah it’s right, she hates me right now! She does every time she doesn’t get what she wants.

If there is an occasion, she throws a tantrum and if that doesn’t work, she plays the guilt card… if that doesn’t work she lists all the bad things I may or may not have done, the things I said which she took personal and how bad of a mother overall I am!

But this time, this time ladies and gentlemen, she took it to a whole new level!!!

Let me start from the beginning:

The biological father left us when the now old babies where 3 and 1 1/2 years old which was a real blessing!

During the years he went from seeing the children once per week/every second weekend to once per year! I didn’t even tell them when he was supposed to pick them up as often he would just cancel.

During visiting periods their biological dad would never phone, write or email! I asked him to put more effort in as one day the children would not want to have anything to do with him.

Which was the case! My daughter refused for years to meet him. He even blamed her for being depressed!

He has given me so much grief, has not paid child support for a couple of years and always blames others for whatever goes wrong in his life! But despite our difficulties I always thought, that the children have to make up their own mind and decide whether they want to see him or not. I gave them the choice. I didn’t want to take that from them.

Now that I moved out, my darling daughter insists that I have to give her the child support money as she is entitled to it! She claimed she needed it for her college course next year. Which is bullshit as she would not save it whatsoever!

When I refused, explaining to her that I still contribute to the household even though I am not physically there, she contacted her “real” dad, asking for the money to be transferred to her dads (darling ex) account instead of mine!

I even told her, that her dad needs the money for food, water and whatever she needs for school, clothing…. and that there might not be much left for her.

And do you know what she said???

“That is okay!”

This is just a power thing!

Of course the biological dad gladly transferred the money to darling ex, not replying to my emails asking for the outstanding 14.000€ child support he still owes me!

I usually don’t bad mouth someone (the biological dad) who is not here to defend themselves. But believe me, in this case…. oh in this case….

I just say it as it is:

Once an asshole, always an asshole!!!

Franky

This Is How You Repay My Kindness?!?

“…This is how you repay my kindness…” is one of the worst lines you can say to your child!

If your parent ever said something like that to you, let me tell you this:

It is not a job to be kind to your child, it is a privilege!

Every parent should shower their offspring with love and cuddles and hugs and laughter and so much more!

I know it can sometimes be difficult… parents and children clash, some more, some less but in the end think about what you have been like when you where a child. Probably just the same.

And only because your child does things differently from you, doesn’t mean it is wrong.

All roads lead to Rome, you know?!

Take me, for example:

My family abroad pretty much dislike me because I chose to do whats best for my children. Because my way of doing things is very different from theirs. It’s sad that is has always be like this but in the end I like to believe that they will come around.

My older children don’t like me very much either at the moment because I split up from their dad. Again I like to believe that in the end they will see and realise that this was the right decision for me and possibly for all of us.

Yes, there are things we don’t like about our children but the important thing is this:

We created a wonderful child that is perfect in his or her own way! And we love this child and that outweighs the tiny not so nice things.

No one is perfect. If that was the case, this would be a very boring world, don’t you think?

Franky

Another Year, Another Mother’s Day…

… another year where I can pat myself on the shoulder for keeping my 4 children +one alive. The +one is my foster teenager who also happens to be my daughters boyfriend, just for clarification.

Yes, my children, hubby and me all survived another year of arguments, laughs, temper tantrums, tears, joys…. phone calls from teachers telling me that my daughter pulled other girls hair, that my 6 year old son, brought £20 to school for snack time, that my other (foster) son received a demerit for…. whatever! Who cares?!

What I want to say is:

We all do our best to make it through parenthood without loosing all our marbles!

To all who have very well behaved children:

Well done! I am so glad that you have a worry less in your life! I mean it!

To those who have wild, loud, lively children like me:

I salute you, you deserve a medal! And a huge glass of whiskey! Your children will survive and you will master every storm that surely will hit you (and me) in the future!

To our children:

Hey, you made it through another year with the two people who you think are old, deranged party pooper. Don’t be too hard on them, it might not look like it, but they do actually love you!

One thing we should never forget whether well behaved (whatever you classify well behaved) or not, we love our children, they are our blood, they will remain until we parents turn to old wrinkly raisins. They will survive us and march on with their own children, thinking back in a nervous breakdown what it was like when they were little!

As for the coming Mother’s Day: This is the only day were my children are complete and of course unpaid slaves without reward who have to jump to my every whim. I do not want any gifts, flowers or cheesy cards, but a clean house and my food brought to the sofa I will be residing on all day long! It has been like this in the past and it will go on like this until I change my mind which will be….. NEVER!

Franky

Parenthood is so hard…

I have been a parent for almost 18 years now. Longer if you count the pregnancy as well.

When my first born arrived it felt just right. I loved my son straight away despite the fact that he looked like a very red spotty beetle. Motherly love, eh?

When my second one arrived 1 year and 5 month later it was love again, not at (first) sight as she looked like a sumo wrestler baby but fortunately she outgrew that very quickly.

Having them both together was fun and for a long time it was only us, the three musketeers. We had our routine and were happy. But it was also very exhausting and there were days when I had to lock myself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes for a good cry….

Than 10 years later a second beloved daughter arrived and oh she was perfect! I had given up on the fact that when my children are born they have to grow into beautiful individuals but she, my Cailleach, was perfect!

Two years after Cailleach our second son arrived 6 weeks premature but strong and healthy given the circumstances and also so handsome!

Thinking I was exhausted when I had the first two, I can only laugh! Never had I such ferocious dark baggy circles under my eyes which on a daily basis said hello to my knees! I even cried from sleep deprivation as the two little monsters wanted nothing but mommies boobies and arms to be held 24/7 for over a year from the time they arrived.

But if you think toddlerhood is exhausting, wait until you have teenagers. Female teenagers to be precise.

They can be so stubborn, they have their own mind and ways and that is totally fine- as long you don’t live under one roof!

They can be so incredibly lazy that you want to pull your hair out or better theirs and only help around the house if you

a) threaten

or

b) pay them

or

c) well they usually don’t even blink an eyelash when it comes to help out anyway….

I know I should be more considerate, I should just let them be, but the thing is:

My 7 year old daughter is already developing the same attitude! SHE IS 7!!! And I just can’t have another one of this type! It is just too much with everything else going on like paying off a house, finding a proper job that makes me happy with a good wage, getting my garden done (spend hours so far gardening), trying to get the rest of my house done, trying to figure out how to pay for all this….

At the moment I just want peace and quiet. I don’t want to feel sad and tired and puzzled trying to figure out what to do and how to survive another day!

In an ideal world I would come home from a job I love to find my house clean and tidy.

In an ideal world I would be able to make breakfast and cook.

In an ideal world I wouldn’t have to worry about my children’s homework and education.

But this is not an ideal world.

I wished I could stop being a mum, just for a bit, to be able to breath and take care of myself…

I wished it would get easier, but it never does.

But we keep on marching and we keep on loving.

Franky

Doppelganger

via Daily Prompt: Doppelgänger

When I was a teenager of around 14, I was marching with a lot of other pupils down the road because it was the yearly German “schuetzenfest” which is a traditional festival/fair featuring a target shooting competition.

Of course the local newspaper was around as well to get some nice pictures from the parade.

When the latest newspaper was out my mother all proud pointed me out, only that it wasn’t me!

I was not marching at the front of the parade and the jacket was different from mine and I didn’t own those shoes he/she has worn either, but this boy or girl (back then my hair was short), looked exactly like me! The haircut, the face, weight, exactly like me. I had to look twice, but no, not me!

How odd is that?

You always hear that somewhere in the world you have a doppelganger and I see mine… on a picture…in the newspaper… walking down the same street at the same day, at the same time, only a couple of 100 meters away.

Unfortunately that was the first and last time I have seen him or her.

Franky

Appreciation

I came to realize that I did not appreciate many precious moments I experienced!

When my teenagers where little, all I wished for was them to grow up a bit faster to be more independent.

I felt tired all the time, and every day was just a rush. Rushing to kindergarten, rushing to school, rushing to work…

And before I knew it, my babies turned into teenagers… literally in a blink of an eye and what did I do? I did it again:

When I clashed, as so many times, with my teenage daughter, I wished for her to be older so that she could move out and live her own life.

That is an awful thing to do!

I should have tried to spend more time with them, should have cuddled them more and told them, how much I loved them, I should have surprised them more often with little things or picnics. I should have done that every single day until now and every day coming!

If we are lucky, children live at home for 18, maybe 22… or even 25 years and compared to a (hopefully) long life, that is nothing! Nothing!!! It is such a short time you get to spend with them.

If you are lucky, they love you enough to phone and visit you on a regular basis. And if you are really, really lucky, they even live close by, so that you also get to see your grand-babies!!!

SIGH…. big SIGH….

When I was not working because the children where too little, all I did was complaining because I didn’t get to go out of the house. Complaining how bored and isolated I felt.

Instead I should have been happy about the fact, that I am actually be able to spend so much time with my children, get to sleep more and do what ever I want.

And I know I should show my husband more affection. I know I should miss him when he is away because one day, he might not be around anymore and I might regret my (non-) actions.

In this case it is not funny how my perception has worked out for me. No, it is rather sad.

But this is life and life never goes the way we want it to.

Guess, I keep on trying, trying to be the best mom and wife I can be. Trying to make it better and trying to make the best of life.

Franky

Two steps forward, one step back…

…. that’s basically it for I don’t know how long this year.

Since my husband decided he doesn’t want to be in his current job, we have to move house by 1. June 2018. Which actually means, we need/want to buy a house as soon as possible.

No, let me rephrase this:

We have to buy a house rather this year than next. Problem is:

We would like to put a higher deposit for a mortgage down and would like to pay off our car and to do so, we need money.

Money my nice parents and also my uncle would lend us.

BUT

My parents need to sell a property first. But the mills of God grind slowly! Very, very slowly. One tiny peace of paper has to send from a to b over to c, back to a and so on and on…. that takes a lot of time. Time we don’t have!

My uncle is waiting for money to come through as well, but again, we don’t know when and it may be also too late.

You see, two steps forward, one back-

Throughout the year.

And for almost a month I am suffering from a thumping tinnitus and the doctor did not solve/found the problem yet.

I have no idea why it suddenly started, as I didn’t do anything that could have caused it.

So, we don’t have a house which we desperately need, I have a tinnitus, am constantly tired and run around with puffy eyes.

Oh and did I mention I have a very annoying teenage daughter?

Every time when I read about naughty teenagers or saw bad behaved young teens on the street I thought, it must be the parents fault! Suuuurely it must be!

But…. my son who is only 1 1/2 years older is treated exactly the same way and he is nothing like his sister!

She is driving me out of my mind so much so, that if I would win the lottery I would take the easy way out and send her straight to boarding school so that they could put up with her!

Hey, I love my life!!!

Franky

 

Miracles are God….

….and God is forgiveness!

Sometimes when the time seems to get tougher and tougher and it feels like I am in free fall and there is nothing that could stop it….

I try to be very still. I go inside me and search for a miracle.

I try to hold onto my faith and talk to God and wait for an answer or a sign or even a miracle.

I hope that God hears me and has not forgotten about me because,

for once, I would like to go the easy way, I don’t want to see the rocky path, so hear me out, please, I’d like a miracle….

Franky

“Hotel Transylvania 2” and my pregnancy

At the moment my son Cash watches “Hotel Transylvania 2” non-stop. It is his favourite movie!

And when I watched the scene where the girl in bat form tells her vampire dad (also in bat form) that she is pregnant, he is over the moon and automatically think:

That’s how parents should always react! No matter what, they should be happy and supportive!

I know the movie is a silly comparison but still cute.

Some of you might read my post, why I hid my third pregnancy from everyone especially my mother.

Of all people, my mother should have been the happiest but instead it went like this:

  • The first time we barely spoke, because we didn’t get along very well back then and when we finally did, I still didn’t hear her say, how excited or happy she is for me!
  • The second time I told her I was pregnant again, she asked if I wanted to keep “it”!
  • The third time I told her only 2 month before I was due and again, no words of happiness or support!
  • The fourth time I told her when I was 4 month gone and she simply said “if that is what you want…?”

Did I miss something here? Or am I too picky? Or am I just too hard with her? I mean, I shouldn’t tell my own mother to be happy for me, should I?

All I know is, when one of my children comes home pregnant or got someone pregnant, I will be happy and supportive.

Of course if they come home pregnant under aged, or because they have forgotten any type of precaution, or even worse, can’t remember who the babies father is, they will get an ear full. I will most likely loose my temper….BUT…after that I will hug them, tell them everything will be alright and that I am happy, very happy to welcome my grandchild!

That’s how it should be! OK, maybe without the shouting, but the shouting and threats might work for the next time they decide to have some fun in the bed department!

Franky