Category: teenager

Appreciation

I came to realize that I did not appreciate many precious moments I experienced!

When my teenagers where little, all I wished for was them to grow up a bit faster to be more independent.

I felt tired all the time, and every day was just a rush. Rushing to kindergarten, rushing to school, rushing to work…

And before I knew it, my babies turned into teenagers… literally in a blink of an eye and what did I do? I did it again:

When I clashed, as so many times, with my teenage daughter, I wished for her to be older so that she could move out and live her own life.

That is an awful thing to do!

I should have tried to spend more time with them, should have cuddled them more and told them, how much I loved them, I should have surprised them more often with little things or picnics. I should have done that every single day until now and every day coming!

If we are lucky, children live at home for 18, maybe 22… or even 25 years and compared to a (hopefully) long life, that is nothing! Nothing!!! It is such a short time you get to spend with them.

If you are lucky, they love you enough to phone and visit you on a regular basis. And if you are really, really lucky, they even live close by, so that you also get to see your grand-babies!!!

SIGH…. big SIGH….

When I was not working because the children where too little, all I did was complaining because I didn’t get to go out of the house. Complaining how bored and isolated I felt.

Instead I should have been happy about the fact, that I am actually be able to spend so much time with my children, get to sleep more and do what ever I want.

And I know I should show my husband more affection. I know I should miss him when he is away because one day, he might not be around anymore and I might regret my (non-) actions.

In this case it is not funny how my perception has worked out for me. No, it is rather sad.

But this is life and life never goes the way we want it to.

Guess, I keep on trying, trying to be the best mom and wife I can be. Trying to make it better and trying to make the best of life.

Franky

Two steps forward, one step back…

…. that’s basically it for I don’t know how long this year.

Since my husband decided he doesn’t want to be in his current job, we have to move house by 1. June 2018. Which actually means, we need/want to buy a house as soon as possible.

No, let me rephrase this:

We have to buy a house rather this year than next. Problem is:

We would like to put a higher deposit for a mortgage down and would like to pay off our car and to do so, we need money.

Money my nice parents and also my uncle would lend us.

BUT

My parents need to sell a property first. But the mills of God grind slowly! Very, very slowly. One tiny peace of paper has to send from a to b over to c, back to a and so on and on…. that takes a lot of time. Time we don’t have!

My uncle is waiting for money to come through as well, but again, we don’t know when and it may be also too late.

You see, two steps forward, one back-

Throughout the year.

And for almost a month I am suffering from a thumping tinnitus and the doctor did not solve/found the problem yet.

I have no idea why it suddenly started, as I didn’t do anything that could have caused it.

So, we don’t have a house which we desperately need, I have a tinnitus, am constantly tired and run around with puffy eyes.

Oh and did I mention I have a very annoying teenage daughter?

Every time when I read about naughty teenagers or saw bad behaved young teens on the street I thought, it must be the parents fault! Suuuurely it must be!

But…. my son who is only 1 1/2 years older is treated exactly the same way and he is nothing like his sister!

She is driving me out of my mind so much so, that if I would win the lottery I would take the easy way out and send her straight to boarding school so that they could put up with her!

Hey, I love my life!!!

Franky

 

Miracles are God….

….and God is forgiveness!

Sometimes when the time seems to get tougher and tougher and it feels like I am in free fall and there is nothing that could stop it….

I try to be very still. I go inside me and search for a miracle.

I try to hold onto my faith and talk to God and wait for an answer or a sign or even a miracle.

I hope that God hears me and has not forgotten about me because,

for once, I would like to go the easy way, I don’t want to see the rocky path, so hear me out, please, I’d like a miracle….

Franky

“Hotel Transylvania 2” and my pregnancy

At the moment my son Cash watches “Hotel Transylvania 2” non-stop. It is his favourite movie!

And when I watched the scene where the girl in bat form tells her vampire dad (also in bat form) that she is pregnant, he is over the moon and automatically think:

That’s how parents should always react! No matter what, they should be happy and supportive!

I know the movie is a silly comparison but still cute.

Some of you might read my post, why I hid my third pregnancy from everyone especially my mother.

Of all people, my mother should have been the happiest but instead it went like this:

  • The first time we barely spoke, because we didn’t get along very well back then and when we finally did, I still didn’t hear her say, how excited or happy she is for me!
  • The second time I told her I was pregnant again, she asked if I wanted to keep “it”!
  • The third time I told her only 2 month before I was due and again, no words of happiness or support!
  • The fourth time I told her when I was 4 month gone and she simply said “if that is what you want…?”

Did I miss something here? Or am I too picky? Or am I just too hard with her? I mean, I shouldn’t tell my own mother to be happy for me, should I?

All I know is, when one of my children comes home pregnant or got someone pregnant, I will be happy and supportive.

Of course if they come home pregnant under aged, or because they have forgotten any type of precaution, or even worse, can’t remember who the babies father is, they will get an ear full. I will most likely loose my temper….BUT…after that I will hug them, tell them everything will be alright and that I am happy, very happy to welcome my grandchild!

That’s how it should be! OK, maybe without the shouting, but the shouting and threats might work for the next time they decide to have some fun in the bed department!

Franky

Another year, another cake

It is time again! I have to bake!

I am a terrible baker!!! I hate baking! The dough is flying around my ears, flour covers all cupboards, I ran around the kitchen in search for ingredients I never heard of before but bought them, just forgot where they are…

If I am lucky, very lucky and stick exactly to a recipe, my cake looks like it should on the picture and even tastes as good as promised!

Like I said, when I am lucky. When I am unlucky, not even the cat wants to eat my creations!

But I have to bake every now and again.

To special occasions.

Tomorrows special occasion is my sons 15th birthday and when I asked, if he wants a cake (my hopes where still high that he would say “no mommy, don’t bother! Don’t put yourself through horrendous hours of baking, I know you love me anyway!), of course he said “yes”!

Can you believe it?! He said YES. Pfffffft. I know he did that on purpose and surely was grinning behind my back!

Fine, I bought all the weird sounding things I needed to bake a vegan gluten but hopefully not taste free chocolate cake tomorrow!

Keep your fingers crossed, wish me luck or dance around in a circle for as long as it takes to send me good vibes!

Franky

 

Thoughts on the one word prompt “cake”

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/cake/

I wish I was on an island…

…oh wait, I actually am on an island, ha ha ha….

No, seriously. I wish I was on an island, all by myself. Even if it was just for a while.

You know this moment when it happens and you think “island, please”?

My reason(s) to be on an island is quite simple:

I HAVE ENOUGH!

It is too much family, too much responsibility, too much of everything and unfortunately  too little money.

We are so skint at the moment, that we can only buy the food we really need, no extras like sweets or expensive gluten free products like cereals and we use the car only if we really have to to save on fuel.

The past few month we have been very stupid. Spend our money on races, recce trips, running gear, books and food. The army has forgotten to charge for the rent and stupid as we where, we didn’t think about that when we have to pay it back, they would take such big chunks of my husbands wage. . .

I am desperate for a job. I NEED a job. A second income would be perfect. BUT the fees for a full day nursery for Cash are that high, that when I calculate the fuel in, next to nothing would be left of the wage. It is said, really. You want women to be independent, but don’t offer much help when it comes to childcare!

Another thing is our teenage daughter. A PROPER  TEENAGER who is only nice and sweet outside the house and only does as she is told when she wants something.

Try to keep calm, try to keep patient, just don’t listen, I try to tell myself everyday, but it is exhausting and everyone who has teenagers at home probably knows how I feel! What ever you do, you do it wrong. When it comes to teenager, to rebellious teenager, it seems there is no right nor wrong. You just have to sit it out, wait until said teenager moves out and drives someone else mental!

And also my body. I don’t like my body at the moment. Everywhere I can feel wobbly body parts and the fact that my little daughter Cailleach comes in the bathroom squishing my bum, saying “mummy look how it is bouncing”, doesn’t help either!

Running. I didn’t do much running. Somehow I lost my running mojo. I should train, or at least go for my usual runs, but I just can’t be bothered. I am not totally lazy though. I exercise at home, but still. I need to train, as I still have 3 more races to come. One in two weeks, the other two in September…

I know, instead of whinging, I should change something. And I do, step by step, but sometimes, just sometimes I wished I was on an island, only me, myself and I.

Thoughts of today’s prompt word “island”.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/island/

Franky

Mothers & Daughters

I think ever since I was a little child, I was in a never ending fight with my mother!

Maybe it is a natural thing to do. Testing how far you can go. Of course you don’t want to be like your mother or your parents whats whoever. You look at them and think how awfully suburban their life is. How boring. You don’t want to be or end up like them, don’t want to look and think like them…

Often I find myself secretly admiring other mother-daughter relationships. I look at them and think to myself, it must be nice to see your mother more like a best friend, someone you always want in your life and hang out with, share all your secrets and worries.

A few days ago it totally took me by surprise when my daughter asked me, to pick her wedding dress when it is time! I was in shock but hid it well, saying “of course I will help you with your dress and wedding…” and to be honest, I was touched! I didn’t even want to invite my mother to my wedding, never mind help me with my dress!

Since we do nothing but fight (at least it seems like it), I didn’t expect that at all.

So I must do something right after all.

Since we reached the teenage stage, I feel a bit helpless. Never mind what I do or how I treat her, it doesn’t seem right, and it reminds me of my own teenage days.

I try to remember what I hated back then and try to avoid the same mistakes my mother did. Needless to say that it doesn’t always work but I make the best of it.

The teenage stage can be tough, for mothers and their offspring, but sure we all survive and in the best case we stay close to each other and can laugh about it the older we get!

Franky