Category: teenager

Parenthood is so hard…

I have been a parent for almost 18 years now. Longer if you count the pregnancy as well.

When my first born arrived it felt just right. I loved my son straight away despite the fact that he looked like a very red spotty beetle. Motherly love, eh?

When my second one arrived 1 year and 5 month later it was love again, not at (first) sight as she looked like a sumo wrestler baby but fortunately she outgrew that very quickly.

Having them both together was fun and for a long time it was only us, the three musketeers. We had our routine and were happy. But it was also very exhausting and there were days when I had to lock myself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes for a good cry….

Than 10 years later a second beloved daughter arrived and oh she was perfect! I had given up on the fact that when my children are born they have to grow into beautiful individuals but she, my Cailleach, was perfect!

Two years after Cailleach our second son arrived 6 weeks premature but strong and healthy given the circumstances and also so handsome!

Thinking I was exhausted when I had the first two, I can only laugh! Never had I such ferocious dark baggy circles under my eyes which on a daily basis said hello to my knees! I even cried from sleep deprivation as the two little monsters wanted nothing but mommies boobies and arms to be held 24/7 for over a year from the time they arrived.

But if you think toddlerhood is exhausting, wait until you have teenagers. Female teenagers to be precise.

They can be so stubborn, they have their own mind and ways and that is totally fine- as long you don’t live under one roof!

They can be so incredibly lazy that you want to pull your hair out or better theirs and only help around the house if you

a) threaten

or

b) pay them

or

c) well they usually don’t even blink an eyelash when it comes to help out anyway….

I know I should be more considerate, I should just let them be, but the thing is:

My 7 year old daughter is already developing the same attitude! SHE IS 7!!! And I just can’t have another one of this type! It is just too much with everything else going on like paying off a house, finding a proper job that makes me happy with a good wage, getting my garden done (spend hours so far gardening), trying to get the rest of my house done, trying to figure out how to pay for all this….

At the moment I just want peace and quiet. I don’t want to feel sad and tired and puzzled trying to figure out what to do and how to survive another day!

In an ideal world I would come home from a job I love to find my house clean and tidy.

In an ideal world I would be able to make breakfast and cook.

In an ideal world I wouldn’t have to worry about my children’s homework and education.

But this is not an ideal world.

I wished I could stop being a mum, just for a bit, to be able to breath and take care of myself…

I wished it would get easier, but it never does.

But we keep on marching and we keep on loving.

Franky

Doppelganger

via Daily Prompt: Doppelgänger

When I was a teenager of around 14, I was marching with a lot of other pupils down the road because it was the yearly German “schuetzenfest” which is a traditional festival/fair featuring a target shooting competition.

Of course the local newspaper was around as well to get some nice pictures from the parade.

When the latest newspaper was out my mother all proud pointed me out, only that it wasn’t me!

I was not marching at the front of the parade and the jacket was different from mine and I didn’t own those shoes he/she has worn either, but this boy or girl (back then my hair was short), looked exactly like me! The haircut, the face, weight, exactly like me. I had to look twice, but no, not me!

How odd is that?

You always hear that somewhere in the world you have a doppelganger and I see mine… on a picture…in the newspaper… walking down the same street at the same day, at the same time, only a couple of 100 meters away.

Unfortunately that was the first and last time I have seen him or her.

Franky

Appreciation

I came to realize that I did not appreciate many precious moments I experienced!

When my teenagers where little, all I wished for was them to grow up a bit faster to be more independent.

I felt tired all the time, and every day was just a rush. Rushing to kindergarten, rushing to school, rushing to work…

And before I knew it, my babies turned into teenagers… literally in a blink of an eye and what did I do? I did it again:

When I clashed, as so many times, with my teenage daughter, I wished for her to be older so that she could move out and live her own life.

That is an awful thing to do!

I should have tried to spend more time with them, should have cuddled them more and told them, how much I loved them, I should have surprised them more often with little things or picnics. I should have done that every single day until now and every day coming!

If we are lucky, children live at home for 18, maybe 22… or even 25 years and compared to a (hopefully) long life, that is nothing! Nothing!!! It is such a short time you get to spend with them.

If you are lucky, they love you enough to phone and visit you on a regular basis. And if you are really, really lucky, they even live close by, so that you also get to see your grand-babies!!!

SIGH…. big SIGH….

When I was not working because the children where too little, all I did was complaining because I didn’t get to go out of the house. Complaining how bored and isolated I felt.

Instead I should have been happy about the fact, that I am actually be able to spend so much time with my children, get to sleep more and do what ever I want.

And I know I should show my husband more affection. I know I should miss him when he is away because one day, he might not be around anymore and I might regret my (non-) actions.

In this case it is not funny how my perception has worked out for me. No, it is rather sad.

But this is life and life never goes the way we want it to.

Guess, I keep on trying, trying to be the best mom and wife I can be. Trying to make it better and trying to make the best of life.

Franky

Two steps forward, one step back…

…. that’s basically it for I don’t know how long this year.

Since my husband decided he doesn’t want to be in his current job, we have to move house by 1. June 2018. Which actually means, we need/want to buy a house as soon as possible.

No, let me rephrase this:

We have to buy a house rather this year than next. Problem is:

We would like to put a higher deposit for a mortgage down and would like to pay off our car and to do so, we need money.

Money my nice parents and also my uncle would lend us.

BUT

My parents need to sell a property first. But the mills of God grind slowly! Very, very slowly. One tiny peace of paper has to send from a to b over to c, back to a and so on and on…. that takes a lot of time. Time we don’t have!

My uncle is waiting for money to come through as well, but again, we don’t know when and it may be also too late.

You see, two steps forward, one back-

Throughout the year.

And for almost a month I am suffering from a thumping tinnitus and the doctor did not solve/found the problem yet.

I have no idea why it suddenly started, as I didn’t do anything that could have caused it.

So, we don’t have a house which we desperately need, I have a tinnitus, am constantly tired and run around with puffy eyes.

Oh and did I mention I have a very annoying teenage daughter?

Every time when I read about naughty teenagers or saw bad behaved young teens on the street I thought, it must be the parents fault! Suuuurely it must be!

But…. my son who is only 1 1/2 years older is treated exactly the same way and he is nothing like his sister!

She is driving me out of my mind so much so, that if I would win the lottery I would take the easy way out and send her straight to boarding school so that they could put up with her!

Hey, I love my life!!!

Franky

 

Miracles are God….

….and God is forgiveness!

Sometimes when the time seems to get tougher and tougher and it feels like I am in free fall and there is nothing that could stop it….

I try to be very still. I go inside me and search for a miracle.

I try to hold onto my faith and talk to God and wait for an answer or a sign or even a miracle.

I hope that God hears me and has not forgotten about me because,

for once, I would like to go the easy way, I don’t want to see the rocky path, so hear me out, please, I’d like a miracle….

Franky

“Hotel Transylvania 2” and my pregnancy

At the moment my son Cash watches “Hotel Transylvania 2” non-stop. It is his favourite movie!

And when I watched the scene where the girl in bat form tells her vampire dad (also in bat form) that she is pregnant, he is over the moon and automatically think:

That’s how parents should always react! No matter what, they should be happy and supportive!

I know the movie is a silly comparison but still cute.

Some of you might read my post, why I hid my third pregnancy from everyone especially my mother.

Of all people, my mother should have been the happiest but instead it went like this:

  • The first time we barely spoke, because we didn’t get along very well back then and when we finally did, I still didn’t hear her say, how excited or happy she is for me!
  • The second time I told her I was pregnant again, she asked if I wanted to keep “it”!
  • The third time I told her only 2 month before I was due and again, no words of happiness or support!
  • The fourth time I told her when I was 4 month gone and she simply said “if that is what you want…?”

Did I miss something here? Or am I too picky? Or am I just too hard with her? I mean, I shouldn’t tell my own mother to be happy for me, should I?

All I know is, when one of my children comes home pregnant or got someone pregnant, I will be happy and supportive.

Of course if they come home pregnant under aged, or because they have forgotten any type of precaution, or even worse, can’t remember who the babies father is, they will get an ear full. I will most likely loose my temper….BUT…after that I will hug them, tell them everything will be alright and that I am happy, very happy to welcome my grandchild!

That’s how it should be! OK, maybe without the shouting, but the shouting and threats might work for the next time they decide to have some fun in the bed department!

Franky

Another year, another cake

It is time again! I have to bake!

I am a terrible baker!!! I hate baking! The dough is flying around my ears, flour covers all cupboards, I ran around the kitchen in search for ingredients I never heard of before but bought them, just forgot where they are…

If I am lucky, very lucky and stick exactly to a recipe, my cake looks like it should on the picture and even tastes as good as promised!

Like I said, when I am lucky. When I am unlucky, not even the cat wants to eat my creations!

But I have to bake every now and again.

To special occasions.

Tomorrows special occasion is my sons 15th birthday and when I asked, if he wants a cake (my hopes where still high that he would say “no mommy, don’t bother! Don’t put yourself through horrendous hours of baking, I know you love me anyway!), of course he said “yes”!

Can you believe it?! He said YES. Pfffffft. I know he did that on purpose and surely was grinning behind my back!

Fine, I bought all the weird sounding things I needed to bake a vegan gluten but hopefully not taste free chocolate cake tomorrow!

Keep your fingers crossed, wish me luck or dance around in a circle for as long as it takes to send me good vibes!

Franky

 

Thoughts on the one word prompt “cake”

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/cake/