Category: Sex

“Hotel Transylvania 2” and my pregnancy

At the moment my son Cash watches “Hotel Transylvania 2” non-stop. It is his favourite movie!

And when I watched the scene where the girl in bat form tells her vampire dad (also in bat form) that she is pregnant, he is over the moon and automatically think:

That’s how parents should always react! No matter what, they should be happy and supportive!

I know the movie is a silly comparison but still cute.

Some of you might read my post, why I hid my third pregnancy from everyone especially my mother.

Of all people, my mother should have been the happiest but instead it went like this:

  • The first time we barely spoke, because we didn’t get along very well back then and when we finally did, I still didn’t hear her say, how excited or happy she is for me!
  • The second time I told her I was pregnant again, she asked if I wanted to keep “it”!
  • The third time I told her only 2 month before I was due and again, no words of happiness or support!
  • The fourth time I told her when I was 4 month gone and she simply said “if that is what you want…?”

Did I miss something here? Or am I too picky? Or am I just too hard with her? I mean, I shouldn’t tell my own mother to be happy for me, should I?

All I know is, when one of my children comes home pregnant or got someone pregnant, I will be happy and supportive.

Of course if they come home pregnant under aged, or because they have forgotten any type of precaution, or even worse, can’t remember who the babies father is, they will get an ear full. I will most likely loose my temper….BUT…after that I will hug them, tell them everything will be alright and that I am happy, very happy to welcome my grandchild!

That’s how it should be! OK, maybe without the shouting, but the shouting and threats might work for the next time they decide to have some fun in the bed department!


Funny dirty talk while running

While running through the woods today, my husband asked

“Would you like some sex?”

“No!”, I replied.

“I could beat you with my huge one”, he went on.

“Why? Do you want to knock me out with it?”, I asked…

Good to know we are still silly with each other after 6 years of being together!




In my “wild days”, before I got married, I had a “friend with benefits” which lasted 13 years! Yes, you got that right!

13 YEARS!!! And we even managed to keep it hidden!

Now I can hear you say

We live in a modern world, “friends with benefits” are a common thing. True!


you should know, both, him and me, where always in  relationships when we used to meet! Though when “it” happened, I used to end my relationships as I didn’t want to cheat or keep on cheating whereas he remained in his.

Of course it was forbidden to meet, to phone and text each other on a regular basis! It was oh so naughty and that’s why it was so much fun… Forbidden? Pfffff…. really? Explain forbidden, please!

Thoughts on the one prompt word “Forbidden”.


What happened to sex dreams?!?

I woke up this morning and was quite annoyed about the fact that I had a sex dream.

But not the usual type of sex dream, oh no, that would have been too good to be true! Ts.

The dream I had started so nice. . .

For some reason I was friends with a boy who looked exactly like Austin Butler! You know the cute guy who plays in the “Shannara Chronicles” and also in “The Carrie Diaries”.

We where hanging out and then he said “….let me hug you….” and so he did, only that the hug lasted longer than it should have considering the fact, you are only friends.

I remember I snuggled into him, feeling his warm body pressing into mine. I felt a million butterflies in my belly and a nice tingling sensation started in “south under”.

But hold on, something wakes me up. Sure you know the feeling, when you just woke up from a horny dream or even better, when you even “made it to the end”.

So I tried desperately to fall back asleep to continue my dream and I even manage it.

So back to the cosy hug. He then looks me deep in the eyes and I think

Yes baby, let’s get it on…

I can feel my heart beating like wild when he says “I want you… not as friend…”, his lips are only inches away from mine and I can feel his warm minty breath.

All I can think of is, go on, pleeeeeease kiss me, but I say

“I can’t do that, I am married!”

And wake up! Wait, what?!? Seriously???

I mean, apart from the fact that in reality he wouldn’t be my type because

a) he is around 10 years younger

b) blond and blue eyes,

I would have appreciated a nice naughty dream.

That is all my husbands fault! He ruined me! Before I knew him I always had sex dreams! ALL.THE.TIME!

Never mind whether I was in a relationship or not. In case you think, that is bad and I might miss something:

To me, there is no meaning when it comes to dreams. It is just what it is, a dream.

I mean, once I dreamed I had sex with Willem Dafoe and no offense Mr. Dafoe, but you are so absolutely not my type at all!

So I wonder, are sex dreams which excludes your other half, lost forever once you are married and off the market?



My children won’t have a sex life!!!

Recently I read a post from this lovely person:

and wondered, will I ever find other bodies which don’t belong to my household???

The thought alone gives me strawberry skin, it makes me shiver and it feels like something is crawling up and down my spine, something slimy you don’t want  and frankly I wish that my children would wait with everything sex related until they are married and moved out!

Which means they should be in their late 20s!!! Awwwww isn’t that a nice daydream?

When I think back, once my mother found me in bed with my boyfriend when I was still young and thought I was very much in loooooove. By then I didn’t know that it is possible to nearly faint while you get shouted at by your mum!

Once I got my driving license I used to sleep at my boyfriends. Did I mention he also still lived at home. But hey, when you are young you don’t care (that much).

So, how would I feel when my son or daughter even have the guts to ask me, whether or not someone they think they are in love with, could stay over night?

I probably throw up…. just kidding….not…. well, I don’t know. I really don’t.

The rules here in house Free are very strict:

Stay away from the opposite sex. Stay away from the same sex- whichever you prefer, as long as possible! Once you think you are in looooove, it is high likely you get your heart broken. The longer you wait, the better.

Which brings us to the next rule:

Don’t get married before your late 20s or even better early 30s. How likely is it nowadays that you stay married when you met young??? Get my point? It is way to tempting to just throw something away instead to fix it…

Would it be mean of me, just to say “no” when get asked the “over-night-question”? I already feel uncomfortable about it. I don’t want this to happen- EVER!

Ah maybe I am lucky and they move out early, with a part time job, studying something great… being on their own feet.

Then I can pretend, they do nothing but work and study and that they don’t have time for relationships and everything that comes with it.

Yeah. I stick with that!!!



I am walking through a shop and all of a sudden I can hear Marvin Gaye’s “I want you”. This song makes me smile as it brings back sweet memories.

I used to date a man and I wanted him so so bad. I know he wanted me too but refused to get caught in a serious relationship.

One day after work I send him a simple sms:

“Are you available this afternoon?”

“Yes, I will be here!”, was his instant reply.

I got all excited, drove home and got ready for my date.

When I arrived, I rang his bell… the door opened. I took my time walking up to the 3rd floor wearing nothing but my black t-strap high-heels and a cherry red knee length coat with tiger print lining.

Just before I turned around to walk up the last few stairs I opened my coat. I walked slowly with a smile on my lips.

When he has seen me, he gasped “oh shit”.

The second I arrived at his doorstep he grabbed and kissed me. He was so greedy, his needy fingers sliding inside me without hesitation.

“You are so wet… wet for me”, he murmured. A groan was all I could manage while undoing his jeans.

He pushed me inside, shutting the door with his foot he pressed me over to the opposite door. We stood right in the door frame. The kitchen window was open, on the other side of the street workers on a scaffold.

We didn’t mind if they would see us. We where caught in the moment. There was no nice love-making. It was quick, it was hard, it was from behind, me bending forward, feeling him very deep and rough.

As quick as it began it ended. A man and a woman. Breathless and satisfied.

“Thank you”, I smiled, kissed him one last time and went back to my car.

That day I didn’t want sweet, I didn’t want to persuade him, to make him see and admit that his feelings are just the same. I just wanted sex.

On the way back home in my car I turned the radio on.

Marvin Gaye sang “I want you”…


It is late in the evening as they are walking down the street , side by side, barely touching, to her house.  No jackets are needed as it is still warm. Talking they stop in front of the big entrance. A strong brick wall surrounds the old mansion, the iron gate is shut, behind a small lawn covered in  little white and pink daisies, their petals up to get a good nights sleep.

“This is my home”, she says, stopping. “This is your home? I didn’t know you live in this area. It is a beautiful old house. I always wondered what it looks like from the inside”, he answered. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, he thought to himself.

Her heart starts to beat. It beats fast, her eyes wide, “thank you for the nice evening and walking me home. I better go in”, she says and turns around  to open the gate. Without a word he grabs her wrist, yanking her towards him, looping one arm around her.

“Stop running from me”, he says with his deep smooth voice while looking her in the eyes.

Her hands are on his chest, trying to push him and her feelings away. She doesn’t want feelings. Feelings mean you are vulnerable. Her heart is in pieces and better that way. I can feel his heartbeat under my hands, it feels nice, but it shouldn’t, so many thoughts are in her mind.

The world around them seems to stop. No birds are chirping, the streets empty. Slowly he bends down, focusing on her sweet full lips. After month of trying to get through to her, he kisses her softly. She is not moving, her hands still in defense on his muscular chest. Moving his lips over hers, barely touching she comes alive. Still hesitant she kisses him back.

He doesn’t want to, but he stops. Hovering over her mouth he whispers, “You need to let me in… I want to be with you”. Seconds pass while they look at each other.

She doesn’t say a thing, she just stares.

“I am begging you, kiss me” he says. She breaks. Her hands warm on his chest, she stands on her tip toes and kisses him.  He let go of her hand, grabs the back of her head, pulling her even closer, a kiss so deep it goes all through her body. When he bites her lips she moans softly, her hands wandering over his chest up to his tattooed neck, stroking down his back over his firm manly bottom.

Tensing he picks her up, her legs around his hips he walks over to the brick wall and sits her down, their lips never parting, kissing, teasing, tongues playing with each other.

Her hands in his curly ginger short hair, lost in the moment she is kissing his neck, pressing her body into his, her nipples hard under her soft red tea dress.

“What a tease”, he groans. . .


When you don’t want “it”

  1. I am so00 tired

  2. I have headache

  3. I’m on my period

  4. The dog needs to go for a walk

  5. The cat is ill

  6. The water is boiling

  7. “Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson looks really good”

  8. Are you sure you lost that much weight?!

  9. Tell me what you are thinking

  10. Last time it wasn’t such a great “performance”

  11. The children can hear us

  12. I am coming down with something

  13. I am too hungry

  14. I am too stressed

  15. Do you really love me?

  16. How much do you love me?

  17. Can the cat stay in the bed?

  18. I am feeling pressured

  19. I have to scrub the toilet first

If above mentioned hints are of non avail:

    20. F…. OFF!!!

When Men Fake IT…

Sometimes when my husband is incredible quick in bed (doesn’t happen often), I wonder for a split second, if he might just have faked it (yes, of course he gets an earful for finishing before me, tut-tut). But on second thought he is way too selfish to fake it, once he finally gets some fun. According to him, it could be more often. A lot more often. But that is a different matter.

However, when I still  get those thoughts it always reminds me of my ex. Oi, not during sex, after it of course.

My ex.… I would never have thought that men would fake it too until it actually happened to my poor soul. It probably was a hint from the universe that I should show him the door, but I just couldn’t get rid of my pink glasses I have been wearing non-stop…

Back to the topic. We where in bed…we had sex…but he wasn’t really there, didn’t put as much effort in as usual and than he started his weird sounding moans of pleasure until he was quiet and rolled over. I mean, how stupid can a man be?!

I thought “okay” went to toilet to shower and get rid of the “evidence” only that there was no “evidence”!

So I asked him straight out and with a bright red face he admitted his crime. According to him, he wasn’t really in the mood. Fair enough.

But why faking it? Let me tell you guys something:

If you are a man and you want to fake it, either you have to use a condom and hide it quickly…. or…. well I don’t know other methods…. just say you don’t want sex! I do that very often with my husband. It is very easy:

“Darling, I am not in the mood and no, nothing can change that!!!”

See, easy!