Category: Mood

I’d like to kick my daughter to the moon!

Yes, it seems a bit harsh to some, but I would like, no I would LOVE to kick my teenage daughter to the moon… and even further!!!

Yes, this is a RANT blog!

She drives me out of my mind!

She has been away at her grandparents for three weeks (oh what for a bliss that was!). While she was away, my hubby found out that our dear daughter got several hidden social media accounts where she pretended to be older than she is, with a lot of pictures where you can see cleavage…

Yes, most teenage girls  do pretend to be older and yes, they post a lot of pictures (the worst ones to me are the “duck-face” ones which to be honest rather look like a cats bum!!!) But the thing is, there where a lot of men, MUCH older men talking to her and we all know there are a lot of perverts out there-

A naive young girl does not!!!

However, my beloved husband sorted it out straight away via phone, explained her mistakes/thoughtless actions, also asked why she hid them from us and also told her, that she has to change her attitude towards us which she ruefully agreed to!

Yeah, that was a good one!

Attitude, attitude, and did I mention it yet? ATTITUDE is all I get!

She barely gets her lazy behind of her bed! If I would start to recite what I get to hear all day long, you would either fall asleep or at least your bum cheeks, probably both!

It is a good thing, that I practice yoga on a regular basis, so despite the fact that she drives me mental I am still quite “zen”, but there is only so much a person can and should take, right???

But it’s okay! She got her own maid!

Someone who washes her laundry, puts her laundry back in the cupboard, shops and cooks, clothes and provides a roof over her!

Do I expect a “thank you”? No,


So yes, I wish I could kick her for a while, long enough to get VERY hungry and think about her actions, to the moon!!!

And while I do so, I lean back on the sofa and enjoy the peace… as much peace as you get with three more children around, but that is okay!


Thoughts to the one word prompt “Moon”

I should be running…

… but my running mojo hasn’t returned yet. It is probably on a non-stop party with another runner and obviously very happy!

Today I got woken up by bright sunshine! That and a sleepy voice whispering “cocoa…cocoa, mommy” and little feet trying to push me out of the bed.

I could have went for a (quick) early run, but I didn’t. Instead I did one hour of kettle bell, a tiny bit yoga and stretching and even then I really had to kick my own behind!

A week or so ago, I even posted on hardmoors Facebook site for advice what runners did when they experienced something similar.

I got plenty of answers and advice like

  • leave gadgets at home
  • go for shorter runs
  • relax for a week
  • do other things

As for the gadgets, I am not a big fan anyway and only take my watch if I run a new route to see how far it is and how long it takes and I did all the rest but still…

I honestly think, it is a head thing and I start to think about giving my hardmoors 60 place up.

Not because I won’t make it to the finish line. I probably would… with a little cry here and there… aching all over (because I didn’t exercise properly) and crawling the last bit…

But right now all I want to do is being lazy! Which frightens me a bit because that is so not me! I am not a lazy person! I love to be busy the whole day. I wouldn’t admit it all loud and yes I  get impatient the longer the day but only a busy day is a good day!

Or at least so it was until now.

It is (finally) nice weather, my two older children are back from their holiday so I technically could go for a run whenever I please, but why is my head not in it???

Maybe I am just not so happy at the moment and the impact is so massive , that I can’t be bothered with anything, not even change something.

That is sad, I know.

Well, maybe tomorrow is a better day. The light at the end of the tunnel is still on…



A dream is just a dream

I am a bit fed up!

And I am sooooo tired (and even more), because Cash kept  my husband and me awake the whole night!

But the main reason why I am fed up is because of this wonderful dream I had before I just woke up:

I dreamed I have these incredible good looking hipbones which where very visibly poking out of my flesh (in a good way of course, not dripping with blood like spare ribs!)

And then I woke up and reality hit me, visible hipbones gone…

Maybe I should start the morning with something to eat!

Yes, that might be a good start!

Good weekend everyone (it is weekend, isn’t it? I always loose track of time when it is summer term)!


Happy Vegan???

Why? Why me? Why do I belong to the ones on the other side???

For three or four weeks now I am on a vegan diet. Well no. The word “diet” is not appropriate as I never diet. The word “diet” is often associated with restricted calorie intake/less food.

In my case I eat like a horse! That is the only good thing so far!

Before my vegan lifestyle, I heard and read so many things about veganism, how people lost a lot of weight, how their skin was glowing, how healthy and energetic and frankly super good they are doing.

Me? I didn’t experience any of the above mentioned symptoms. The only thing I realized, I am feeling lighter despite the fact that I eat so huge amounts of fruit and veg.

It is the same when I got pregnant, I couldn’t wait to have this incredible baby bump and look all cute… The reality was, I just looked fat with a huge baby bump and huge ass where you could have put a tea cup on each bum cheek. Reckon you look fat when you gain 60 pounds!

Then when I started breastfeeding, I was assured, to loose the weight without doing anything as you burn calories while feeding the baby. Yeah, that was a good one! I had to fight for every single pound and really lost them when I stopped   breastfeeding!

So what about the hailed vegan transformation?! Where is the slender body??? The glow??? It’s not that I feel lethargic or hungry… but why don’t my love handles melt?! Huh? At least that! Is that too much asked for? They are really persistent which is a outrage!!!

Yes, yes I know it takes time…the body needs between three and six month to detox from animal products and no, I will not go back but still, for once I would like to fit in like everyone else, BIG SIGH…


Wish to have the flu?!

In a moment of madness or shall I rather call it sheer desperation, I wished I have the flu!

What happened?

I was in bed rather early yesterday due to overeating! I had dinner and a whole bag of sweet popcorn. Usually I do one or the other because I know I will feel sick, if I have both but yesterday I was just greedy.

So off to bed I went, feeling too full. I was turning and tossing around and when I finally fell asleep, Cash kept on waking me up either by putting his leg over my neck or searching in his sleep for me and finally at 4am he sat straight in the middle of the bed, asking for cocoa over and over again until I got up; still with my sleeping mask on!

When we returned to bed, he quickly fell asleep but has been restless and just wouldn’t let me sleep.

Close to tears I thought,

I wish I had the flu! When you have the flu at least you sleep! And when you can’t sleep you swallow a concoction which knocks you out for the next 24h!

Totally forgotten, that when you have the flu and 4 children at home, it doesn’t matter whether you are ill or not, there is no chance that you can sneak into bed for a nice nap! Also forgotten that you feel quite sh.tty!

Did I mention that when I got up this morning, I still felt queasy? And that I don’t have much of an appetite? Obviously my eyesight is not the best either, because when my mobile just rang, I was certain it said “hubby mobile” so I picked up with the usual

“Hello, what do you want?!” phrase just to have the nurse from the medcentre asking for me. Whoops… fortunately she found it amusing when I explained that I expected my husband to phone.

Well as for the flu or wishes in general:

Be careful what you wish for!



I wish I was on an island…

…oh wait, I actually am on an island, ha ha ha….

No, seriously. I wish I was on an island, all by myself. Even if it was just for a while.

You know this moment when it happens and you think “island, please”?

My reason(s) to be on an island is quite simple:


It is too much family, too much responsibility, too much of everything and unfortunately  too little money.

We are so skint at the moment, that we can only buy the food we really need, no extras like sweets or expensive gluten free products like cereals and we use the car only if we really have to to save on fuel.

The past few month we have been very stupid. Spend our money on races, recce trips, running gear, books and food. The army has forgotten to charge for the rent and stupid as we where, we didn’t think about that when we have to pay it back, they would take such big chunks of my husbands wage. . .

I am desperate for a job. I NEED a job. A second income would be perfect. BUT the fees for a full day nursery for Cash are that high, that when I calculate the fuel in, next to nothing would be left of the wage. It is said, really. You want women to be independent, but don’t offer much help when it comes to childcare!

Another thing is our teenage daughter. A PROPER  TEENAGER who is only nice and sweet outside the house and only does as she is told when she wants something.

Try to keep calm, try to keep patient, just don’t listen, I try to tell myself everyday, but it is exhausting and everyone who has teenagers at home probably knows how I feel! What ever you do, you do it wrong. When it comes to teenager, to rebellious teenager, it seems there is no right nor wrong. You just have to sit it out, wait until said teenager moves out and drives someone else mental!

And also my body. I don’t like my body at the moment. Everywhere I can feel wobbly body parts and the fact that my little daughter Cailleach comes in the bathroom squishing my bum, saying “mummy look how it is bouncing”, doesn’t help either!

Running. I didn’t do much running. Somehow I lost my running mojo. I should train, or at least go for my usual runs, but I just can’t be bothered. I am not totally lazy though. I exercise at home, but still. I need to train, as I still have 3 more races to come. One in two weeks, the other two in September…

I know, instead of whinging, I should change something. And I do, step by step, but sometimes, just sometimes I wished I was on an island, only me, myself and I.

Thoughts of today’s prompt word “island”.


The commitment issue

I was told a few times, I should come and join a running club, see what it is like and every time my reply is

“Yes, I might”.

And I really mean it when I say it. But later on when the the deadline for the day comes closer, I find a million reasons not to go…. bad weather, maybe the other runners are much faster than me and I would hold them back… my running tights are not washed (all 5!) and/or I put weight on and can’t squeeze into them, are just a few.

Every time when I finish a good book, I put it in my cupboard to the others with the good intention to pass them on to my children. But after some time, sometimes even years, I start to sort books out, because my cupboard looks so untidy, the heavy weight could damage the wood, the books are not appropriate for the children and so on.

The same goes for clothes, I want to squirrel them away but start to feel uneasy with so many things I don’t wear anymore. Off to the next recycling bin.

Sadly the same happened with best friends. Only that they didn’t up in a recycling bin but then again, who knows? At some point even though I thought real friendships last forever, it came to a split. After trying and trying to make a friendship work, I just chucked them!

In the last 15 years I moved house 9 or 10 times. If I stay too long at some place I get nervous. I needed a change of scenery. I knew my surroundings. Why stay put?

Oh totally forgotten to mention the little voice in my head, or maybe it is a little devil sitting on my shoulder, saying when it came to boyfriends:

“Is that it? Was that all? Surely there must be more!” followed from THE SPEECH which always went like this

“I am sorry, but I don’t love you and this is me, splitting up from you!”

Exactly like that to make sure, they get it and know there is no way to talk me out of it!

I can’t even make plans. If I want to go shopping or for a trip, I decide a few hours or even only minutes beforehand. If I want to go for holidays, I decide just before the school term ends. Who knows what for other exciting possibilities are waiting for me?

Not even my skin care routine/products are the same long term wise. Maybe one day they won’t produce my current favourite items anymore and then what?!

So here you go, I say it all aloud:

I (think) I have commitment issues!!! But I am not unhappy about it because on the other hand, maybe it is just another way to keep the door open!