Category: Mood

Two steps forward, one step back…

…. that’s basically it for I don’t know how long this year.

Since my husband decided he doesn’t want to be in his current job, we have to move house by 1. June 2018. Which actually means, we need/want to buy a house as soon as possible.

No, let me rephrase this:

We have to buy a house rather this year than next. Problem is:

We would like to put a higher deposit for a mortgage down and would like to pay off our car and to do so, we need money.

Money my nice parents and also my uncle would lend us.

BUT

My parents need to sell a property first. But the mills of God grind slowly! Very, very slowly. One tiny peace of paper has to send from a to b over to c, back to a and so on and on…. that takes a lot of time. Time we don’t have!

My uncle is waiting for money to come through as well, but again, we don’t know when and it may be also too late.

You see, two steps forward, one back-

Throughout the year.

And for almost a month I am suffering from a thumping tinnitus and the doctor did not solve/found the problem yet.

I have no idea why it suddenly started, as I didn’t do anything that could have caused it.

So, we don’t have a house which we desperately need, I have a tinnitus, am constantly tired and run around with puffy eyes.

Oh and did I mention I have a very annoying teenage daughter?

Every time when I read about naughty teenagers or saw bad behaved young teens on the street I thought, it must be the parents fault! Suuuurely it must be!

But…. my son who is only 1 1/2 years older is treated exactly the same way and he is nothing like his sister!

She is driving me out of my mind so much so, that if I would win the lottery I would take the easy way out and send her straight to boarding school so that they could put up with her!

Hey, I love my life!!!

Franky

 

Don’t look down on people!

The other day my husband and our youngest one where out, sitting in a well known fast food restaurant, waiting for our order.

And I did something awful! I looked at the staff behind the counter and wondered if they didn’t learn something proper that they have to work in such a place.

But seconds later I realized what I did.

I did the same many do to me when I am at work, which is also a big fast food chain:

People come in and they look you up and down, often have a smirk on their face and are impatient when you don’t type in their order fast enough.

Little do they know, that sometimes people have no choice but to work in shops well known to employ without work specific knowledge, degrees, diplomas and I don’t know what else, because it is the closest to where they live and they can’t afford to work further away, like me.

Usually I don’t mind they’re looks but when it does get to me, I think:

Just out of their nappies, still wet behind their ears and giving me “the look”. I have so much work experience, it would last for two lives!!!

So though the staff might not have realized my look, I do apologize. It was thoughtless.

Franky

 

Undisturbed Sleep

I am certain I said it in a previous post, but I say it again:

I am sleep deprived!!! Which is very exhausting. Every morning, even when I get to go to bed at 8pm, I have to force myself out of bed!

Not because I am a I-love-to-sleep-in sort of type, no, because I get easily disturbed!

Have you watched the movie “Trainwreck”? The scene when Amy Schumer stays over at the doctors?

THAT is so me!

My husband claims he can’t fall asleep when he can’t touch me, so he often puts at least one foot on my leg (where I often wonder, how is it he says he can’t fall asleep without touching  me, when he is wearing socks in bed?!? He can’t really feel anything anyway!).

When he does so, I am wide awake, eyes like saucers, waiting for him to fall asleep and when he finally does, I either move his leg over (but that only works when he is already snoring), or I move to the edge of the bed.

It all started when I was a little baby. I would not fall asleep on the arm or in the same bed as my parents, they had to put me in my own cot! So when they put me down, I fell asleep without whinging and that lasted for at least 10 hours!

My parents where so spoiled (at least as long I was an innocent, helpless baby), they often had to check if I was still alive and wake me up!!!

As long I was in my own bed, nothing could wake me up. I had a very deep sleep. Early to bed and early back up throughout my teens and into adulthood.

At least as long I was single!

When I was in a relationship, my sleep got disturbed by unruly, other, not to me belonging body parts!

Sure when you are still in your “honeymoon-phase”, it feels cosy and you want to touch your new man’s/woman’s body constantly, but when it comes to MY sleep, it is no fun!

So what did I do?! I pretended to be all loved up and comfy, just to wait for the guy to fall asleep so I could roll over to my side (at least if the bed was big enough) to get at least a bit of sleep myself.

I am sorry, but I just can’t do it! Never could, never will!

I don’t want to get breathed at and I don’t want to have way to warm body parts slung over me.

I need my sleep! Sleep is important! I don’t get much as it is!

So dear God, do you hear me? If so, can you send someone down at nighttime who could prevent hubby from sneaking up on me? Hm…. I can’t quite hear you but presume you got my message and granted my wish!

Many thanks!

Franky

 

Audio books

I just read a post where the lady said, she was listening to an audio book.

The story sound nice and for a split second I was thinking to finally buy one myself!

But hold on…..

No…..

I can’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The reason is very simple:

When I read “real” books, I can barely make it to the middle, I am so excited and nosy, that I have to have to read the last page to find out how it ends!

And no, it doesn’t spoil it at all. Once I know how it ends, I am even more eager to find out how it came to this end!

(I just did it again just yesterday with Elisa S. Amore’s book, “Touched Saga II”)

And so I wondered:

“How am I suppose to go to the “last page”, the final chapter, the end?!

To press the “forward” button? Is there even such a thing? A forward button that is?”

No, Sir!

Like I said it was just a split second……

A second of silliness…..

Me and an audio book…… hahahahahaha that was a good one!

I stick to my nice paper books, preferably hardcovers, but paperbacks will do as well.

Franky

Why is life so against me?!

I say it straight away, this is going to be a whining post! So if you are  in a good mood, do not read any further, just leave, I won’t be angry!

At the present moment it feels like life is totally against me. Or maybe God has forgotten that I too, exist. Or he is just fed up with me, because I ask so many questions and beg him for so many things.

I don’t know as I never get an answer. Either that or I am just too blind to see the signs and/or too deaf to hear what he has to say!

Usually I am a very laid back girl in every aspect of life:

  • When someone cheated on me
  • When someone left me
  • When someone talked about me
  • When I got fired
  • When I had to move house
  • When friends/family turned on me
  • When getting lost in the woods or city
  • When the daughter things, she can wear make-up by the age of 12

Just life in general. I am just like “yeah happens…..” and I move on. Sometimes me moving on takes up to a few days but after that the sun is shining bright and just for me, as I am the centre of the world!

But at the current moment, no let me rephrase that:

For a while now, I am feeling pretty low, I would almost say even a bit depressed:

When it comes to money, it’s not fun! Do not take friends/family’s money, do not lend money! Pay your bills yourself and here we are:

It feels like I just go to work to pay our bills or for things which are really needed!

I actually wanted to pay of two major things by the end of this year, but we just got hit by another big bill and I can see no end.

I have belly aches, I can’t sleep though I feel constantly tired, I am very impatient (I thought I could not top that, but I am wrong, I successfully mastered myself out!) I don’t even exercise. Yes, you read right, I don’t exercise! Me! For a couple of weeks now, I am feeling that low!

I sit here and ask myself, “will it be like that for the rest of my life?”

Of course husband says, I should not worry and leave it to him, but his wage will not change  and mine got reduced due to less working hours (that does not help either!)

If I could, I would look for another job with more hours, but living in a small area, vacancies are rare, plus I can’t afford to drive somewhere to work as I still have a little one here at home.

Oh and did I mention, we’re going to move to Orkney early next year. We need to find a house on time. We also need to get the money somehow (see, MONEY, again).

I also won’t move house anymore which I am rather fond of, moving house that is. I like to see new places and don’t like to be stuck for too long. I moved house a lot in the past. On the other hand it might be time to have my own home. I just hope I won’t struggle for too long.

Why do I always have to walk the rocky path? Why can’t it be easy, even if it is only for a while?

AND… why does the money not grow out of my pockets???

Franky