Category: Money

Negativ Sites Of Parenthood

When you become a parent, you have all these ideals like, my baby will never sleep in my bed or my child will eat all the healthy food which of course I will cook from scratch…

New parents or parents to be hold onto their believes until the shit hits the fan and they end up crying for whatever reason… sleep deprivation, rejecting food, throwing tantrums are just a few to be named.

Nowadays I find myself tearing up every once in a while as my two older children hate me and my little ones are still at their dads and I miss them.

I think it doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, if your child wants to be angry with you it will be no matter what. You can be strict, you can allow them whatever they desire, you can beg and plead… no one knows what the right way is!

Despite the fact that we all love our children, I am pretty sure that the one or other, including me, thought why we got children in the first place. I know, I know that sounds horrible, but it is true. Sometimes the weight on our shoulders is seems just too much and we cry, we get angry, we are disappointed in ourself and the world.

But I strongly believe… no, I just have to believe that there will be better times and that the struggle will end and happy days will return.

So whatever situation you are in, no sleep, no money, children away and/or hate you, an ex who hates you more than your children, a boring/shit paid job that is not compatible with your working hours, not being able to get rid of your annoying baby pounds, friends who don’t have time for you anymore because they don’t know what it is like to have children, teenagers who know everything better…

I have been there, I still am and I am feeling you, I really do.

But I swallow my tears who would just make me ugly and I march on, hoping for better times, just as I always do.

That’s what we do, right? We love and we march on!

Franky

My Daughter Hates Me…

Yeah it’s right, she hates me right now! She does every time she doesn’t get what she wants.

If there is an occasion, she throws a tantrum and if that doesn’t work, she plays the guilt card… if that doesn’t work she lists all the bad things I may or may not have done, the things I said which she took personal and how bad of a mother overall I am!

But this time, this time ladies and gentlemen, she took it to a whole new level!!!

Let me start from the beginning:

The biological father left us when the now old babies where 3 and 1 1/2 years old which was a real blessing!

During the years he went from seeing the children once per week/every second weekend to once per year! I didn’t even tell them when he was supposed to pick them up as often he would just cancel.

During visiting periods their biological dad would never phone, write or email! I asked him to put more effort in as one day the children would not want to have anything to do with him.

Which was the case! My daughter refused for years to meet him. He even blamed her for being depressed!

He has given me so much grief, has not paid child support for a couple of years and always blames others for whatever goes wrong in his life! But despite our difficulties I always thought, that the children have to make up their own mind and decide whether they want to see him or not. I gave them the choice. I didn’t want to take that from them.

Now that I moved out, my darling daughter insists that I have to give her the child support money as she is entitled to it! She claimed she needed it for her college course next year. Which is bullshit as she would not save it whatsoever!

When I refused, explaining to her that I still contribute to the household even though I am not physically there, she contacted her “real” dad, asking for the money to be transferred to her dads (darling ex) account instead of mine!

I even told her, that her dad needs the money for food, water and whatever she needs for school, clothing…. and that there might not be much left for her.

And do you know what she said???

“That is okay!”

This is just a power thing!

Of course the biological dad gladly transferred the money to darling ex, not replying to my emails asking for the outstanding 14.000€ child support he still owes me!

I usually don’t bad mouth someone (the biological dad) who is not here to defend themselves. But believe me, in this case…. oh in this case….

I just say it as it is:

Once an asshole, always an asshole!!!

Franky

The Stigmata Of Single Mothers

I don’t know why this is still a common thing:

Single mothers… single mothers who try to find happiness in a new relationship. Often I heard things like:

She just wants to find a new father for her kids and to be taken care of…. the poor new guy has to play father figure and pay for everything……

It is no wonder why so many women stay because they believe, no sane, good man would ever want her. I know women who where scared to end a relationship because of that exact thing.

But if it was the other way around and there is a single father, raising his children alone, all you hear is:

What a good man, doing it all alone.

I bet no one would say when he is in a new relationship that he just wants to be secure!

I see it this way:

If a man does not want you, it has nothing to do with your children! It’s more that he doesn’t love you!

A man who loves you, really loves you, loves everything about you including your children. The question wouldn’t even arise, if her motives are genuine or if she is just after security and money!

And even if a single mother does not find a new relationship, I believe it is better to be alone and enjoy your children than in a miserable one!

Franky

Finally Moved Out…

It’s done. I finally moved out and in with my new man who is incredible. He is hot and funny and kind and so much more.

On Monday I will start my new job and I am excited about learning new skills.

This is a much needed new start.

The only thing missing are the babies. I miss them and wished they could be here with us already. Of course I miss my older babies too… but they don’t need me anymore… not really.

I think the babies need a new start as well. My little daughter is not doing well in school at all. Probably caused by the divorce of darling ex and myself.

Ever since she joined her new school, she got bullied. Not all the time and I am sure most of the teachers do their best to speak to all involved but it got to the point, that (apparently) she is quite aggressive towards other children and she does not follow tasks during class.

Like me, my children never found real friends in Callander. It’s always a back and forth. And we all know what children can be like. Once they pick on someone, they keep on doing it and so I believe a new school might be a good idea.

Unfortunately finding an affordable home in good old Scotland can be difficult when you have a specific budget. The nicer the area, the higher the rent from a private landlord. And council houses? The demand is high and the waiting lists for new builds already endless…

My favourite time of the year, autumn and winter, has finally arrived but I can’t really fully enjoy it so far.

I haven’t felt so good recently…. couldn’t exercise which is a big deal… my babies are not around….my kitties are at the old place…..another lock down is possibly looming…

But I am loved by my man, by my children and friends and that outweighs the negatives.

I march on because that is the only way I have ever known.

And as long I have love in my life, it’s worth fighting for my dreams and hopes.

What more can someone ask for???

Franky

Comfortable Silence

I have been with my new, beautiful, hot man for a couple of weeks now and everything is perfectly fine.

One more week to go and I am moving to his for good. Every now and again I moved some of my possessions over…

We do things like every other couple. From being lazy all day long watching Netflix to meeting family and of course, spending lots of time in bed as we are on holiday at the current moment.

We are so comfortable with each other that we don’t need to talk non stop which I find quite relaxing for the mind.

It’s what I call comfortable silence. Being with each other, not saying a word without feeling awkward.

That’s nice.

I don’t feel the pressure searching for a topic to talk about. I just look at him all goofy with my pink glasses on and everything is alright.

You guessed it, we are of course still in our honey moon period and I couldn’t be happier.

In a weeks time I am going to move in and start my new job right away which is all very exciting.

My new sexy-legs-hot-man asked me yesterday when we where on our way back from the Isle of Skye, if I was sure I really wanted to do this as he does not want me to regret my choice.

Baby, in case you read this:

Of course I am 100% certain this is what I want because you are what I need! I don’t care about a fancy big house and posh cars and expensive clothes as long as you are by my side, all is good. All is as it should be!!!

Franky

Moving House Without The Babies

This month I am going to move house. I am going a bit further north. I am moving in with my new man. Yes, we are going full speed! But do you know what? Why wait when you know this is what you want and this is right?! If you want something, take it! You are only young once and as for me, I don’t want to cry after missed opportunities!

But now here comes the crux:

For now I am going to move without my babies. But this was not entirely my decision. Darling ex wants the little ones to finish their school year before moving. We included them in the decision, asking them what they want.

And with everything new and confusing for them, they want to stay here for now as well. The big ones didn’t want to leave anyway. And to be fair, they are grown up despite their still young age. They do their own decisions. Myself as well as their dad did a pretty good job bringing them up. They don’t need us anymore. They are clever enough to know whats write and whats wrong and what they want from life!

Now, from many sides I got shouted at, that I am leaving my children behind… I am abandoning my children for a new boyfriend…

I tried to explain, that when parents split up it has a big impact on children and I tried to make people understand that it is better for them to stay at their home with their siblings and their father, surrounded by friends for now… but all I hear is:

But they are your children!!! You could have stayed in the same town…

Yes, I know they are mine. I gave birth to them, I raised them! And no, I could not have stayed in the same town as this is a tourist town which means, no jobs with at least a half way decent wage!!! But if said shouting people like to pay my bills for me, sure, I consider staying. That, my friends, is called sarcasm!!!

People find it difficult to understand that a father has the same rights as a mother. So I ask you, where is the difference about a mother going away with her children or a father taking the children?!

I think it would be more harmful if I rip the children out of their environment, away from siblings, father and friends without warning!

This way I can sort out my new position, have some time to look for a nice house for all of us and let the children get used to the idea of moving. And not to forget let their dad get used to the idea to not be around them as often anymore.

I just hope that in the end they really want to move in with me… and if not??? It would make me incredibly sad but in the end it counts what my children want and not what I need!

I’ve been known for being unconventional… what ever life throws in my way, I will make the best of it!

Franky

When Your Work Environment Is A Gossiping Family

I recently quit my job without having a new one. Ops, I did it again. But I have a very good reason for it:

I chose love over work and will move up further north and am already on it in regards to find a new job.

Would I have stayed at my current job, I would have been offered a promotion once my supervisor would have left (she, too is looking for new employment).

Now here comes the crux:

A while ago I told my colleague that I made it very clear when I started that I want to be promoted to a better position. But after more than 6 month nothing has happened and I felt that I did not get the attention and training I should have.

She must have told my boss as he approached me today, saying that if I would (have) stay(ed), he would keep on training me once my colleague leaves.

I guess when you are such a tight knit team as we are, everyone knows everything. Chatterboxes is all I say.

Still, I am leaving! He should have done more to keep me.

Well, should have, could have, would have…

Franky

 

Dating Advice For The Ex

It is really funny how my life turned out. I didn’t see myself separating after 10 years of marriage, doing the conscious uncoupling thing and lastly giving my ex dating advice.

Darling ex was married twice before he met me, so really he was never alone and always in longterm relationships. Which means he has no clue when it comes to dating.

How to be flirty? What to say? What not to say? What is appropriate? When to ask to exchange numbers? When to initiate the first date?

So many questions…. the list goes on and on.

However, darling ex told me the other day, he is talking to a lady. At some point he messaged her something he shouldn’t have. So to rescue him from being dumped before it even begins, I told him how to save his backside.

Gentlemen, let me tell what women would want to hear. At least from my point of view:

Be straight with them! Honesty is the best medicine as women are sneaky detectives. If they want to find something out, they will and if they don’t like it, aaaaaall hell will break lose!

Also, tell them what you want from a relationship, but only the important basics. We don’t want to know your whole story!

And if you are just out of a relationship, but still friends with your ex for whatever reasons, let her know and ask her how she feels about it. If she is uncomfortable, ask her what she would suggest! But even if she says, that she is fine with it, never ever tell her you asked your ex for advice! Oh boy she will be so offended, she might not kill you right away, but you will never going to live that one down!

Never, ever slag down your ex- even if she deserves it. If a potential new partner asks what went wrong, begin with “this is my point of view and there are always two sides to a story… she might see it completely differently and I don’t want her to look bad as she is not here to defend herself…” That will give you lots of brownie points! Take my word for it! Plus it is a decent and very adult thing to do!

Don’t try too hard. If she doesn’t reply straight away, she might be busy. You, are not the centre of her world and that is okay- live with it!

Do not try to get into her knickers on the first date, unless she specifically says so! She might be the one, so plenty of time to rip of those panties!

If you think you can impress her with your bank account, think twice if you really want such a shallow person as your partner! A woman who genuinely likes you, doesn’t care about money, a sparkling car or a posh mention!

And when after all the above you really made it to first base, don’t eat her face off and fish for the remaining last dinner! A nice, slow kiss with soft lips and a little bit of tongue action is what women want! So get the lip scrub out and prepare!

And now the most important thing:

Be yourself and make her laugh! If you can make her laugh without playing the fool, you did it!

So darling ex has the most important facts and now it is up to him to score. I don’t mind helping him out as I want him to be happy.

Me? Well, I certainly didn’t look nor did I expect it, but someone special found me. I don’t want to talk about it just yet. Don’t want to jinx it. . . so stay tuned!

Franky

When Is The Right Time To Move Out???

Though our separation is still quite fresh, darling ex and me where talking about moving house. Not that he wants me to move house or is rushing me. Not at all. But we both know, we can’t live under one roof forever, especially when we start dating again.

But when is the right time to move out and separate the family?

Where will I go?

Will I find somewhere affordable? Will it be a nice area?

How far away will I move?

Will I buy or rent? And if I rent, will I be able to take my kitties? And if I plan to buy (which I would prefer), would I be granted a mortgage???

How sad will my babies be to “live” in two places from now on?

Will I find work in the area?

The last one is the most important one! Since I want to go up north, how are the chances to find a job nearby my new place and will it be manageable with the children and school???

Will my darling ex, the babies and me, still be a tight knitted team?

Can I even afford to move, as in new furniture etc. At the current moment the answer would be “no”.

So many questions, so little answers…

Franky

Denial

I don’t eat

And I don’t sleep

Though there is nothing

I’d rather do but sleep

To make it to the next day

My brain is able to comprehend

But my heart is in denial

About you ever coming back

To me