Category: Money

Parenthood is so hard…

I have been a parent for almost 18 years now. Longer if you count the pregnancy as well.

When my first born arrived it felt just right. I loved my son straight away despite the fact that he looked like a very red spotty beetle. Motherly love, eh?

When my second one arrived 1 year and 5 month later it was love again, not at (first) sight as she looked like a sumo wrestler baby but fortunately she outgrew that very quickly.

Having them both together was fun and for a long time it was only us, the three musketeers. We had our routine and were happy. But it was also very exhausting and there were days when I had to lock myself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes for a good cry….

Than 10 years later a second beloved daughter arrived and oh she was perfect! I had given up on the fact that when my children are born they have to grow into beautiful individuals but she, my Cailleach, was perfect!

Two years after Cailleach our second son arrived 6 weeks premature but strong and healthy given the circumstances and also so handsome!

Thinking I was exhausted when I had the first two, I can only laugh! Never had I such ferocious dark baggy circles under my eyes which on a daily basis said hello to my knees! I even cried from sleep deprivation as the two little monsters wanted nothing but mommies boobies and arms to be held 24/7 for over a year from the time they arrived.

But if you think toddlerhood is exhausting, wait until you have teenagers. Female teenagers to be precise.

They can be so stubborn, they have their own mind and ways and that is totally fine- as long you don’t live under one roof!

They can be so incredibly lazy that you want to pull your hair out or better theirs and only help around the house if you

a) threaten

or

b) pay them

or

c) well they usually don’t even blink an eyelash when it comes to help out anyway….

I know I should be more considerate, I should just let them be, but the thing is:

My 7 year old daughter is already developing the same attitude! SHE IS 7!!! And I just can’t have another one of this type! It is just too much with everything else going on like paying off a house, finding a proper job that makes me happy with a good wage, getting my garden done (spend hours so far gardening), trying to get the rest of my house done, trying to figure out how to pay for all this….

At the moment I just want peace and quiet. I don’t want to feel sad and tired and puzzled trying to figure out what to do and how to survive another day!

In an ideal world I would come home from a job I love to find my house clean and tidy.

In an ideal world I would be able to make breakfast and cook.

In an ideal world I wouldn’t have to worry about my children’s homework and education.

But this is not an ideal world.

I wished I could stop being a mum, just for a bit, to be able to breath and take care of myself…

I wished it would get easier, but it never does.

But we keep on marching and we keep on loving.

Franky

Orkney or Cork???

Last week I applied for at least 3 vacancies on beautiful Orkney island, mainland.

Yes I know, we just bought a house and I was lucky enough to finally find a job near where I live now….

If there wasn’t a BUT!

But, two things:

  1. There is not much more to achieve for me… I think… on the other hand, I could stick it out until another position as retreat manager or similar will open internally…. But I don’t think I want to work for the rest of my life in a retreat, managing a café and checking guests in and out… Don’t get me wrong, the location, my colleagues and the guests are all lovely…but:
  2. The wage I earn is not enough to provide for my family in case my husband would lose his job or even worse.

And after all we wanted to go Orkney anyway. No, let me rephrase that: I wanted us to go to Orkney! So here is me thinking, searching desperately for a job I love, where I can achieve more skills and where I finally finally settle, happy as Larry!

But it feels as if nobody wants to give me a chance. I apply for jobs but get one rejection after the other and it is very difficult to remain in my Franky-Everything-Will-Be-Alright-Bubble!

My husband says, all you need is the one person who believes in you and gives you a chance to prove yourself! Well it would be nice if that person would turn up!

And now another bomb which could change everything again:

My husband told me yesterday evening all nonchalantly that he applied for some vacancies in, and now here it comes, Ireland! Yes, Ireland!

How exciting is that???

So it might be my husband who moves away for a better job and not me.

However, I will keep you updated!

Franky

Job OCD???

I recently discovered that I probably might have JOB-OCD, if there is such a thing that is!

Maybe you think it might be job hopping, but no, no no I don’t believe it is job hopping.

What I mean is, that whenever I achieved everything there is to achieve, my brain feels as if it is shrinking, followed by the need to want to gain more skills.

In order to gain more skills, I have to look for another job, a different job, a job with perspective or a job where I can progress for a higher position.

There must be a way to find a good paid job which I fully enjoy because there is so much new to learn.

I think that’s why I loved my job at the airport, working as a check-in agent. The wage wasn’t the greatest, but until I left (I got married and moved away) I was taught 3 different check-in systems for different airlines and intern was the possibility to switch to another department and I would have loved to be at the back-office, keeping an eye on all the flights and everything that comes with it.

So yes, I MUST have JOB-OCD, a never-ending thirst for new knowledge!

I wonder if you can cure this with medication….?

Awww the right job will come along sooner or later. Let’s hope sooner than later!

 

Franky

A job to make the world a better place

I recently found new employment near wear I live. It is a beautiful location right by one of Scotlands stunning lochs. The job itself is very nice and relaxed and I love the people I work with. I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to prove that I am the right candidate for this job and I am happy to learn new things every day. It was is what I was looking for-

A job near me (only 4 miles) which does not suck the life out of me and where I might get the opportunity to work outdoors every now and then. The payment is okay as well, though would not be enough if I would live on my own never mind with my children.

Now comes the big BUT:

Why is it so difficult to find a job which has some meaning, which would make the world a different even a better place?

Like working on a small island to get the economy going, to attract more tourism and more people willing to live on said place…

I would love to do something like that! Creating a better place through lots of hard work and smart decisions. Built things, create things, help to open schools and kindergarten where there are non…

So why, I ask you, can’t I settle with what I got? Why is there the constant need to learn new things?

Is there such thing as the perfect job? A job where you can’t wait to get up in the morning and give your 110%?

And why, oh why did nobody find me to give me a job like that at?!?

Franky

I really want to quit my job…

…because I am constantly exhausted. No maybe not exhausted, but tired.

Yes, I am constantly tired!

I have been off this week as I still had some holidays left and still I go to bed at 9 o’clock the latest.

I just received the new rota for next week and when I checked how many guests there are for breakfast, I am already dreading the day I have to be back there at 6am!

Usually I have to get up at 4:30am, leave the house around 5:15am, drive 30 minutes to the place I work, finish at noon, drive back, have to really press my ass cheeks together to get some exercise in, leave again at 2:30pm to pick up babies from school.

In-between I try to squeeze all household chores in and at 6 in the evening I wish someone would have mercy and shoot me.

By 7am I am in bed.

I usually tell my children not to use the word as it is a very strong word, but I start to hate my job.

I hate getting up that early.

I hate driving 30 minutes in the early morning. I know 30 minutes is nothing but when you are tired, 30 minutes can be very long!

My and my families happiness should come first, not a job which does nothing but exhaust you, is badly paid and people don’t appreciate you!

I applied for several jobs here nearby, even seasonal jobs, without success.

I heard people who started at the same time as me say:

“I stick it out for 6 month and than apply for other jobs as this right now will look very good in my CV!!!”

If that is the case, why don’t I get hired? Do employers think I am too qualified? If so, I should decide whether I am too qualified or not!

I would love an outdoors job somewhere nearby. I even applied for a job at a fish farm, but no one seems to want me.

I wish I could just quit, but unfortunately I need the money.

BIG SIGH.

Guess I have to keep on looking and not give up hope.

Franky

I lost my way

I think I lost my way!

I’ve been thinking that for a while now.

When I ask myself where I would like to see myself in 5 years, my answer would be:

In a job I really enjoy. A job which is enjoyable and earns me a bit of money!

The reality might be different though. I might be stuck like I am now. In a job which is convenient and pays the bills.

I am not a dumb person. I studied different things. I have diplomas for two different type of jobs and a lot of knowledge when it comes to other things I did.

I like learning new things and I love physical jobs! Jobs where I almost drop dead by the end of the day because it makes me feel like I actually did something useful!

A few days ago I found a trainee vacancy in Livingston for (I think it was) a ship or boat company. They where looking for someone who would assist with boat repairs etc.

I would have loved to apply for this job, but travel hours would have been too long.

Every week I check the ferry websites for their job offers. I know the seasonal job offers should be out soon and I wonder if I should sign up for a stcw training so I can apply. But I don’t want to pay a £1000 for a course and in the end I don’t get the job. Of course getting this certificate is no guarantee for employment but shouldn’t I do anything to go forward?

I feel lost. So lost! I bet everyone of you felt like this before and if not, well lucky you. It is not a nice feeling.

Well…it is 7:14pm, my uniform is already ironed and ready for tomorrow and I will be off to bed now.

Beauty sleep is essential and tomorrow might be a better day or the job opportunity!

Franky (who keeps her hopes up)

Our very own house

We made it. Finally!

We finally bought our very own house. We paid more than we intended to. Also it is not as far north as I would have wished to.

We decided against Orkney. We travelled all around Scotland, checked places, viewed houses and eventually settled for a nice cottage in the beautiful town of Callander.

It was built late 1600s, it has fireplaces, a dine-in kitchen, a big enough garden and the area enough outdoor activities, bigger towns and cities near by for work-

All important factors for us.

Now whenever I have my days off, I start painting rooms. Yes, I know usually you renovate before you move in- we do it in reverse. Plainly because we really wanted to move out of this teeny weeny tiny cottage which was infested with humongous monster spiders!

Unfortunately I haven’t seen much of the area just yet, as I do nothing but work and if I get home early, it is raining. Like hammering down bad rain!

Actually I should be the happiest person alive. I live in Scotland with my family in a traditional beautiful cottage in a even more beautiful area….. but still.

Maybe it is the fact that from now on we just go to work to pay off the house, pay for the renovations (you should see the wall paper which snakes its way to the first floor, roses far as the eye can see), pay this big amount of council tax….

I look at the house and see how it could look like once it is done.

Wallpaper down and nice colours on…

Getting those ugly tiles off the floor, ripping the carpet out replacing all with nice wooden flooring….

At some point install nice new bathrooms (yes, plural. We have 4!)….

Ax two of those awful trees down….

Repaint my poop brown kitchen units, change the handles, install Belfast sink, change worktop for wood……

Sooooo much  to do.

I think the fact that I see how much there still is to do and me being me, wanting to get it done there and then. And the fact that I can’t get it all done straight away as money does not grow out of my pockets does not let me enjoy my house….Maybe I should just sit back and relax….

But for now:

Off to bed.

Nighty night

Franky