Category: Men

When your friend confesses in you

A few days ago a dear friend of mine send me an email. Because my friends all live overseas, we keep each other more or less up to date via email. Every now and then also via Whatsapp (voice-) messages.

However. I am reading her email about her life and so on and then all of a sudden she says, a friend of hers kissed her.

We have to dig a bit deeper here.

My friend is a beautiful intelligent lady who is in a long-term loving and happy relationship with a nice man. And the man who kissed her, was or still is just a good friend, or so she thought.

They where out in town at the weekend, preparing things for a party and on the way home they stopped in a park for a rest in the sun. So they put their shopping bags on a bench and before she knew what was going on he said

“I am sorry for doing this to you, but I just have to, even knowing this will be the only time…”

and then he took her face with both hands and kissed her! She kissed him back, but stopped quickly and moved out of his grip and before she could respond he said

“I know I am selfish and I shouldn’t have because you are in a relationship but I am feeling more than just friendship and I wanted just one kiss so I would not wonder for the rest of my life, what it would be like. It will not happen again, please don’t tell XY.”

She was so baffled, she didn’t know what to say…

So she send me her story, also telling me that she didn’t confess in her boyfriend. She said, she didn’t do anything to encourage him to kiss her nor did she realize that he’s got feelings for her.

Though, she admits it was a beautiful kiss, but she loves her partner.

Only thing she doesn’t know is whether to tell her partner or not.

Hm. That is a tricky situation because

a) she kissed him back. Her partner might ask, why she did kiss him back instead of stopping him in his tracks

b) it would cause a row between the three, because she kissed him back and both males are friends with each other as well and kissing another buddies woman is a no-go (we all know that)

c) if she doesn’t tell, she has to live with it.

If I was in her shoes, and I really love my partner, I wouldn’t tell him! Why causing a row? It was a meaningless kiss and if the other part wouldn’t have started it, it would have never happened. Why stirring something up? Do I have to make my partner feel bad or angry or even insecure about something I already have forgotten hours later because it was so irrelevant?

I did that once. I was 18 (I think) and as it happened, I kissed someone back, confessed in my boyfriend because I thought he should know. I told him it didn’t mean nothing to me (it didn’t) and what did I get in return?! Pure drama! Trust gone… though he said, he would forgive me. He didn’t! He let me know every time we went somewhere. He was so jealous it was pure madness him shouting at me even when another man only looked in my direction. In the end I just had to end it, I couldn’t take it anymore!

If she doesn’t want to hide even a “white-lie”, she might has to live with the consequences:

  • A real man fight (yeehaaaaa where is the popcorn, the coke and a chair?)
  • Accusations regarding why she kissed him back, of her causing it, of flirting with him…
  • Trust issues
  • Split

Do I want to give me the above mentioned when I am happy in my relationship? No I don’t and that is what I told her. But of course it is up to her.

How would you react if it would happen to you or your partner would confess something like that?

Franky

What if your partner cheats on you???

A few days ago, I have seen my doctor because I had/have some… hmmmm…. let’s say “ladies issues” in the south under department. So I was tested for stds and also asked if I was married or slept with anyone else but my husband.

Of course not! This begs the question, what if my husband was unfaithful? What if he had a weak and/or drunken moment and it just happened? Though I can’t imagine him doing such a cruel thing. But many women think or thought like that until it hit them.

What would you do? What if you are happy in your relationship and you think everything is running smooth and all of a sudden your doc phones to tell, you caught a nasty disease which you can only get via intercourse?

I think the effect of gasping would set in,

air, I can’t get enough air...

followed by anger…

where is my baseball bat???

If I was still single and I wouldn’t have children with my husband, I would pack my bags immediately. Probably I would want to know why, but I couldn’t forgive. To betray me like that. I wouldn’t even argue, I would just leave and I wouldn’t want him back. Ever!

BUT the thing is, I am married. I am a catholic married women. AND I believe in my religion. To say I pack my bags and leave would be me betraying my religion, plus my older children would loose another father and my little children a family life on top.

I couldn’t bare that.

Knowing I have to spend the rest of my life with someone who cheated on me, is not appealing at all. But once you did the commitment and signed the paper, you have to stay and make the best of the worse.

Could I ever forgive? I believe that takes quite some time. But I know I couldn’t forget it.

Would I cheat as well? What goes around comes around was never for me nor will it ever be.

I rather go with:

“One day fate will bite you in the arse!”

Do I worry about whether or not I get a bad phone call from my doc? No, I do not.

But still, religion aside. What would you do, when children are involved? Would you split up, throw a (long) good relationship away? Or would you do it like “in the old times”, repair and pull through it?

Franky

When you come home…

… and find a black cave!!!

I start to believe that my husband is suffering from paranoia!

In “his” room, aka our dining room, he closes the curtains the very second he comes home. Never mind whether there is beautiful sunshine out site or not.

According to him, no one needs to see the “messy room”. With messy he means toys lying around on the floor! And if someone would see his computer, they will break in and steal it.

Okay, a bit of over reacting here if you ask me.

However. When Cash and Cailleach got back from a quick walk to the shops, I found this:

At least it felt like it

All spooky and dark and I wonder, WHY??? The kitchen was dark, the hall was dark and of course the dining room as well.

It is really getting on my nerves. I opened all curtains in the morning, I mustn’t do that several times a day! If I would see a house in bright day light with shut curtains, I would presume no one is at home. And if I was a thief I would use the opportunity to get me some nice goodies!

Maybe he secretly thinks, he is a bat and is only happy in a dark environment? Yes that must be it! But then again, a bat is black and fury… last time I saw my husband he was bold!

Well let’s hope next week during the holidays he forgets about his bat-cave attitude, otherwise I can already see me counting the hours until he returns back to work!

Franky

Darling, I am ill AND…

…no, I can’t put up with our teenage-daughter and her attitude. We all know she is a lazy cow, takes us for granted and taking instead of the little finger the whole arm!!!

…no, I can’t show you where the specific food you asked for is! It is in the food cupboard along with his food buddies… Just open your eyes, you are wearing glasses after all!

…no, I can’t cook, I can’t be bothered, my head is hurting. You will be able to fix something without getting food poisoning!

…no, I can’t tidy up and I am well aware that the house is a tip, covered in snotty tissues, welcoming a germ-party!

…no, I can’t and don’t want to do a single thing until I am recovered. All I want to do is to lie around… on the sofa or in my bed, coughing my lungs out, making a mess with  big white fluffy clouds of tissues!

But thank you for tidying up. Look, you did such a good job, maybe you could keep that up for rest of our days? That would be greatly and well appreciated!

Franky

 

When your husband drives you mental

Nobody has the perfect husband, the perfect wife, partner or friend and that is absolutely fine, because in the end little imperfections are lovely, aren’t they?

AREN’T THEY I’VE ASKED YOU?!?

MY HUSBAND drives me mental, especially in winter or when he thinks it is cold in the house.

We get along very well, really we do. We rarely argue and if we do, we sort things out by the end of the day.

I can also live with the fact, that when he gets up in the morning after he snoozed the clock several times and has been told by me to get up a 100 times, I can follow his every step. But what really really drives me mental and makes me angry is the following:

He turns the radiators on. In almost every single room of the house! Even in the toilet! IN THE TOILET!!! AND when I open all curtains in the house, a few minutes later he starts to shut them again, because he thinks it is still too early or too late to have them open! The same goes for windows. I open them, he shuts them again. Maybe he is just a bit paranoid?

If he could, he would live like  a bat in a cave. No windows, no air circulation, no light, but somehow a roaring fire!

Never mind to say, that it is getting pretty much on my nerves when he is on leave. Not that I don’t enjoy his company, I do! But when he is at home, I have to fight for my right not to be suffocated due to lack of air and also vitamin d since no sunshine comes through the closed curtains!!!

I know it could be worse, he could beat me (yeah that would be a nice try. Don’t get me wrong, he might be strong, but I on the other hand, am like one of those little tiny dogs who when they attack, they don’t ever let go), spend all our money, cheat or didn’t care about our children…

But still, sometimes when I sweat to death again here at home, searching for a torch, it would be nice if he could be at least a bit more perfect…

or that the radiators break down- all at once!!!

Franky

Can men and women be “just friends”???

It is 7:13pm. I am sitting in my cognac coloured Chesterfield chair, wearing my grey pyjama. I lathered honey on my face because since I live in the UK, I get spotty from the chlorine in the tapwater.

And while I sit here cross leged I wonder, can women and men be just friends?

Everything inside me wants to scream YES they can! And not only because one party might be gay.

Since I was a little girl, I was always better with boys than with girls. Boys where so much more fun to be around, they didn´t get upset about bad or nasty jokes, you could punch them without them being upset and you could be rough without them crying like a little baby! No offence girls, but you must admit, we can be a bit touchy!!!

I believe the reasons why men like to be friends with me is, that I am a bit like them. I can laugh about me, I´ve got a huge ego (gosh, I am so hot, I could burn myself, GRIN), but I don´t flatter myself over my look, and most importantly, I don´t judge a book by it´s cover.

I have to admit, I love to be around men! Purely because I mustn´t watch my mouth, I can speak what I think. And the opposite sex surely feels the same way.

So I thought at least! But life taught me better. I was friends with a really nice man for 13 years! But after 13 years, he led me down on my birthday, he didn´t even phone. I found out he had a crush on me for a while but he knew he didn´t have a chance because to me, he was like a brother! I loved him, really! Just not the way he wanted or expected me to. I still miss him every now and then.

On my 18th birthday in a club I met a cute guy. Well I was very drunk. All my girlfriends said to me “look at him, are you serious???” They just couldn´t get it. A week later I met him again, and boy believe me when I say my friends where right, what did I think??? I only recognised him because of his short hight. But it wasn´t his looks, it was his personality. Don´t get me wrong, he was a sweet person, just not for me! So I told him, that I made a mistake and that I don´t feel a  connection. So we just stayed friends.

At least so I thought (again)! After over 10 years of friendship he also led me down. When I called him he was always preoccupied with other things and didn´t pay much attention. I tried to talk to him about it…… He always said, he would never find someone as good- looking and great as me… In the end he tried to get away from me by ignoring my emails and phonecalls. Maybe it was his attempt to forget me. Nowadays I think it was the right thing for him to do, to cut all strings if you want to move forward, but back then it just hurt to lose another dear friend.

And once I made the mistake to sleep with a good friend of mine. We got together, though I´ve told him, we shouldn´t as I wasn´t ready and thought it was a silly one-off thing. But when you are young and get told, “you would hurt me even more, if you leave now without being my girlfriend”, specially when his father  has just died, what do you do?! Of course you stay with him just to hurt him even more two years later by telling him, that it is over! We are still in contact over Facebook every now and then but he insists until this day, that I have hurt him the most of all persons!

And even “friends” tried to kiss me at some point.

Awww it is a pain in the …! Unfortunately I must say,

NO! Men and women can´t just be friends!!!

I bet, one of you will say, yes it is possible, I have a dear friend since Anno… but believe you me when I say, one day that person wants to be more than just a friend. BIG SIGH.

Franky

A gorgeous hunk (of a man)!

Many times I was told, that I´ve got a heart cold as steel when I dumped a boyfriend. When I realized that the crush I once had, was mistaken by just excitment and even that died, I knew I had to end things. So either I did it face to face or when my back then boyfriend lived too far away over the telephone.

Of course I shuddered by the thought of ending things- again. But I just said it like it was:

Hello, I want to end things because I am not in love with you.”

And once it was out I felt really good, relieved that it was over and that person out of my life.  Only one time I felt really sorry and thought maybe it is easier not to contact, phone or see him so he would get the hint. But noooo, one day he just showed up on my doorstep all loved up. With his clothes for a whole weekend (he lived one hour away) and I thought “oh great what does he want? That is Mr. Stupidity in person!” But still feeling sorry (for the first and last time in my life) I let him, my annoyance was written all over my face and I questioned him “what do you want here? Actually I had plans. And what is that for a big disgusting spot on your face?!”

No kiss or anything for the entire weekend and he still didn´t get the hint. After a week he phoned me to ask if anything was okay (bing, finally) and I said it like it is:

“Actually I thought you would get the hint, but since you don´t I wanted to tell you that I am dumping you.”

He took it like a real man, what he didn´t take like a real man was my request not to phone me ever again, because we broke up and I didn´t even want to be friends with him anymore. I think he phoned me three more times until he gave up…

My mother says I am a cold fish, only because it happens that sometimes I forget birthdays. My mothers and fathers. Yes, that happens, so what? They have forgotten some of my birthdays as well but the world is still moving. But apparently the fact that they have forgotten mine is something different! Do I make a fuss, no, because I don´t care!

I do have one dear friend who had to get used to me at first, though we get along very well and have a lot in common, but the way I am, the way I tell/say thinks, so blunt, sometimes she was taken aback but also told me straight away. Of course I have told her, that my intention wasn´t to hurt her feelings and that she shouldn´t take offence and thinks I say personal.

I am the kind of person who teaches her children not to start a fight because that is very wrong. People who start a fight can´t articulate. BUT if they get hit by someone, they have to fight back as fast and strong they can and also that they shouldn´t be scared. Yes, maybe they receive a good (or bad) batter, but the other person will think twice before trying it again! I should know, the man or rather the boy back then inside me was involved in some fights during my school years. Yes, maybe I´ve risked a big lip every now and then, but I never started a fight, that was just to defend me and my dignity!!!

I am also the kind of person who just leaves the house without leaving a note and come back whenever I please. I don´t even think about to take my mobile. Happens.

To be honest, I am glad I am a woman. I am certain I would be an awful man! I mean, my ego is already so huge, it doesn´t fit through any door!

If I was a man for a week ( a day would not be enough), I would look incredible hot. Tall, bald, well-built, green eyes, full lips and tattooed from head to toe. I would be one of the bad guys, a hard bastard. I wouldn´t settle until at least mid 40 and would have (protected) fun with a lot of women. I would have drinks (ooooh nice whisky) with my mates in clubs at weekends and end up with a girl (or two?), having hot rough sex the whole night and once I am finished, I would dismiss her, roll around and fall asleep (just like I do it with my husband!!! ooops did I really just admit that?!)

Of course I would be succesful in my job! Ruthless I would rule my company, take what I want and command my staff but as long they do excellent they would get well paid!

But I am just a good-looking woman with a huge ego who is a bid narcissistic with  a hot bad ass husband who leaves the bad ass attitude outside the house and I am doing just fine!

Franky