Category: Love

Lost Love

You left me shivering out in the cold

Was that not enough?

You gave me fever when you kissed me

But you shut me out of your world

Was that not enough?

So many words left unspoken

Why does it hurt so much?

Sadness embraced us taking us down

Was that not enough?

You are gone, left me broken

Was that not enough?

Searching for my heart I am tired I wish to give up

Now, now that is enough!

My sweetheart

My sweetheart

Only a few streets away

My heart was always with you

My sweetheart

We fought and we loved

You came always back to me

My sweetheart

Your beauty was stunning, your heart was mine and mine was yours

Our love so big so pure

But you left

My heart has been waiting for my sweetheart so long so long

But life goes on and it goes on and on

Are you not over it?!?

Two days ago I had an interesting conversation with my husband. It was in the morning, hubby was driving and I was babbling away of how proud I was, that I was already out for my morning run and did the todays poem assignment and mentioned that, for some reason I, am more into dark, sad and gloomy poems than funny ones. That funny ones are not really my thing. He asked if I was unhappy and I replied, that everything´s fine. To keep the conversation short, this is what he doesn´t understand:

Why do you bring up bad memories, are you not over them? Does it still hurt? Is there some unfinished business? Do you need to go through it again?

So I tried to make him understand the following:

A lot of bad things happened to me in the past. No physical abuse, but there was some soul damage which caused a lot of heartache and therefore a lot of drama.

Back then I dealt with it my way. I eventually got over it but I wasn´t able to talk about it. It still hurt somehow. I had to heal first and that took some time and it is true:

Time heals all wounds

So when I write or talk about not so nice things which happened in the past, it is not because I am not over it, or because I want to relive the pain. It is because I actually can talk about it, it doesn´t hurt anymore.

Maybe I am like one of my favourite singers B.B. King or Bobby Bland, I just live and feel the blues? Which isn´t a bad thing at all. When I got hurt, at first it seemed the whole world would end, than that everyone is against me. I´ve asked myself a lot of questions and eventually got angry just to find the answer:

If you get hurt by someone (on purpose), that person is just not worth it, not worth your time,not worth your tears, not worth your friendship or love because that very person don´t care about you!

And once I understood, I cut that person out of my life, no turning back! But believe me, those actions are not easy decisions . I tried to keep friendships and love alive as long as I could, but when you get the feeling that nothing is coming back from the other site, that you are the only one putting effort in, it might be better to let go and safe yourself. Because:

If you can´t love yourself, will you be able to love the people around you???

And every time I found answers to my heartache, I felt free and over it. That is why today I can talk about it.

Franky

First Love

This early morning I was woken by a weird dream I had. I dreamed of my first love. I dreamed that he asked me “if you where single, would you take me back?” and I replied “No, because I waited far to long for you to come back to me!” Then it turned out he was a vampire and tried to corpse everyone around me. I don´t know if he succeeded because I woke up!

What for a weird dream! We all had our first big  love we thought will ever last and to the ones who are still with their first love: CONGRATULATION! Really, I mean it from the bottom of my heard.

So let me tell you about MY first love:

I was sweet 13 and was standing during frist break in the school hall with my girlfriends talking. And than HE joined us, standing opposite me talking to the other girls but staring and smiling only at me. My heart was racing and I couldn´t get him out of my thoughts for the rest of the day. The following day I was all excited and hoped to see him again- I was in class 7 and he was in class 10, so back then he was 17.

The clock was ringing for the first break and in the hall I met him. He walked straight over to me asking me for a chat outsite. My heart was bumping in my throat, I was so nervous…

He was around 177cm, well-built, full lips (oh how soft his slips where), dark brown eyes, dark short hair and even his skin colour was a bit darker, (I so loved to touch his body); I loved his muscular arms! He was the boy every girl in our town wanted to be with but for some reason he wanted me. Me, the younger little slim girl with long brown hair and blue eyes…

This love back then was so big, I couldn´t be with him and didn´t know how to survive the day without him. We argued, split up and got back together a few times. He was always in my mind and for some reason it seemed, that he always knew where I was. But these feelings where so overwhelming, I could barely take it. Guess I was just to young. Or maybe it was not the right time.

We broke up and got back together for around 3 years until he left the town forever. Naive as I was, I believed he would come back to me! I believed that for a very very very long time! But he never came back and that broke me. It broke me so bad, that every time I met an actually nice man, I compared him to my ex. No one was good enough. I always thought, one day I will be Mrs. B., we would have children and be a happy family…

When my ex left, he took my heart with him, I was so afraid of love, that I built  a big wall around me and shut down. And when I finally realized that when I want to find true love, I have to give him up, I have to let him go. I said to myself, that if he would have really loved me as much I loved him, he would have come back for me. Sad thing is, I never ever told him once, I loved him.

Recently he tried to add me on Facebook. Without a single word. Stubborn as I am, I declined the request. I bet he smiled at that, thinking, she didn´t change!

Would I take him back if I was single? I honestly do not know. We are older now. We moved on. Who knows if we would have still things in common? When I looked at his profile picture though, I wouldn´t have recognized  him at all. He put a bit of weight on and for some reason reminded me of my father, hehehehehe… and who wants to date her daddy?!

He was my first love, we had good and bad times and I don´t regret anything. Back then it might have hurt to think about him, nowadays it just puts a little smile on my lips, it doesn´t hurt anymore because eventually I was ready for a (second) real love, but that is another story!

Franky

Where have you been Poem Assignment 5

I travel from west to east

From north to south

My search seems endless

Where have you gone, my love, where have you gone?

Exhausted I rest

I just can´t do it anymore

I am tired and hang my head

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up

A  smile on your face you ask

Where have you been my love, where have you been?

Two strangers drowning in tears engaging in a kiss so warm like the summer rain

Where have you been my love, where have you been?