My heart is so heavy
But the reason is ever so sweet
I carry you in it
The blue in your eyes became a storm
And the fierce fire that has burned within you
Is snuffed out by sheer madness
While your body is violently trembling like a leaf
Shaking from a lovers fading touch
Your flesh still burning
From the remaining bits of love
A distinct scent kisses your shoulder
And endless memories are pumping through your veins
The hollow reflection that stares back at you
From a sea of sadness
Tells you to keep on breathing
Gone is the ones so bright light
Replaced by never ending dark nightmares
Enveloping you like a cozy blanket
Though my eyes have seen it all
And my body felt it
I don’t know fear
….and God is forgiveness!
Sometimes when the time seems to get tougher and tougher and it feels like I am in free fall and there is nothing that could stop it….
I try to be very still. I go inside me and search for a miracle.
I try to hold onto my faith and talk to God and wait for an answer or a sign or even a miracle.
I hope that God hears me and has not forgotten about me because,
for once, I would like to go the easy way, I don’t want to see the rocky path, so hear me out, please, I’d like a miracle….
….. me being friends with exes:
My husband thinks, men and women can’t be friends and that it is weird and even worse to be friends with an ex as often one is not over the other or does develop feelings.
Well he’s got a valid point. But as for me, I could never fall in love with a close or best male friend and/or go back to an ex.
I personally think, when you split up, it wasn’t meant to be!
And falling in love with someone you know inside out is just not my thing.
I like being friends with some of my exes, just because (at least if you have been in a long-term relationship) I like the closeness. You know each other, you or at least I, know what the other person thinks and usually you feel comfortable.
But that is not love anymore, it is more like brother/sister love, you know what I mean? And I wonder “where is the harm?”
If you trust your partner, you don’t have anything to worry, and at least I am cocky enough to think:
I am the best someone can get, once you have me, you don’t let go!
So yes, my husband may dislike me being friends with exes and blokes, but I quite enjoy it and therefor do not believe in changing my ways! Thanks!
A couple of days ago my husband got quite frustrated with me. We where kind of arguing and he said something like
“why can’t I get through these walls?”
I heard this before. At some point, people get annoyed, angry or frustrated and say thinks like
“You just shut down”…..”why can’t I get through to you?”…. “your walls are so thick there is no way to break through”….
Sigh…. yes, I know that. But there is a reason for that!
Why do we built walls? Walls are there to protect.
And I am my own person!
I never wanted to get married, or maybe back then I have given up the hope of ever getting married because I just didn’t find love, real love, not just a “crush”.
When I met my husband and new I will spend the rest of my life with him, I have given up a lot.
I have given up my wild days…. given up to go on dates (well, you should do that if you are in a mutual monogamous relationship), given up to just book the next flight to see your bestie, given up to go out with friends and come home whenever you please…
And that is okay! Really!
What I did not sign up for is the “we”-part! I do not want, never was in the past and never will dissolve in a
“we don’t agree”, “we had so much fun at yours”, “we will think about it”, “did you like the pictures we posted (of course on his Facebook page as well!!!)?” –
sort of person.
I have my own mind, my own thoughts and the walls, the last remaining piece of me, is my sanctuary! The place no one ever will be aloud to enter!
I just need this. I don’t want to share this as well, that is a piece of me, who makes me, me. And I have to protect these walls!
I think everyone who is in a long-term relationship or simply likes some kind of self-protection knows what I am talking about.
We just don’t want to get hurt and/or to disappear. We want to remain true because we are proud of the person who stares back at you in the mirror!
If you are comfortable with it, let your guard down, but keep a remaining bit of wall just to yourself, no matter what others might say!
Speaking Out on the Unspeakable
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