Once in a lifetime I
Am not allowed to be selfish because
Your luck is that matters
….and God is forgiveness!
Sometimes when the time seems to get tougher and tougher and it feels like I am in free fall and there is nothing that could stop it….
I try to be very still. I go inside me and search for a miracle.
I try to hold onto my faith and talk to God and wait for an answer or a sign or even a miracle.
I hope that God hears me and has not forgotten about me because,
for once, I would like to go the easy way, I don’t want to see the rocky path, so hear me out, please, I’d like a miracle….
….. me being friends with exes:
My husband thinks, men and women can’t be friends and that it is weird and even worse to be friends with an ex as often one is not over the other or does develop feelings.
Well he’s got a valid point. But as for me, I could never fall in love with a close or best male friend and/or go back to an ex.
I personally think, when you split up, it wasn’t meant to be!
And falling in love with someone you know inside out is just not my thing.
I like being friends with some of my exes, just because (at least if you have been in a long-term relationship) I like the closeness. You know each other, you or at least I, know what the other person thinks and usually you feel comfortable.
But that is not love anymore, it is more like brother/sister love, you know what I mean? And I wonder “where is the harm?”
If you trust your partner, you don’t have anything to worry, and at least I am cocky enough to think:
I am the best someone can get, once you have me, you don’t let go!
So yes, my husband may dislike me being friends with exes and blokes, but I quite enjoy it and therefor do not believe in changing my ways! Thanks!
A couple of days ago my husband got quite frustrated with me. We where kind of arguing and he said something like
“why can’t I get through these walls?”
I heard this before. At some point, people get annoyed, angry or frustrated and say thinks like
“You just shut down”…..”why can’t I get through to you?”…. “your walls are so thick there is no way to break through”….
Sigh…. yes, I know that. But there is a reason for that!
Why do we built walls? Walls are there to protect.
And I am my own person!
I never wanted to get married, or maybe back then I have given up the hope of ever getting married because I just didn’t find love, real love, not just a “crush”.
When I met my husband and new I will spend the rest of my life with him, I have given up a lot.
I have given up my wild days…. given up to go on dates (well, you should do that if you are in a mutual monogamous relationship), given up to just book the next flight to see your bestie, given up to go out with friends and come home whenever you please…
And that is okay! Really!
What I did not sign up for is the “we”-part! I do not want, never was in the past and never will dissolve in a
“we don’t agree”, “we had so much fun at yours”, “we will think about it”, “did you like the pictures we posted (of course on his Facebook page as well!!!)?” –
sort of person.
I have my own mind, my own thoughts and the walls, the last remaining piece of me, is my sanctuary! The place no one ever will be aloud to enter!
I just need this. I don’t want to share this as well, that is a piece of me, who makes me, me. And I have to protect these walls!
I think everyone who is in a long-term relationship or simply likes some kind of self-protection knows what I am talking about.
We just don’t want to get hurt and/or to disappear. We want to remain true because we are proud of the person who stares back at you in the mirror!
If you are comfortable with it, let your guard down, but keep a remaining bit of wall just to yourself, no matter what others might say!
I was and probably will always be your favourite and that makes me smile as it makes me feel special. I have seen it in your eyes and heard it in your warm voice. It was your giggles I loved the most.
I can’t remember what you smelled like but the cloud of softness when you hugged me is still present.
You where there for me when no one else was. You put me straight and told me what was needed. You where and still are worried about me.
You are “old and tired” you once said and I replied, “but I will need you forever, I don’t have anyone else but you”.
I have seen the sadness in your eyes when you looked at me, the lost child with the brave smile.
I miss being with you in the lively kitchen, miss our long conversations on the phone. I hear your voice, I hear your giggles, it is right there but I wished it was right next to me.
I know I have to let you go. But I am not ready. I would like to tell you, “it is okay. You can leave. I am able to stand on my own feed”.
But my heart is too heavy in my chest.
I am sorry, so sorry but I can not let go…
I am following an interesting blog of a women who is currently dating but she hasn’t found Mr. Right yet.
For some reason early in her relationships their are situations which makes being together rather difficult than relaxing. In the end they call it off…. or they try it a bit later again, just to realize it really doesn’t work.
Often I would like to tell her, that she should move on, that he seems just not really interested in her, but you know what? If you don’t realize it yourself, it doesn’t matter what someone else says!
I have seen this all before! In my own previous relationships. Sometimes when something got difficult, like a very jealous boyfriend who just couldn’t bring himself to trust me, I just left…. sometimes I was so stupid to stay and work it out…. and work it out….. and work it out….. in the end my brain started to function again after all the “hard work” and I left because there was no working out.
Now I wonder why
I people try to work things out early on? Why wasting precious time trying to make it work. There are signs! Why not open your eyes and listen to what is going on!
A relationship shouldn’t be difficult. At least not early in a relationship. It should be all lovey-dovey, it should just feel right and if it doesn’t feel right, why wasting time? Why not move on to someone who fits us better?
Sure, when time goes by, you can always hit a rocky path, but this is the rocky path you walked together. And that is the point:
If it fits, you choose the path together and walk in one direction. If it gets rocky, you help one another.
If you meet someone, dating someone and it turns out you walk in opposite directions, save yourself heartache, leave before it starts to hurt!
Tell yourself, “it’s not meant to be! Someone better will wait around the corner!”