Category: Husbands

Orkney or Cork???

Last week I applied for at least 3 vacancies on beautiful Orkney island, mainland.

Yes I know, we just bought a house and I was lucky enough to finally find a job near where I live now….

If there wasn’t a BUT!

But, two things:

  1. There is not much more to achieve for me… I think… on the other hand, I could stick it out until another position as retreat manager or similar will open internally…. But I don’t think I want to work for the rest of my life in a retreat, managing a café and checking guests in and out… Don’t get me wrong, the location, my colleagues and the guests are all lovely…but:
  2. The wage I earn is not enough to provide for my family in case my husband would lose his job or even worse.

And after all we wanted to go Orkney anyway. No, let me rephrase that: I wanted us to go to Orkney! So here is me thinking, searching desperately for a job I love, where I can achieve more skills and where I finally finally settle, happy as Larry!

But it feels as if nobody wants to give me a chance. I apply for jobs but get one rejection after the other and it is very difficult to remain in my Franky-Everything-Will-Be-Alright-Bubble!

My husband says, all you need is the one person who believes in you and gives you a chance to prove yourself! Well it would be nice if that person would turn up!

And now another bomb which could change everything again:

My husband told me yesterday evening all nonchalantly that he applied for some vacancies in, and now here it comes, Ireland! Yes, Ireland!

How exciting is that???

So it might be my husband who moves away for a better job and not me.

However, I will keep you updated!

Franky

Appreciation

I came to realize that I did not appreciate many precious moments I experienced!

When my teenagers where little, all I wished for was them to grow up a bit faster to be more independent.

I felt tired all the time, and every day was just a rush. Rushing to kindergarten, rushing to school, rushing to work…

And before I knew it, my babies turned into teenagers… literally in a blink of an eye and what did I do? I did it again:

When I clashed, as so many times, with my teenage daughter, I wished for her to be older so that she could move out and live her own life.

That is an awful thing to do!

I should have tried to spend more time with them, should have cuddled them more and told them, how much I loved them, I should have surprised them more often with little things or picnics. I should have done that every single day until now and every day coming!

If we are lucky, children live at home for 18, maybe 22… or even 25 years and compared to a (hopefully) long life, that is nothing! Nothing!!! It is such a short time you get to spend with them.

If you are lucky, they love you enough to phone and visit you on a regular basis. And if you are really, really lucky, they even live close by, so that you also get to see your grand-babies!!!

SIGH…. big SIGH….

When I was not working because the children where too little, all I did was complaining because I didn’t get to go out of the house. Complaining how bored and isolated I felt.

Instead I should have been happy about the fact, that I am actually be able to spend so much time with my children, get to sleep more and do what ever I want.

And I know I should show my husband more affection. I know I should miss him when he is away because one day, he might not be around anymore and I might regret my (non-) actions.

In this case it is not funny how my perception has worked out for me. No, it is rather sad.

But this is life and life never goes the way we want it to.

Guess, I keep on trying, trying to be the best mom and wife I can be. Trying to make it better and trying to make the best of life.

Franky

Undisturbed Sleep

I am certain I said it in a previous post, but I say it again:

I am sleep deprived!!! Which is very exhausting. Every morning, even when I get to go to bed at 8pm, I have to force myself out of bed!

Not because I am a I-love-to-sleep-in sort of type, no, because I get easily disturbed!

Have you watched the movie “Trainwreck”? The scene when Amy Schumer stays over at the doctors?

THAT is so me!

My husband claims he can’t fall asleep when he can’t touch me, so he often puts at least one foot on my leg (where I often wonder, how is it he says he can’t fall asleep without touching  me, when he is wearing socks in bed?!? He can’t really feel anything anyway!).

When he does so, I am wide awake, eyes like saucers, waiting for him to fall asleep and when he finally does, I either move his leg over (but that only works when he is already snoring), or I move to the edge of the bed.

It all started when I was a little baby. I would not fall asleep on the arm or in the same bed as my parents, they had to put me in my own cot! So when they put me down, I fell asleep without whinging and that lasted for at least 10 hours!

My parents where so spoiled (at least as long I was an innocent, helpless baby), they often had to check if I was still alive and wake me up!!!

As long I was in my own bed, nothing could wake me up. I had a very deep sleep. Early to bed and early back up throughout my teens and into adulthood.

At least as long I was single!

When I was in a relationship, my sleep got disturbed by unruly, other, not to me belonging body parts!

Sure when you are still in your “honeymoon-phase”, it feels cosy and you want to touch your new man’s/woman’s body constantly, but when it comes to MY sleep, it is no fun!

So what did I do?! I pretended to be all loved up and comfy, just to wait for the guy to fall asleep so I could roll over to my side (at least if the bed was big enough) to get at least a bit of sleep myself.

I am sorry, but I just can’t do it! Never could, never will!

I don’t want to get breathed at and I don’t want to have way to warm body parts slung over me.

I need my sleep! Sleep is important! I don’t get much as it is!

So dear God, do you hear me? If so, can you send someone down at nighttime who could prevent hubby from sneaking up on me? Hm…. I can’t quite hear you but presume you got my message and granted my wish!

Many thanks!

Franky

 

Why my beloved husband hates….

….. me being friends with exes:

My husband thinks, men and women can’t be friends and that it is weird and even worse to be friends with an ex as often one is not over the other or does develop feelings.

Well he’s got a valid point. But as for me, I could never fall in love with a close or best male friend and/or go back to an ex.

I personally think, when you split up, it wasn’t meant to be!

And falling in love with someone you know inside out is just not my thing.

However.

I like being friends with some of my exes, just because (at least if you have been in a long-term relationship) I like the closeness. You know each other, you or at least I, know what the other person thinks and usually you feel comfortable.

But that is not love anymore, it is more like brother/sister love, you know what I mean? And I wonder “where is the harm?”

If you trust your partner, you don’t have anything to worry, and at least I am cocky enough to think:

I am the best someone can get, once you have me, you don’t let go!

So yes, my husband may dislike me being friends with exes and blokes, but I quite enjoy it and therefor do not believe in changing my ways! Thanks!

Franky

I am not a”we”-person!!!

A couple of days ago my husband got quite frustrated with me. We where kind of arguing and he said something like

“why can’t I get through these walls?”

I heard this before. At some point, people get annoyed, angry or frustrated and say thinks like

“You just shut down”…..”why can’t I get through to you?”…. “your walls are so thick there is no way to break through”….

Sigh…. yes, I know that. But there is a reason for that!

Why do we built walls? Walls are there to protect.

And I am my own person!

I never wanted to get married, or maybe back then I have given up the hope of ever getting married because I just didn’t find love, real love, not just a “crush”.

When I met my husband and new I will spend the rest of my life with him, I have given up a lot.

I have given up my wild days…. given up to go on dates (well, you should do that if you are in a mutual monogamous  relationship), given up to just book the next flight to see your bestie, given up to go out with friends and come home whenever you please…

And that is okay! Really!

What I did not sign up for is the “we”-part! I do not want, never was in the past and never will dissolve in a

“we don’t agree”, “we had so much fun at yours”, “we will think about it”, “did you like the pictures we posted (of course on his Facebook page as well!!!)?” –

sort of person.

I have my own mind, my own thoughts and the walls, the last remaining piece of me, is my sanctuary! The place no one ever will be aloud to enter!

I just need this. I don’t want to share this as well, that is a piece of me, who makes me, me. And I have to protect these walls!

I think everyone who is in a long-term relationship or simply likes some kind of self-protection knows what I am talking about.

We just don’t want to get hurt and/or to disappear. We want to remain true  because we are proud of the person who stares back at you in the mirror!

If you are comfortable with it, let your guard down, but keep a remaining bit of wall just to yourself, no matter what others might say!

Franky

Funny dirty talk while running

While running through the woods today, my husband asked

“Would you like some sex?”

“No!”, I replied.

“I could beat you with my huge one”, he went on.

“Why? Do you want to knock me out with it?”, I asked…

Good to know we are still silly with each other after 6 years of being together!

Franky