Category: Huge Ego

Why Do Men Assume…

…that a woman has had an affair when she ends her relationship???

Darling ex told his dad, that we have separated and his instant response was “she is having an affair!”

When I told my ex back then, that I quit, he asked me the same thing!

No! I did not have an affair or ended my marriage because of another man!

So I wonder, why do men do that? Why assume another bloke has something to do with a break up?

Why not do the adult thing and seriously ask yourself what really went wrong? Ever thought that the problem lies between the couple???

Just saying

Franky

Dating Advice For The Ex

It is really funny how my life turned out. I didn’t see myself separating after 10 years of marriage, doing the conscious uncoupling thing and lastly giving my ex dating advice.

Darling ex was married twice before he met me, so really he was never alone and always in longterm relationships. Which means he has no clue when it comes to dating.

How to be flirty? What to say? What not to say? What is appropriate? When to ask to exchange numbers? When to initiate the first date?

So many questions…. the list goes on and on.

However, darling ex told me the other day, he is talking to a lady. At some point he messaged her something he shouldn’t have. So to rescue him from being dumped before it even begins, I told him how to save his backside.

Gentlemen, let me tell what women would want to hear. At least from my point of view:

Be straight with them! Honesty is the best medicine as women are sneaky detectives. If they want to find something out, they will and if they don’t like it, aaaaaall hell will break lose!

Also, tell them what you want from a relationship, but only the important basics. We don’t want to know your whole story!

And if you are just out of a relationship, but still friends with your ex for whatever reasons, let her know and ask her how she feels about it. If she is uncomfortable, ask her what she would suggest! But even if she says, that she is fine with it, never ever tell her you asked your ex for advice! Oh boy she will be so offended, she might not kill you right away, but you will never going to live that one down!

Never, ever slag down your ex- even if she deserves it. If a potential new partner asks what went wrong, begin with “this is my point of view and there are always two sides to a story… she might see it completely differently and I don’t want her to look bad as she is not here to defend herself…” That will give you lots of brownie points! Take my word for it! Plus it is a decent and very adult thing to do!

Don’t try too hard. If she doesn’t reply straight away, she might be busy. You, are not the centre of her world and that is okay- live with it!

Do not try to get into her knickers on the first date, unless she specifically says so! She might be the one, so plenty of time to rip of those panties!

If you think you can impress her with your bank account, think twice if you really want such a shallow person as your partner! A woman who genuinely likes you, doesn’t care about money, a sparkling car or a posh mention!

And when after all the above you really made it to first base, don’t eat her face off and fish for the remaining last dinner! A nice, slow kiss with soft lips and a little bit of tongue action is what women want! So get the lip scrub out and prepare!

And now the most important thing:

Be yourself and make her laugh! If you can make her laugh without playing the fool, you did it!

So darling ex has the most important facts and now it is up to him to score. I don’t mind helping him out as I want him to be happy.

Me? Well, I certainly didn’t look nor did I expect it, but someone special found me. I don’t want to talk about it just yet. Don’t want to jinx it. . . so stay tuned!

Franky

Penis Pictures

The other night. It is around 1am. My bestie sends me a text with a picture. A guy she met online month ago and was chatting with back then, send her a naked full on penis picture!

She then sends it to me, asking a pained “why?”. I tell her to ask him what you are supposed to do with it, so she did. The guy’s answer: “Oh it wasn’t meant to be for you”.

Yes, riiiiight. Wenn a woman shows no signs of interest, it wasn’t meant to be for her.

To be honest, I wasn’t impressed either! If I was him, I would have chosen a nicer and more important, tidier background. Also after closer inspection of his, what he thinks, best part, I must say his penis looks like a long branch with dips down somewhere in the middle despite the fact that “it” was erect!

My bestie told me it happens often that she is talking to guys she meets online, everything is nice and bam, out of the blue she gets hit with a cock picture!

And I wonder:

Why do men do that? Do they really think, that is the right way to charm themselves into a woman knickers???

Or are they aware of the fact that their intellect is that low that they have to compensate with a penis picture? I mean it is a totally different thing when you are in a relationship. I’d like to believe we all send some naughty pictures somewhen in the past. I certainly did, would never ever if it wasn’t my man!

Also:

If my bestie gets those pictures on a regular basis, does she save them in a folder and if so, does she plan on creating a collage and publish it online with the caption “How Not To Get A Woman!”?

I shall ask her.

Franky

The Reason My Marriage Failed

Some of you might have read in a previous post, that I ended my marriage for good. The biggest problem my husband had… wait a bit… my husband doesn’t seem to be appropriate anymore. What shall I refer him to? Ex husband? Ex? Darling ex? I think I will refer to him as darling ex, as we are still on good terms and don’t hate each other! Okay, now back to the actual topic:

What darling ex couldn’t live with, was me being quite flirty. I told him over and over again, that flirting to me is nothing but hot air and banter between two people. I even flirt with women without thinking anything sexual, it is just fun. Let me give you an example:

The other day I walked up to a colleague. He said: What do you want? I replied: Nothing but your hot body, but a big pack of toilet paper will do for now! He: And here I am thinking you want me, but toilet paper seems more important. Me: Well, you can’t have everything!

See? Just two people having a giggle!

And come on, this is Scotland, this is the UK! This is the land of charming gentlemen and women of all ages and sizes!

But I think, I wasn’t the main reason for jealousy here. It was rather the fact that he was cheated on before he met me. I know things like that sting, but only because you got mistreated before, doesn’t mean, that the next person is the same. Or that the cheating person cheats again. It just wasn’t meant to be, the paring was not right.

If I was really into each and every person I have flirted with, I would be more famous than Giacomo Casanova!!! Maybe I should make my flirtations a reputable business! I would be a millionaire by the end of the year! Ha, what am I thinking?! A multi millionaire! And when I really like someone, like I-Want-To-Get-Into-Your-Boxers-Like, believe me, I make that very clear! There are no doubts about this!

There where other little things, like me being extremely spontaneous, me leaving the house without notice, and me not wanting to change my ways. Probably a 1000 other annoying things, who counts?!

What I couldn’t live with anymore was him, and that is how I perceived him even though he doesn’t, was that he was extremely controlling and jealous. He would log into my accounts like facebook, WhatsApp and I don’t know what else, snooping around, contacting people and threatening them, followed by interrogating me, what I am doing, who I am with, who I am talking to on the phone, who I am texting with, why I am not home from work, yet. That was, when he was triggered or felt threatened by someone.

The next thing from my perspective of view was, that he would come up with things, we already discussed, things that are in the past. Over and over again. Like a broken record. Or that he would talk forever to “sort things out”. I am not a person who likes to talk about her feelings. Just.Don’t.Do.It! I also might be one of the view women who when talked about something that bothers me, I will not bring it up again. I am like Dory- 2 seconds later I have forgotten all about it. And I hate to repeat myself. So why do it over and over again?! I didn’t have any new answers!

Yeah, we both promised to change. But we all know that people don’t change. Not really. Something, somewhen will come up, a trigger and bam, here we go again.

And though I might end up alone and dead one day, maybe even eaten by my desperate, starving cats (who of course will feel awful feasting on me) because no-one checked on me, ending it was the right decision.

In the end I felt like I have to censor my every move, everything I said. And this is so not me. Everyone who knows me, knows I always speak my mind. Now I feel much better. The pressure of trying to be a wife is gone, some weight is lifted off my shoulders. And anyway:

We are still young and hell, we are good looking! Someone will take pity on us and/or crazy enough to put up with all our beautiful flaws!

Franky

Scottish Country Roads

Let me tell you something about Scottish country roads:

Our roads are cute, cozy, narrow roads. Everyone who lives in Scotland knows that. We, who live here, know that when it is wet, you just slow down a bit. Same applies when you take a road you are not that familiar with. If another car comes from the opposite direction, we also slow down a bit. If a big truck squeezes itself through. We just stop, because, yes you guessed it, we are pooooliiiite!

Now, it is summer time. It is tourist time. Most tourists come from down south. That’s great! We love to have you up here. And hopefully the following does not offend you but let me tell you something very important:

When you come up and you are not used to our cute, cozy, narrow roads, just slow down a bit. A BIT, I said. Not 20+ miles beyond the tempo limit!!! And if you can’t get your teeth out of your steering wheel because you are about to wee yourself, pull over and let us, who know the roads, pass by! Don’t be a hindrance, that would be great.

Also: Under no circumstance, I repeat: Under no circumstance should you gesticulate to someone to move over, when you are already on their side of the road! Oh no, do not do that!  You might think you do, but in fact, you do not drive a tank!!!

Oh, nearly forgot: You also don’t have to break every single time just because you hit a corner. I am sure you foot is not glued to the pedal, so just take if off for a few seconds (works wonders) The constant flashing of your break lights is like teasing a bull! And we don’t want that, right?!

Thanks for listening. Much appreciated!

Franky

Women’s Business Clothes

Today I was reading one of my 5 gossip magazines. Yes, occasionally… okay let me rephrase that: Once per month I feel the need to buy a couple of magazines (Cosmopolitan is a monthly must-have) to read about gossip, get the latest info about exercise and gadgets and health and look at eye watering expansive clothes I probably never be able to afford!

There you go!

So back to what I wanted to write about in the first place:

In “Grazia” was an Artikel about women’s business clothes from a lady which name I can’t remember. She is high in finance business but her wardrobe….. well…. how to put it to not offend the good lady which I reckon is in her late 40s…. hmmmm…..

Dull? Boring? Frumpy? Probably all together!

Okay, she works in finance and you should look the part, but the way she wore the clothes made her at least 10 years older. I found it boring and am sure I am not the only one.

What would I give to see her in a Fred Perry dress, ha ha ha. Or in this beautiful pink long floaty Me&Em dress (I am waiting desperately for a reduction as I don’t want to cough up £350,- but it is so so pretty, you look like a big yummy candy).

No really! I think if we wouldn’t take us all so serious, even in such a demanding job, we would be more open minded when it comes to appearance.

There, said it all.

Franky

Being High Maintenance

Recently I came across a blog where the person found it offensive to be called

“High Maintenance”.

I freely admit that I am a high maintenance sort of woman. And why not? There is nothing wrong with that, if you ask me.

When you google high maintenance it will show you the following:

A high maintenance person will require a lot of attention, time, money and/or effort!

Of course a person like me requires a lot attention. The key here is the right kind of attention in a specific time frame. If I call you, and you must be special in order for me to do so, pick up- after the first ring, please! When I am about to meet you, do yourself a favour, hang on to your life and be on time!!! When I want to go for a run, do join me, it will be fun- at least for me and that is the most important thing, right?!

And yes, I do invest in my body first. I like to look nice! And you like it when I do, right?

I shave, plug, trim, exfoliate and pamper myself with the best tools and ingredients on the market. Why? Because I can! Because I want to!

And if you want to brighten my day, show up with a single flower (I prefer sunflowers), a bottle of whiskey and polished shoes. Thank you very much and yes, that is necessary!

You might not be able to give what I desire? “Heck, where there’s a way, there’s a will”, she says, pouting.

You want to stay in my life long-term? Darling the answer is as easy as breathing:

All I want for you is to reach for the brightest star on a clear night and serve it to me on a silver plate! I won’t settle for less! And once I got that star, there is no stopping me- I always aim for more. Of course I do!

What you get in return?!?

The best wicked person I can possibly be! Friend or foe- you will love me!

Franky

Influencer

So often we hear of influencer. People talk about them on the radio, tv shows, they are mentioned and even suggested in magazines.

And every time I wonder. Why do these people exist?

Do we really need others to suggest lifestyles? What to wear, what to eat, what to think?

Have we forgotten how to use our own brains? Do influencers really want copy cats?

We don’t need to look at other people to decide what for a person we wanna be.

You want to wear bogey green shorts with a peachy fluffy blouse and combat boots? Go for it!

You want to do things your own way and don’t want to budge from your opinion? I am all for it!

You want to get piss drunk for no good reason? I am coming right over!

Don’t let other people define you!

Don’t let them tell you how to live your life! The reins are yours alone, you lead the way!

Just be the best person you want to be! That is all that matters!

Franky

Me And My Commitment Issues

Usually, or often, it is us women who blame the men that they don’t want to commit, but here I am, still sitting in my stripy blue/white cotton short pyjamas, holding my hands up, admitting that I have commitment issues!

I might even go so far as to say, I am a commitment phobe!

When you think of commitment, you think (romantic) relationships. Well okay, let’s start there:

Before my husband, I have been in relationships. Some longer, some maybe just a couple of month, weeks even. At some point I either got bored ore annoyed or I cheated which meant I would walk out of the relationship anyway. However, at some point I was told, I don’t have a heart because I just didn’t want to fully commit to the relationship. What was the reasonable thing to do? I walked away. All I ever wanted was easy peasy relationships and if that didn’t work out, even after a (lame) attempt to fix it, I just quit. Someone once proposed to me. The way and the ring was all wrong but I went with it at first. But every time I looked at the ring it made me sweat, I felt physically ill even thinking about being married (to that guy). I just couldn’t do it! I didn’t want this!

And even now that I am (happily) married, I often find it hard to stay committed which has nothing to do with wanting other men or romantic feelings it has more to do with me just wanting to do what I want, when I want. But when you are married, and you have children and a house together, you can’t just walk away when something annoys you, you have to work it out which sometimes can drive one (me) mental. And of course there is the thing that I am a flirt which drives hubby to his ends wits. But hey I am what I am, just can’t help it.

Am I committed to my friends? Here I can give you a big fat YES! I am loyal to my friends and I know they know it! Though sometimes I fear because of the distance some of my friends could just befriend other nice people…. hahahaha who am I kidding here?! There is no better friend but me! Ts, the thought alone….

But except from friendships I can’t seem to commit to anything!

I can’t commit to a hairstyle or length. I think I had almost every haircut possible in my 40 years.

I also can’t commit to a style clothes wise. I wore everything from hippie, to punk, 50s 90s….But one thing I never do: I never go with the latest trend. The things you currently find in my cupboard is lots of Fred Perry, skirts and long floaty dresses. And cashmere cardigans and jumpers. No jeans! And only two Fred Perry chinos for terrible weather.

When it comes to jobs it is the same thing: I studied to become a legal secretary but after 3 years I got trained to become a piercer. Two years ago I studied to become a sports massage therapist. Do I still work as a therapist? Of course not! Past summer I went to Ireland for work. I left after 2 month because I didn’t like Dublin (sorry Dubliners). Now I work in hospitality again and the only thing me not leaving is because the drive is only 25 minutes! I received an invitation for a job interview (two days ago) as a typist in Edinburgh city centre. I did not reply… yet. It would be more money, but also far more travel time. I would need to get to the next train station as everyone who ever went to Edinburgh in morning rush hour does understand why I don’t want to drive. Awful. Just awful. I mean if I switch jobs again, my CV looks like I do nothing but job hopping… Decisions, decisions…

A place to live? I can’t even commit to that! Yes, we bought a house and the area is lovely. But I would love to go much further north west! I feel restless thinking about living here for the rest of my life! I thought it’s what I want, what I need. But once again, I am wrong. I love moving house, I love seeing new places.

I can’t even commit to my WordPress. Instead of writing and committing to one topic, I write about everything and nothing.

Maybe commitment in my case equals boredom. Or maybe the feeling that if I commit I am stuck and don’t move forward.

Life is full of exciting opportunities and I just don’t want to miss out on anything, I guess. Does it make me sad that I can’t commit? No! I like the way I am! I am full of life and want to take it all!

So I try to keep on running. I mean, flying! Flying sounds much nicer. Flying wherever the wind blows me!

Franky

Odd Commentary

Two days I received not one, but two odd commentary from two different people.

When I was sitting at the hair dresser’s, we were talking about my hairdresser’s life, what she did before and when we came to children, I told her I have 4.

“4!!! Children?! 4??? You are married? Really? I thought you are single the way you look….”

I know, (she said so herself) she meant it in a nice way, but I wonder:

Am I not marriage material because I am heavily tattooed? Don’t I look like the type who could be married? I found that really odd.

Forward hours later:

My sister phones me. We updated each other what happened in each others lives in the past week and so I told her all proud, that I finally got my throat tattooed. And so she says:

“You still get tattooed?!?” She sounded really surprised, maybe even a bit shocked.

Why wouldn’t I still get tattooed? Are only people under 40 are allowed to get tattooed? And/or people with less than 4 children? Unmarried single human beings? I don’t even look 40! Usually people would say I look 30!

Maybe it was just her overall stuck up opinion on how to live your life. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I wished I could see her on a daily basis, but we are two very different people so I don’t hold her odd comment against her… but it still made me wonder.

Franky