Category: friendship

The pain with donations and dissapointment!

As I mentioned in a post before, I wanted to do the

“Ben Nevis Winter Walk” and therefore had to raise funds for the “Willow” organization.

So far so good. I posted it here, posted it on Facebook send emails to my children’s schools for support and told my family as well.

The schools mentioned it in their school newsletter, which was really kind of them and also some here shared my link (big thank you!) but, and now it comes:

On my Facebook site it was shared only 3 times of family members! I have around 65 friends (including family) on my friend list which I personally know. BUT no one shared my link nor donated a few pennies to the charity site, not even my family and I must admit, I am a bit disappointed and also feel led down.

My expectation was that they would at least share the link. If someone would ask me for help, I would help!

Also I have to say I feel for the persons who support (successfully) and raise funds for charity events or charities in general as it it really hard work!  Walking from house to house, getting in touch with other people and companies to ask for help and their money is really difficult and exhausting and in my case disappointing and mentally I bow in front of them!

Also I had to cancel my Ben Nevis trip, because my husband has an army function which he has to attend that weekend, which means if I was away, we wouldn’t have a babysitter.

I didn’t want to cancel my trip no matter what, I even phoned my sister and my parents in Germany to ask them to come over but my sister wasn’t in the mood to travel again as she just has been here recently and my parents have an appointment as well…

But they won’t get the better of me! There are some half marathons next year I want to attend. Of course you have to pay a fee to sign up and even if no one ever want to donate for my fees or gears, that is fine with me (I know how tight money is nowadays). There are always ways and I am looking forward to the events.

Tomorrow I will start with daily runs. Usually I run every second day and I can run 6 – 8 miles easily. Well 8 miles when it is flat terrain without Cash in the buggy and 6 with an imaginary oxygen mask when it is hilly.

So no, I won’t hang my head! I didn’t get the expected support, so what?! It could be worse! It will not stop me, I keep on going!


Sonnet of life

A sonnet is a first  kiss

which you will forever remember

and always will miss

The sweet kiss so soft so innocent so warm upon your lips

A sonnet is a flower bouquet

It smells so deliciously of freedom of sunshine

Of honesty

It warms your friend’s heart and you she knows we will forever be

A sonnet is family

She is around you, she supports you

No matter how bad the agony

A sonnet is love

A love that pleasures us

In the darkest of hours and will ever last

Are you not over it?!?

Two days ago I had an interesting conversation with my husband. It was in the morning, hubby was driving and I was babbling away of how proud I was, that I was already out for my morning run and did the todays poem assignment and mentioned that, for some reason I, am more into dark, sad and gloomy poems than funny ones. That funny ones are not really my thing. He asked if I was unhappy and I replied, that everything´s fine. To keep the conversation short, this is what he doesn´t understand:

Why do you bring up bad memories, are you not over them? Does it still hurt? Is there some unfinished business? Do you need to go through it again?

So I tried to make him understand the following:

A lot of bad things happened to me in the past. No physical abuse, but there was some soul damage which caused a lot of heartache and therefore a lot of drama.

Back then I dealt with it my way. I eventually got over it but I wasn´t able to talk about it. It still hurt somehow. I had to heal first and that took some time and it is true:

Time heals all wounds

So when I write or talk about not so nice things which happened in the past, it is not because I am not over it, or because I want to relive the pain. It is because I actually can talk about it, it doesn´t hurt anymore.

Maybe I am like one of my favourite singers B.B. King or Bobby Bland, I just live and feel the blues? Which isn´t a bad thing at all. When I got hurt, at first it seemed the whole world would end, than that everyone is against me. I´ve asked myself a lot of questions and eventually got angry just to find the answer:

If you get hurt by someone (on purpose), that person is just not worth it, not worth your time,not worth your tears, not worth your friendship or love because that very person don´t care about you!

And once I understood, I cut that person out of my life, no turning back! But believe me, those actions are not easy decisions . I tried to keep friendships and love alive as long as I could, but when you get the feeling that nothing is coming back from the other site, that you are the only one putting effort in, it might be better to let go and safe yourself. Because:

If you can´t love yourself, will you be able to love the people around you???

And every time I found answers to my heartache, I felt free and over it. That is why today I can talk about it.