Category: friendship

What would you think?

My dear husband just read my last post

and claims, it reads like a dating ad!

Which of course I denied, because it isn’t. So the conversation goes on and he asks me, if I would be single looking for a man, would I change or add anything?

“No”, I said because I like to surround me with men who are like me. If I don’t have much in common with someone, there is not much of a connection and if you want to call someone your best friend, it is  (at least in my case) because you are very much alike!

So I wonder:

Is it wrong to seek the same attributes in a best friend???



The “Best Friend Ad”

Though it is almost 7 years  since my best friend and me “split-up”, I still miss him.

Or maybe it is the fact that I miss a best (male) friend in general. Maybe I should mention that I prefer male best friends over females, because lets face it ladies, most of us get offensive, take things personal or I don’t know what else by things we get to hear.

I am a little exception. I don’t take things and life too serious, I am easy going, speak my mind and believe that is why the opposite sex likes to hang out with me.


Recently I got asked by a runner I met a couple of month ago if we could run together as he got a bit lazy and knows that my husband and me run a lot. Or maybe he meant just my husband and just wanted to be polite not to say out loud that he doesn’t want to run with me as well. But let’s say, he meant us both.

So I got all excited, dreaming about a new best friend. Of course husband claims, there must be more to it and that I fancy him.

To get this straight:

Said runner has a girlfriend, I have a husband. So that would be a no-go!

But if I could place an ad it probably would say this:

Looking for a new best friend.

You should be:

  • Between 30 and 55 years of age.
  • Able to pay your own bills.
  • An active sports person, preferably a runner
  • Tattooed
  • Cultivated
  • Easy going and laid back attitude

You should have the same or similar interests like:

  • Reading
  • Like to go out and socialize
  • TV series and sitcoms
  • Love to spend time outdoors

You should not be:

  • A drunk
  • A smoker
  • Pitiful
  • Dishonest
  • Disrespectful/ Impolite

The look should be:

  • Slim/Well built figure
  • Casual laid back and original sense of style

I am not looking for any kind of romance! If you think you fulfill the requirements, send me an email with picture.

Phew, looks like quite some expansive ad.

Yeah, a new best friend would be more than nice, but if our “running-date” next week is just that, a running date and no further interpersonal  connection, then so be it.

But who knows maybe with a bit luck, I get/got myself a new buddy!



Do I have to invite the whole class???

My four year old daughter Cailleach got invited to a birthday party again. The 3rd one so far and every time I drop her off, the parties are in indoor playgrounds, pubs or other public rooms to rent.

Every time I get there it seems as if the whole school class is invited and I wonder:

Do parents have to invite the entire class out of politeness or do the birthday children really want them all to join?

Is this a British thing to invite everyone? Or did that just change over the years?

When Dean and Dana where young, in Germany you only got to invite the “real” friends, the buddies, not the whole class. Only who was good enough for their precious child got a very important invitation. Also parties where normally held at home, only if you could effort it, parties where held elsewhere than the own 4 walls!

Unfortunately my poor children back then got next to no invitations in the first kindergarten (and school) they went to because of their wildly tattooed mommy (sorry for that, *hem*). So when we moved house and also kindergarten, I made sure to cover myself the first few month until people got to know me. What a surprise, they even got invited! But like I said, never the whole bunch.

Or did I miss something?

Here parties are never longer than two hours, which I can now understand given the fact there are 10 – 20 screaming children, also it must be quite expansive! Do they safe up for those events? I would have to save non-stop for my four.

So tell me, how do you do it? Do you rob a bank? Threaten your partner to throw the best and biggest party ever for your little ones? Spill the beans- I am curious!


When your friend confesses in you

A few days ago a dear friend of mine send me an email. Because my friends all live overseas, we keep each other more or less up to date via email. Every now and then also via Whatsapp (voice-) messages.

However. I am reading her email about her life and so on and then all of a sudden she says, a friend of hers kissed her.

We have to dig a bit deeper here.

My friend is a beautiful intelligent lady who is in a long-term loving and happy relationship with a nice man. And the man who kissed her, was or still is just a good friend, or so she thought.

They where out in town at the weekend, preparing things for a party and on the way home they stopped in a park for a rest in the sun. So they put their shopping bags on a bench and before she knew what was going on he said

“I am sorry for doing this to you, but I just have to, even knowing this will be the only time…”

and then he took her face with both hands and kissed her! She kissed him back, but stopped quickly and moved out of his grip and before she could respond he said

“I know I am selfish and I shouldn’t have because you are in a relationship but I am feeling more than just friendship and I wanted just one kiss so I would not wonder for the rest of my life, what it would be like. It will not happen again, please don’t tell XY.”

She was so baffled, she didn’t know what to say…

So she send me her story, also telling me that she didn’t confess in her boyfriend. She said, she didn’t do anything to encourage him to kiss her nor did she realize that he’s got feelings for her.

Though, she admits it was a beautiful kiss, but she loves her partner.

Only thing she doesn’t know is whether to tell her partner or not.

Hm. That is a tricky situation because

a) she kissed him back. Her partner might ask, why she did kiss him back instead of stopping him in his tracks

b) it would cause a row between the three, because she kissed him back and both males are friends with each other as well and kissing another buddies woman is a no-go (we all know that)

c) if she doesn’t tell, she has to live with it.

If I was in her shoes, and I really love my partner, I wouldn’t tell him! Why causing a row? It was a meaningless kiss and if the other part wouldn’t have started it, it would have never happened. Why stirring something up? Do I have to make my partner feel bad or angry or even insecure about something I already have forgotten hours later because it was so irrelevant?

I did that once. I was 18 (I think) and as it happened, I kissed someone back, confessed in my boyfriend because I thought he should know. I told him it didn’t mean nothing to me (it didn’t) and what did I get in return?! Pure drama! Trust gone… though he said, he would forgive me. He didn’t! He let me know every time we went somewhere. He was so jealous it was pure madness him shouting at me even when another man only looked in my direction. In the end I just had to end it, I couldn’t take it anymore!

If she doesn’t want to hide even a “white-lie”, she might has to live with the consequences:

  • A real man fight (yeehaaaaa where is the popcorn, the coke and a chair?)
  • Accusations regarding why she kissed him back, of her causing it, of flirting with him…
  • Trust issues
  • Split

Do I want to give me the above mentioned when I am happy in my relationship? No I don’t and that is what I told her. But of course it is up to her.

How would you react if it would happen to you or your partner would confess something like that?


What happened to us???

Like many women, I am nosy.
So this morning it happened. I was on a former best friends Facebook site.

Yes, I admit it, I like to spy on websites to see what they are up to, not because I wish them any evil, fat wards or anything like that. I am not a jealous person, never have been, never will be.

However. Back to my former best friend.
A family picture of her, her husband and their two little children. All dressed in blue. A picture taken by a photographer.

I never liked “fake” or posed pictures and back then we (her and me) would have laughed about such an petty bourgeois family pic!

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being bourgeois as long you are fine with it.

I just don’t understand what happened to our friendship and why and how we drifted so far away.

We have been friends since kindergarten time, have always been close even when she moved hours away. We talked about everything and always have been there for each other.

But then something changed. Slowly it started that she didn’t reply to phone calls or when I was heartbroken she said things like

“well it is your own fault when you always get involved with the wrong men…”

When you are heartbroken and think you will never ever fall in love again, you want to hear nice things, you want them to lie and say, it is all his fault…

Or when our car broke down she flatly said, “…just lease a new car…” Money was never important to her and she would have never put herself into debt.

And when we finally met (I usually visited her), she actually didn’t have much time, her husband and children always interrupted us.

I mean, when you didn’t see your best friend in a long time, you want to spend time together without any interfering!

There where so many things, too many to list but the biggest led down was when I got pregnant…. unfortunately I miscarried but she was so busy with herself… when she eventually phoned me to ask how the baby is, I told her there is no baby anymore…

If it would have been the other way around, I would have dropped everything and drive straight to her, but the only thing she said was, she is sorry…

Yes, I am sorry too but those are things, I just can’t forget nor forgive. So many things where I have shaken my head in disbelief…

Once you start to think,
I can’t rely on my bestie, I better phone someone else,
where is the point in keeping a friendship alive?!

We all grow up, we make up our minds, but do we all go in so different directions? If it was like that, it would be very sad.

As for me, I fought for our friendship, I really tried, but at some point I got very tired and eventually gave up. Giving up is not in my nature, but I was given no other choice, sadly.

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, but I do hope and believe that somewhere out there is a genuine woman who wants and will be my bestie till the end of time!


The pain with donations and dissapointment!

As I mentioned in a post before, I wanted to do the

“Ben Nevis Winter Walk” and therefore had to raise funds for the “Willow” organization.

So far so good. I posted it here, posted it on Facebook send emails to my children’s schools for support and told my family as well.

The schools mentioned it in their school newsletter, which was really kind of them and also some here shared my link (big thank you!) but, and now it comes:

On my Facebook site it was shared only 3 times of family members! I have around 65 friends (including family) on my friend list which I personally know. BUT no one shared my link nor donated a few pennies to the charity site, not even my family and I must admit, I am a bit disappointed and also feel led down.

My expectation was that they would at least share the link. If someone would ask me for help, I would help!

Also I have to say I feel for the persons who support (successfully) and raise funds for charity events or charities in general as it it really hard work!  Walking from house to house, getting in touch with other people and companies to ask for help and their money is really difficult and exhausting and in my case disappointing and mentally I bow in front of them!

Also I had to cancel my Ben Nevis trip, because my husband has an army function which he has to attend that weekend, which means if I was away, we wouldn’t have a babysitter.

I didn’t want to cancel my trip no matter what, I even phoned my sister and my parents in Germany to ask them to come over but my sister wasn’t in the mood to travel again as she just has been here recently and my parents have an appointment as well…

But they won’t get the better of me! There are some half marathons next year I want to attend. Of course you have to pay a fee to sign up and even if no one ever want to donate for my fees or gears, that is fine with me (I know how tight money is nowadays). There are always ways and I am looking forward to the events.

Tomorrow I will start with daily runs. Usually I run every second day and I can run 6 – 8 miles easily. Well 8 miles when it is flat terrain without Cash in the buggy and 6 with an imaginary oxygen mask when it is hilly.

So no, I won’t hang my head! I didn’t get the expected support, so what?! It could be worse! It will not stop me, I keep on going!


Sonnet of life

A sonnet is a first  kiss

which you will forever remember

and always will miss

The sweet kiss so soft so innocent so warm upon your lips

A sonnet is a flower bouquet

It smells so deliciously of freedom of sunshine

Of honesty

It warms your friend’s heart and you she knows we will forever be

A sonnet is family

She is around you, she supports you

No matter how bad the agony

A sonnet is love

A love that pleasures us

In the darkest of hours and will ever last

Are you not over it?!?

Two days ago I had an interesting conversation with my husband. It was in the morning, hubby was driving and I was babbling away of how proud I was, that I was already out for my morning run and did the todays poem assignment and mentioned that, for some reason I, am more into dark, sad and gloomy poems than funny ones. That funny ones are not really my thing. He asked if I was unhappy and I replied, that everything´s fine. To keep the conversation short, this is what he doesn´t understand:

Why do you bring up bad memories, are you not over them? Does it still hurt? Is there some unfinished business? Do you need to go through it again?

So I tried to make him understand the following:

A lot of bad things happened to me in the past. No physical abuse, but there was some soul damage which caused a lot of heartache and therefore a lot of drama.

Back then I dealt with it my way. I eventually got over it but I wasn´t able to talk about it. It still hurt somehow. I had to heal first and that took some time and it is true:

Time heals all wounds

So when I write or talk about not so nice things which happened in the past, it is not because I am not over it, or because I want to relive the pain. It is because I actually can talk about it, it doesn´t hurt anymore.

Maybe I am like one of my favourite singers B.B. King or Bobby Bland, I just live and feel the blues? Which isn´t a bad thing at all. When I got hurt, at first it seemed the whole world would end, than that everyone is against me. I´ve asked myself a lot of questions and eventually got angry just to find the answer:

If you get hurt by someone (on purpose), that person is just not worth it, not worth your time,not worth your tears, not worth your friendship or love because that very person don´t care about you!

And once I understood, I cut that person out of my life, no turning back! But believe me, those actions are not easy decisions . I tried to keep friendships and love alive as long as I could, but when you get the feeling that nothing is coming back from the other site, that you are the only one putting effort in, it might be better to let go and safe yourself. Because:

If you can´t love yourself, will you be able to love the people around you???

And every time I found answers to my heartache, I felt free and over it. That is why today I can talk about it.