Keep on dreaming!
Keep on fighting!
Keep on breathing!
Yesterday I have seen one of my husbands colleagues and every time I see him, he reminds me so much of my ex best friend, they even have the same features and the day our friendship ended comes back to my mind:
I sat waiting on a bench and a good friend, let’s call her D. finally found out, why my best friend of 13 years suddenly disappeared from me.
D. said to me:
“He is in love with you… he doesn’t and can’t see you anymore…”
The very second she said those words, my face felt all hot and I had tears in my eyes which I could hardly swallow back and my heart, my tiny heart, burst into a million peaces, because I knew he called our friendship off for good as I could not love him the way he would like me to.
Sure, a while ago he said thinks like “why don’t I find a woman like you…”, but I didn’t give it further thoughts.
So yesterday this scene of that particular day was in my head again. How I tried to hold up the whole day and breaking down in the evening in bed…
It got me thinking, why on earth did he fall in love with me???
He knew me inside out, he has seen me on my lowest, knew my dark side, my weakness, all badness and yes, also my good side, but still, why did he fall in love?
I am being honest here, if it was possible to check a person before you get together, I don’t think I would want a relationship unless the desired person is almost flawless and we all know, those people don’t exist!
Let’s face it, a relationship means more or less hard work.
Does the humankind need all this fuss about open toothpaste… leaving laundry behind so that one can backtrack their every single step… dealing with jealousy… or frankly dealing with unnerving attributes?!
I don’t think so! Maybe it would be easier with just a friend-with-benefits…
Sigh, I know sooner or later love is always in the way.
Still, I think, why, oh why???
And though he also had unnerving attributes, I still miss my old bestie…
Though it is almost 7 years since my best friend and me “split-up”, I still miss him.
Or maybe it is the fact that I miss a best (male) friend in general. Maybe I should mention that I prefer male best friends over females, because lets face it ladies, most of us get offensive, take things personal or I don’t know what else by things we get to hear.
I am a little exception. I don’t take things and life too serious, I am easy going, speak my mind and believe that is why the opposite sex likes to hang out with me.
Recently I got asked by a runner I met a couple of month ago if we could run together as he got a bit lazy and knows that my husband and me run a lot. Or maybe he meant just my husband and just wanted to be polite not to say out loud that he doesn’t want to run with me as well. But let’s say, he meant us both.
So I got all excited, dreaming about a new best friend. Of course husband claims, there must be more to it and that I fancy him.
To get this straight:
Said runner has a girlfriend, I have a husband. So that would be a no-go!
But if I could place an ad it probably would say this:
Looking for a new best friend.
You should be:
You should have the same or similar interests like:
You should not be:
The look should be:
I am not looking for any kind of romance! If you think you fulfill the requirements, send me an email with picture.
Phew, looks like quite some expansive ad.
Yeah, a new best friend would be more than nice, but if our “running-date” next week is just that, a running date and no further interpersonal connection, then so be it.
But who knows maybe with a bit luck, I get/got myself a new buddy!
My four year old daughter Cailleach got invited to a birthday party again. The 3rd one so far and every time I drop her off, the parties are in indoor playgrounds, pubs or other public rooms to rent.
Every time I get there it seems as if the whole school class is invited and I wonder:
Do parents have to invite the entire class out of politeness or do the birthday children really want them all to join?
Is this a British thing to invite everyone? Or did that just change over the years?
When Dean and Dana where young, in Germany you only got to invite the “real” friends, the buddies, not the whole class. Only who was good enough for their precious child got a very important invitation. Also parties where normally held at home, only if you could effort it, parties where held elsewhere than the own 4 walls!
Unfortunately my poor children back then got next to no invitations in the first kindergarten (and school) they went to because of their wildly tattooed mommy (sorry for that, *hem*). So when we moved house and also kindergarten, I made sure to cover myself the first few month until people got to know me. What a surprise, they even got invited! But like I said, never the whole bunch.
Or did I miss something?
Here parties are never longer than two hours, which I can now understand given the fact there are 10 – 20 screaming children, also it must be quite expansive! Do they safe up for those events? I would have to save non-stop for my four.
So tell me, how do you do it? Do you rob a bank? Threaten your partner to throw the best and biggest party ever for your little ones? Spill the beans- I am curious!
A few days ago a dear friend of mine send me an email. Because my friends all live overseas, we keep each other more or less up to date via email. Every now and then also via Whatsapp (voice-) messages.
However. I am reading her email about her life and so on and then all of a sudden she says, a friend of hers kissed her.
We have to dig a bit deeper here.
My friend is a beautiful intelligent lady who is in a long-term loving and happy relationship with a nice man. And the man who kissed her, was or still is just a good friend, or so she thought.
They where out in town at the weekend, preparing things for a party and on the way home they stopped in a park for a rest in the sun. So they put their shopping bags on a bench and before she knew what was going on he said
“I am sorry for doing this to you, but I just have to, even knowing this will be the only time…”
and then he took her face with both hands and kissed her! She kissed him back, but stopped quickly and moved out of his grip and before she could respond he said
“I know I am selfish and I shouldn’t have because you are in a relationship but I am feeling more than just friendship and I wanted just one kiss so I would not wonder for the rest of my life, what it would be like. It will not happen again, please don’t tell XY.”
She was so baffled, she didn’t know what to say…
So she send me her story, also telling me that she didn’t confess in her boyfriend. She said, she didn’t do anything to encourage him to kiss her nor did she realize that he’s got feelings for her.
Though, she admits it was a beautiful kiss, but she loves her partner.
Only thing she doesn’t know is whether to tell her partner or not.
Hm. That is a tricky situation because
a) she kissed him back. Her partner might ask, why she did kiss him back instead of stopping him in his tracks
b) it would cause a row between the three, because she kissed him back and both males are friends with each other as well and kissing another buddies woman is a no-go (we all know that)
c) if she doesn’t tell, she has to live with it.
If I was in her shoes, and I really love my partner, I wouldn’t tell him! Why causing a row? It was a meaningless kiss and if the other part wouldn’t have started it, it would have never happened. Why stirring something up? Do I have to make my partner feel bad or angry or even insecure about something I already have forgotten hours later because it was so irrelevant?
I did that once. I was 18 (I think) and as it happened, I kissed someone back, confessed in my boyfriend because I thought he should know. I told him it didn’t mean nothing to me (it didn’t) and what did I get in return?! Pure drama! Trust gone… though he said, he would forgive me. He didn’t! He let me know every time we went somewhere. He was so jealous it was pure madness him shouting at me even when another man only looked in my direction. In the end I just had to end it, I couldn’t take it anymore!
If she doesn’t want to hide even a “white-lie”, she might has to live with the consequences:
Do I want to give me the above mentioned when I am happy in my relationship? No I don’t and that is what I told her. But of course it is up to her.
How would you react if it would happen to you or your partner would confess something like that?
Like many women, I am nosy.
So this morning it happened. I was on a former best friends Facebook site.
Yes, I admit it, I like to spy on websites to see what they are up to, not because I wish them any evil, fat wards or anything like that. I am not a jealous person, never have been, never will be.
However. Back to my former best friend.
A family picture of her, her husband and their two little children. All dressed in blue. A picture taken by a photographer.
I never liked “fake” or posed pictures and back then we (her and me) would have laughed about such an petty bourgeois family pic!
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being bourgeois as long you are fine with it.
I just don’t understand what happened to our friendship and why and how we drifted so far away.
We have been friends since kindergarten time, have always been close even when she moved hours away. We talked about everything and always have been there for each other.
But then something changed. Slowly it started that she didn’t reply to phone calls or when I was heartbroken she said things like
“well it is your own fault when you always get involved with the wrong men…”
When you are heartbroken and think you will never ever fall in love again, you want to hear nice things, you want them to lie and say, it is all his fault…
Or when our car broke down she flatly said, “…just lease a new car…” Money was never important to her and she would have never put herself into debt.
And when we finally met (I usually visited her), she actually didn’t have much time, her husband and children always interrupted us.
I mean, when you didn’t see your best friend in a long time, you want to spend time together without any interfering!
There where so many things, too many to list but the biggest led down was when I got pregnant…. unfortunately I miscarried but she was so busy with herself… when she eventually phoned me to ask how the baby is, I told her there is no baby anymore…
If it would have been the other way around, I would have dropped everything and drive straight to her, but the only thing she said was, she is sorry…
Yes, I am sorry too but those are things, I just can’t forget nor forgive. So many things where I have shaken my head in disbelief…
Once you start to think,
I can’t rely on my bestie, I better phone someone else,
where is the point in keeping a friendship alive?!
We all grow up, we make up our minds, but do we all go in so different directions? If it was like that, it would be very sad.
As for me, I fought for our friendship, I really tried, but at some point I got very tired and eventually gave up. Giving up is not in my nature, but I was given no other choice, sadly.
Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, but I do hope and believe that somewhere out there is a genuine woman who wants and will be my bestie till the end of time!
Be careful, I might convince you.. You are art.✨
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