Category: friendship

Finally Moved Out…

It’s done. I finally moved out and in with my new man who is incredible. He is hot and funny and kind and so much more.

On Monday I will start my new job and I am excited about learning new skills.

This is a much needed new start.

The only thing missing are the babies. I miss them and wished they could be here with us already. Of course I miss my older babies too… but they don’t need me anymore… not really.

I think the babies need a new start as well. My little daughter is not doing well in school at all. Probably caused by the divorce of darling ex and myself.

Ever since she joined her new school, she got bullied. Not all the time and I am sure most of the teachers do their best to speak to all involved but it got to the point, that (apparently) she is quite aggressive towards other children and she does not follow tasks during class.

Like me, my children never found real friends in Callander. It’s always a back and forth. And we all know what children can be like. Once they pick on someone, they keep on doing it and so I believe a new school might be a good idea.

Unfortunately finding an affordable home in good old Scotland can be difficult when you have a specific budget. The nicer the area, the higher the rent from a private landlord. And council houses? The demand is high and the waiting lists for new builds already endless…

My favourite time of the year, autumn and winter, has finally arrived but I can’t really fully enjoy it so far.

I haven’t felt so good recently…. couldn’t exercise which is a big deal… my babies are not around….my kitties are at the old place…..another lock down is possibly looming…

But I am loved by my man, by my children and friends and that outweighs the negatives.

I march on because that is the only way I have ever known.

And as long I have love in my life, it’s worth fighting for my dreams and hopes.

What more can someone ask for???

Franky

Be Happy For Your Ex

A break up is never a nice occasion but sometimes not avoidable.

When I broke up with someone, I always tried to remain friendly and when someone broke up with me (yes, that happened, can’t even believe it myself), I tried to swallow my pride for being dumped and put on a brave face.

The brave face always turned into a “genuine” face as I never cried long after an ex who didn’t deserve me in the first place, otherwise he would have stayed!

However. Lets get back to when I got dumped and saw my ex with someone new. I never held grudges and thought them all the best. Okay, I admit it, of course I thought to myself, that I am so much better looking… but that’s it, I swear!

Never ever would I have tried to tear them apart by for example, weaselling my way back into his life or even worse spread lies. I think to do that is very low!

Plus there is the thing with karma. It will come for you and it might hit you harder than expected, so do avoid it, behave, swallow biting remarks and hope for the best!

That’s what you should do when you break up: Try to stay civil. Unless you are a teenager. In that case you are excused!

Franky

Dating Advice For The Ex

It is really funny how my life turned out. I didn’t see myself separating after 10 years of marriage, doing the conscious uncoupling thing and lastly giving my ex dating advice.

Darling ex was married twice before he met me, so really he was never alone and always in longterm relationships. Which means he has no clue when it comes to dating.

How to be flirty? What to say? What not to say? What is appropriate? When to ask to exchange numbers? When to initiate the first date?

So many questions…. the list goes on and on.

However, darling ex told me the other day, he is talking to a lady. At some point he messaged her something he shouldn’t have. So to rescue him from being dumped before it even begins, I told him how to save his backside.

Gentlemen, let me tell what women would want to hear. At least from my point of view:

Be straight with them! Honesty is the best medicine as women are sneaky detectives. If they want to find something out, they will and if they don’t like it, aaaaaall hell will break lose!

Also, tell them what you want from a relationship, but only the important basics. We don’t want to know your whole story!

And if you are just out of a relationship, but still friends with your ex for whatever reasons, let her know and ask her how she feels about it. If she is uncomfortable, ask her what she would suggest! But even if she says, that she is fine with it, never ever tell her you asked your ex for advice! Oh boy she will be so offended, she might not kill you right away, but you will never going to live that one down!

Never, ever slag down your ex- even if she deserves it. If a potential new partner asks what went wrong, begin with “this is my point of view and there are always two sides to a story… she might see it completely differently and I don’t want her to look bad as she is not here to defend herself…” That will give you lots of brownie points! Take my word for it! Plus it is a decent and very adult thing to do!

Don’t try too hard. If she doesn’t reply straight away, she might be busy. You, are not the centre of her world and that is okay- live with it!

Do not try to get into her knickers on the first date, unless she specifically says so! She might be the one, so plenty of time to rip of those panties!

If you think you can impress her with your bank account, think twice if you really want such a shallow person as your partner! A woman who genuinely likes you, doesn’t care about money, a sparkling car or a posh mention!

And when after all the above you really made it to first base, don’t eat her face off and fish for the remaining last dinner! A nice, slow kiss with soft lips and a little bit of tongue action is what women want! So get the lip scrub out and prepare!

And now the most important thing:

Be yourself and make her laugh! If you can make her laugh without playing the fool, you did it!

So darling ex has the most important facts and now it is up to him to score. I don’t mind helping him out as I want him to be happy.

Me? Well, I certainly didn’t look nor did I expect it, but someone special found me. I don’t want to talk about it just yet. Don’t want to jinx it. . . so stay tuned!

Franky

Conscious Uncoupling And Dating

My darling ex and me doing this thing many laughed about back then when Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced their separation:

Conscious uncoupling. Yep. We talked about what went wrong, we still do. Especially when darling ex feels very down. We talk about it without accusations. Just facts what went wrong and that it wasn’t his fault, maybe not even mine. Our expectations have just changed or even more important, we just didn’t know each good enough to see what we are really like when we met. After all, we got married after 4 month. How good do you know someone after such short time?

We still live under one roof. We want this ship to sail as smooth as possible without hurting each other and more important without hurting the children. We will tell them soon. But first we want them to see, that though we are separated, parents can still like each other and do things together us a family! We want them to see that it is not the end when a couple decides to end things.

So far so good.

But we also want to date! Not that we are already looking. But what do we say to someone who might be interested in us???

“Yes, I am separated, but we still live together under one roof as we decided to be best friends and continue to be a good example for our children…”

No one will believe, that there is nothing going between us! If a guy would tell me something like this, I certainly wouldn’t believe it! My sister recently met one of those twats! After dating for a couple of weeks, it turned out, that he is still with his wife and just wanted a secret girlfriend. He told her that he and his wife are separated, live under one roof in different rooms… only in the end he admitted what was really going on! He even had the guts to say, that maybe one day, he might actually leave his wife for her! Of course my sister has shown him the door!

I also had an encounter with a friend who did not believe that I am separated! Why would I lie about it?!

So yeah, I guess this is going to be a tricky situation.

I wonder, should we wait with dating until I have moved out?

Should we put our cards on the table right away, explaining the situation and offer, he/she can contact me/darling ex? Wouldn’t that be a bit awkward???

Never been in such a situation. Guess time will tell.

Franky

When Is The Right Time To Move Out???

Though our separation is still quite fresh, darling ex and me where talking about moving house. Not that he wants me to move house or is rushing me. Not at all. But we both know, we can’t live under one roof forever, especially when we start dating again.

But when is the right time to move out and separate the family?

Where will I go?

Will I find somewhere affordable? Will it be a nice area?

How far away will I move?

Will I buy or rent? And if I rent, will I be able to take my kitties? And if I plan to buy (which I would prefer), would I be granted a mortgage???

How sad will my babies be to “live” in two places from now on?

Will I find work in the area?

The last one is the most important one! Since I want to go up north, how are the chances to find a job nearby my new place and will it be manageable with the children and school???

Will my darling ex, the babies and me, still be a tight knitted team?

Can I even afford to move, as in new furniture etc. At the current moment the answer would be “no”.

So many questions, so little answers…

Franky

Penis Pictures

The other night. It is around 1am. My bestie sends me a text with a picture. A guy she met online month ago and was chatting with back then, send her a naked full on penis picture!

She then sends it to me, asking a pained “why?”. I tell her to ask him what you are supposed to do with it, so she did. The guy’s answer: “Oh it wasn’t meant to be for you”.

Yes, riiiiight. Wenn a woman shows no signs of interest, it wasn’t meant to be for her.

To be honest, I wasn’t impressed either! If I was him, I would have chosen a nicer and more important, tidier background. Also after closer inspection of his, what he thinks, best part, I must say his penis looks like a long branch with dips down somewhere in the middle despite the fact that “it” was erect!

My bestie told me it happens often that she is talking to guys she meets online, everything is nice and bam, out of the blue she gets hit with a cock picture!

And I wonder:

Why do men do that? Do they really think, that is the right way to charm themselves into a woman knickers???

Or are they aware of the fact that their intellect is that low that they have to compensate with a penis picture? I mean it is a totally different thing when you are in a relationship. I’d like to believe we all send some naughty pictures somewhen in the past. I certainly did, would never ever if it wasn’t my man!

Also:

If my bestie gets those pictures on a regular basis, does she save them in a folder and if so, does she plan on creating a collage and publish it online with the caption “How Not To Get A Woman!”?

I shall ask her.

Franky

The Reason My Marriage Failed

Some of you might have read in a previous post, that I ended my marriage for good. The biggest problem my husband had… wait a bit… my husband doesn’t seem to be appropriate anymore. What shall I refer him to? Ex husband? Ex? Darling ex? I think I will refer to him as darling ex, as we are still on good terms and don’t hate each other! Okay, now back to the actual topic:

What darling ex couldn’t live with, was me being quite flirty. I told him over and over again, that flirting to me is nothing but hot air and banter between two people. I even flirt with women without thinking anything sexual, it is just fun. Let me give you an example:

The other day I walked up to a colleague. He said: What do you want? I replied: Nothing but your hot body, but a big pack of toilet paper will do for now! He: And here I am thinking you want me, but toilet paper seems more important. Me: Well, you can’t have everything!

See? Just two people having a giggle!

And come on, this is Scotland, this is the UK! This is the land of charming gentlemen and women of all ages and sizes!

But I think, I wasn’t the main reason for jealousy here. It was rather the fact that he was cheated on before he met me. I know things like that sting, but only because you got mistreated before, doesn’t mean, that the next person is the same. Or that the cheating person cheats again. It just wasn’t meant to be, the paring was not right.

If I was really into each and every person I have flirted with, I would be more famous than Giacomo Casanova!!! Maybe I should make my flirtations a reputable business! I would be a millionaire by the end of the year! Ha, what am I thinking?! A multi millionaire! And when I really like someone, like I-Want-To-Get-Into-Your-Boxers-Like, believe me, I make that very clear! There are no doubts about this!

There where other little things, like me being extremely spontaneous, me leaving the house without notice, and me not wanting to change my ways. Probably a 1000 other annoying things, who counts?!

What I couldn’t live with anymore was him, and that is how I perceived him even though he doesn’t, was that he was extremely controlling and jealous. He would log into my accounts like facebook, WhatsApp and I don’t know what else, snooping around, contacting people and threatening them, followed by interrogating me, what I am doing, who I am with, who I am talking to on the phone, who I am texting with, why I am not home from work, yet. That was, when he was triggered or felt threatened by someone.

The next thing from my perspective of view was, that he would come up with things, we already discussed, things that are in the past. Over and over again. Like a broken record. Or that he would talk forever to “sort things out”. I am not a person who likes to talk about her feelings. Just.Don’t.Do.It! I also might be one of the view women who when talked about something that bothers me, I will not bring it up again. I am like Dory- 2 seconds later I have forgotten all about it. And I hate to repeat myself. So why do it over and over again?! I didn’t have any new answers!

Yeah, we both promised to change. But we all know that people don’t change. Not really. Something, somewhen will come up, a trigger and bam, here we go again.

And though I might end up alone and dead one day, maybe even eaten by my desperate, starving cats (who of course will feel awful feasting on me) because no-one checked on me, ending it was the right decision.

In the end I felt like I have to censor my every move, everything I said. And this is so not me. Everyone who knows me, knows I always speak my mind. Now I feel much better. The pressure of trying to be a wife is gone, some weight is lifted off my shoulders. And anyway:

We are still young and hell, we are good looking! Someone will take pity on us and/or crazy enough to put up with all our beautiful flaws!

Franky

It Is My Fault

My marriage failed and though I ended it, it is totally my fault!

When I met my husband, he was a happy and carefree guy, but over the years I made him really miserable…despite the fact he says it was the best years of his life!

We know what went wrong along the way, we tried to fix it. Believe me, we tried so many times and for a while it would be all okay but than it would start all over again and in the end I couldn’t take it anymore.

My feelings are so far gone, they will never come back and so I broke my husbands heart and quit. I am usually not a quitter! I fight till the very end. But unfortunately there is nothing left to fight for.

And it really pains me to see him so sad, but I can’t pretend to be someone I am not. I just can’t as it would feel like a lie and I don’t lie and he doesn’t deserve to be lied at.

Of course I still feel affection for him and want us to be a family and do things together. Just not on a romantic level or couple level.

Nobody except our two older children knows, yet. I might just tell the whole world here on my blog, but no one in my family or friends read my blog…. We didn’t tell the little ones because we still get along very well and live under one roof. And we don’t want to put them through the pain.

And when someone separates, gets divorced, splits up, it is never a happy occasion you want to shout from the rooftops…

Yes, sooner or later we will tell, but for now we wait until everything smoothes over a bit. And yes, sooner or later I will move out with the little babies as my husband pays the mortgage and so of course he will keep the house and that is okay!

Once again I have been selfish. I put myself, my happiness, first and in the long run probably made everyone unhappy, but it felt like I couldn’t breath anymore.

All I know is that I will be a far more better friend to my husband than a wife. I know it is not what he wants, but he will realise it will be what he needs! He knows what I am like with my friends, I do most anything for them!

He puts on a brave face most of the time, but I know he isn’t in a good place and I want to kick myself in the backside for not warning him when we met.

It is so easy to fall in love with me! But what you really need is a very thick skin and tons, tons and tons of patience! I guess I am just too wild, or call it immature, it is what it is.

I didn’t make any future plans, yet. I just want all of us to be happy as a family.

My husband is not to blame here. Yes, I accused him of being way to jealous and controlling, but would I have given him the attention he so badly needed he wouldn’t have behaved the way he did. So this is on me!

He is a great guy and though he doesn’t want to hear anything about it, one day he will meet a great woman who deserves nothing but the best- and that is him!

Franky