Keep on dreaming!
Keep on fighting!
Keep on breathing!
Recently I read a post from this lovely person:
and wondered, will I ever find other bodies which don’t belong to my household???
The thought alone gives me strawberry skin, it makes me shiver and it feels like something is crawling up and down my spine, something slimy you don’t want and frankly I wish that my children would wait with everything sex related until they are married and moved out!
Which means they should be in their late 20s!!! Awwwww isn’t that a nice daydream?
When I think back, once my mother found me in bed with my boyfriend when I was still young and thought I was very much in loooooove. By then I didn’t know that it is possible to nearly faint while you get shouted at by your mum!
Once I got my driving license I used to sleep at my boyfriends. Did I mention he also still lived at home. But hey, when you are young you don’t care (that much).
So, how would I feel when my son or daughter even have the guts to ask me, whether or not someone they think they are in love with, could stay over night?
I probably throw up…. just kidding….not…. well, I don’t know. I really don’t.
The rules here in house Free are very strict:
Stay away from the opposite sex. Stay away from the same sex- whichever you prefer, as long as possible! Once you think you are in looooove, it is high likely you get your heart broken. The longer you wait, the better.
Which brings us to the next rule:
Don’t get married before your late 20s or even better early 30s. How likely is it nowadays that you stay married when you met young??? Get my point? It is way to tempting to just throw something away instead to fix it…
Would it be mean of me, just to say “no” when get asked the “over-night-question”? I already feel uncomfortable about it. I don’t want this to happen- EVER!
Ah maybe I am lucky and they move out early, with a part time job, studying something great… being on their own feet.
Then I can pretend, they do nothing but work and study and that they don’t have time for relationships and everything that comes with it.
Yeah. I stick with that!!!
It is a beautiful morning. I am running up a big hill. I feel like I am flying. I am feeling free. Easily I make it to the top and there you are . I thought I would never see you again and still.
How did you find me? Why are you here? What do you want? Why, after all this time? Can it really be?
Your smile warms my heart. Still I can’t say a word. I stay frozen to the spot. All I can do is stare. Maybe I didn’t get it, yet. You being here, so far away from home. You don’t talk, just smile. Above our heads endless deep blue sky.
I can’t take it anymore, too overwhelmed, too many feelings, too sore.
Love, hate, disappointment, happiness, gladness, fear, hope.
Moving slowly, I end up in your arms. I still can’t talk, just want to live in this moment surrounded by warmth.
I breath deeply, almost forgotten was your scent, almost forgotten the feel of your strong arms, we were to be meant.
Silently I look at you, my eyes full of sadness, begging you to set me free, to save me from my thoughts full of madness.
The thoughts will never end, thoughts of sin, of love, of happiness, of despair, of everything which once has been, so I am begging you, I am begging you, set me free and save me from my thoughts and just let me be.
A sonnet is a first kiss
which you will forever remember
and always will miss
The sweet kiss so soft so innocent so warm upon your lips
A sonnet is a flower bouquet
It smells so deliciously of freedom of sunshine
It warms your friend’s heart and you she knows we will forever be
A sonnet is family
She is around you, she supports you
No matter how bad the agony
A sonnet is love
A love that pleasures us
In the darkest of hours and will ever last
Only a few streets away
My heart was always with you
We fought and we loved
You came always back to me
Your beauty was stunning, your heart was mine and mine was yours
Our love so big so pure
But you left
My heart has been waiting for my sweetheart so long so long
But life goes on and it goes on and on
This early morning I was woken by a weird dream I had. I dreamed of my first love. I dreamed that he asked me “if you where single, would you take me back?” and I replied “No, because I waited far to long for you to come back to me!” Then it turned out he was a vampire and tried to corpse everyone around me. I don´t know if he succeeded because I woke up!
What for a weird dream! We all had our first big love we thought will ever last and to the ones who are still with their first love: CONGRATULATION! Really, I mean it from the bottom of my heard.
So let me tell you about MY first love:
I was sweet 13 and was standing during frist break in the school hall with my girlfriends talking. And than HE joined us, standing opposite me talking to the other girls but staring and smiling only at me. My heart was racing and I couldn´t get him out of my thoughts for the rest of the day. The following day I was all excited and hoped to see him again- I was in class 7 and he was in class 10, so back then he was 17.
The clock was ringing for the first break and in the hall I met him. He walked straight over to me asking me for a chat outsite. My heart was bumping in my throat, I was so nervous…
He was around 177cm, well-built, full lips (oh how soft his slips where), dark brown eyes, dark short hair and even his skin colour was a bit darker, (I so loved to touch his body); I loved his muscular arms! He was the boy every girl in our town wanted to be with but for some reason he wanted me. Me, the younger little slim girl with long brown hair and blue eyes…
This love back then was so big, I couldn´t be with him and didn´t know how to survive the day without him. We argued, split up and got back together a few times. He was always in my mind and for some reason it seemed, that he always knew where I was. But these feelings where so overwhelming, I could barely take it. Guess I was just to young. Or maybe it was not the right time.
We broke up and got back together for around 3 years until he left the town forever. Naive as I was, I believed he would come back to me! I believed that for a very very very long time! But he never came back and that broke me. It broke me so bad, that every time I met an actually nice man, I compared him to my ex. No one was good enough. I always thought, one day I will be Mrs. B., we would have children and be a happy family…
When my ex left, he took my heart with him, I was so afraid of love, that I built a big wall around me and shut down. And when I finally realized that when I want to find true love, I have to give him up, I have to let him go. I said to myself, that if he would have really loved me as much I loved him, he would have come back for me. Sad thing is, I never ever told him once, I loved him.
Recently he tried to add me on Facebook. Without a single word. Stubborn as I am, I declined the request. I bet he smiled at that, thinking, she didn´t change!
Would I take him back if I was single? I honestly do not know. We are older now. We moved on. Who knows if we would have still things in common? When I looked at his profile picture though, I wouldn´t have recognized him at all. He put a bit of weight on and for some reason reminded me of my father, hehehehehe… and who wants to date her daddy?!
He was my first love, we had good and bad times and I don´t regret anything. Back then it might have hurt to think about him, nowadays it just puts a little smile on my lips, it doesn´t hurt anymore because eventually I was ready for a (second) real love, but that is another story!