Category: First love

Cosmopolitans “First Love”

I have been a Cosmopolitan reader for many many years!

I read the German Cosmopolitan, the American (which is not really my thing, sorry) and my favourite one, the UK Cosmopolitan.

Usually I found great pleasure reading about peoples “First Love”, but lately I can’t take it serious anymore.

Just today I read the February edition and the ex couple was 20 years of age!

20! Years! Of! Age!

Please tell me, what does a 20 something know of first love?! How much experience can a still very young person have, to say, “yes, it was love, my first love!”

I thought Cosmopolitan is for every age group but it was a long time since  they interviewed ex couples past 30.

Is it, because most readers want to read about younger people? Or is it because most people past 30 are in happy (married) relationships and wouldn’t want to participate? Or is the age group all of a sudden too old? But then again, if this magazine wants to have younger followers, could said followers actually afford the very fancy and pricey products which shine back at you the second you open the glossy papers?!

Hm. I don’t know, I just find it annoying. Or does that mean, I am getting old?

Franky

Perception of Joker

Yesterday hubby and me watched the new ‘Joker’ movie and it was great and sad and disturbing and I could identify with the character in so many ways…

Many of us have seen ‘Joker’ movies before and in general the character of the ‘Joker” is a mental person, a twisted one, an evil persona or so it seems on the first look.

When I watched the movie the person I have seen was a deeply sad person. A man who felt invisible to society, to people around him, to women to everyone really. I felt that people would look down at him, laugh at him and no matter how hard he would try, it would never seem enough to be accepted or appreciated or just be honest with him!

How many of you felt that way before? How many of you felt alone? How many of you thought, you are not good enough…. at work, at relationships, friendships….? How many of you felt mistreated? How many of you felt unloved and not pretty enough only because you do things different or think in an unconventional way? How often have you thought, you will never be better or overcome your ‘working class status’?

In today’s world people look at you and judge you in the first few seconds, they make up their mind without putting the effort in, in getting to know you. What for a sad sad thing to do, I hang my head in shame for everyone who acts this way!

Nowadays the first reaction when people hear that someone has mental health problems like bipolar or a form of schizophrenia, ADHS, anxiety and lots of other things is disgust or comments like “they should get their act together”! Why not show a bit compassion, why not ask the person next to you how he/she is doing? Why not ask yourself if you yourself is right in the head? Aren’t we all a bit mental? Don’t we all have problems? For some their problems might be nothing major, for others it might be the end of the world….

So here I sit now, reminiscing…. and let me tell you the following:

I don’t know you, I don’t know your story but I know you are out there and I feel for you! It might not be today or tomorrow, but the day will come where you see the light in the end of the tunnel and you will feel better! And whoever tries to tell you, you are not right or not good enough, do not listen to them! You are unique and perfect in every way and you are loved and you will be cherished! You might not know it now or not have found the one just yet, but there is someone who can’t wait to meet you and give you what you are looking for and what you deserve! Don’t forget to breathe, do smile, do laugh and make the best of life as you deserve nothing but the best!

Do not give up, ever!

Franky

 

 

My children won’t have a sex life!!!

Recently I read a post from this lovely person:

https://kidscrumbsandcrackers.wordpress.com/2016/02/20/finders-keepers-%F0%9F%98%89/

and wondered, will I ever find other bodies which don’t belong to my household???

The thought alone gives me strawberry skin, it makes me shiver and it feels like something is crawling up and down my spine, something slimy you don’t want  and frankly I wish that my children would wait with everything sex related until they are married and moved out!

Which means they should be in their late 20s!!! Awwwww isn’t that a nice daydream?

When I think back, once my mother found me in bed with my boyfriend when I was still young and thought I was very much in loooooove. By then I didn’t know that it is possible to nearly faint while you get shouted at by your mum!

Once I got my driving license I used to sleep at my boyfriends. Did I mention he also still lived at home. But hey, when you are young you don’t care (that much).

So, how would I feel when my son or daughter even have the guts to ask me, whether or not someone they think they are in love with, could stay over night?

I probably throw up…. just kidding….not…. well, I don’t know. I really don’t.

The rules here in house Free are very strict:

Stay away from the opposite sex. Stay away from the same sex- whichever you prefer, as long as possible! Once you think you are in looooove, it is high likely you get your heart broken. The longer you wait, the better.

Which brings us to the next rule:

Don’t get married before your late 20s or even better early 30s. How likely is it nowadays that you stay married when you met young??? Get my point? It is way to tempting to just throw something away instead to fix it…

Would it be mean of me, just to say “no” when get asked the “over-night-question”? I already feel uncomfortable about it. I don’t want this to happen- EVER!

Ah maybe I am lucky and they move out early, with a part time job, studying something great… being on their own feet.

Then I can pretend, they do nothing but work and study and that they don’t have time for relationships and everything that comes with it.

Yeah. I stick with that!!!

Franky

Save me from my thoughts

It is a beautiful morning. I am running up a big hill. I feel like I am flying. I am feeling free. Easily I make it to the top and there you are . I thought I would never see you again and still.

How did you find me? Why are you here? What do you want? Why, after all this time? Can it really be?

Your smile warms my heart. Still I can’t say a word. I stay frozen to the spot. All I can do is stare. Maybe I didn’t get it, yet. You being here, so far away from home. You don’t talk, just smile. Above our heads endless deep blue sky.

I can’t take it anymore, too overwhelmed, too many feelings, too sore.

Love, hate, disappointment, happiness, gladness, fear, hope.

Moving slowly, I end up in your arms. I still can’t talk,  just want to live in this moment surrounded by warmth.

I breath deeply, almost forgotten was your scent, almost forgotten the feel of your strong arms, we were to be meant.

Silently I look at you, my eyes full of sadness, begging you to set me free, to save me from my thoughts full of madness.

The thoughts will never end, thoughts of sin, of love, of happiness, of despair, of everything which once has been, so I am begging you, I am begging you, set me free and save me from my thoughts and just let me be.

Sonnet of life

A sonnet is a first  kiss

which you will forever remember

and always will miss

The sweet kiss so soft so innocent so warm upon your lips

A sonnet is a flower bouquet

It smells so deliciously of freedom of sunshine

Of honesty

It warms your friend’s heart and you she knows we will forever be

A sonnet is family

She is around you, she supports you

No matter how bad the agony

A sonnet is love

A love that pleasures us

In the darkest of hours and will ever last

My sweetheart

My sweetheart

Only a few streets away

My heart was always with you

My sweetheart

We fought and we loved

You came always back to me

My sweetheart

Your beauty was stunning, your heart was mine and mine was yours

Our love so big so pure

But you left

My heart has been waiting for my sweetheart so long so long

But life goes on and it goes on and on

First Love

This early morning I was woken by a weird dream I had. I dreamed of my first love. I dreamed that he asked me “if you where single, would you take me back?” and I replied “No, because I waited far to long for you to come back to me!” Then it turned out he was a vampire and tried to corpse everyone around me. I don´t know if he succeeded because I woke up!

What for a weird dream! We all had our first big  love we thought will ever last and to the ones who are still with their first love: CONGRATULATION! Really, I mean it from the bottom of my heard.

So let me tell you about MY first love:

I was sweet 13 and was standing during frist break in the school hall with my girlfriends talking. And than HE joined us, standing opposite me talking to the other girls but staring and smiling only at me. My heart was racing and I couldn´t get him out of my thoughts for the rest of the day. The following day I was all excited and hoped to see him again- I was in class 7 and he was in class 10, so back then he was 17.

The clock was ringing for the first break and in the hall I met him. He walked straight over to me asking me for a chat outsite. My heart was bumping in my throat, I was so nervous…

He was around 177cm, well-built, full lips (oh how soft his slips where), dark brown eyes, dark short hair and even his skin colour was a bit darker, (I so loved to touch his body); I loved his muscular arms! He was the boy every girl in our town wanted to be with but for some reason he wanted me. Me, the younger little slim girl with long brown hair and blue eyes…

This love back then was so big, I couldn´t be with him and didn´t know how to survive the day without him. We argued, split up and got back together a few times. He was always in my mind and for some reason it seemed, that he always knew where I was. But these feelings where so overwhelming, I could barely take it. Guess I was just to young. Or maybe it was not the right time.

We broke up and got back together for around 3 years until he left the town forever. Naive as I was, I believed he would come back to me! I believed that for a very very very long time! But he never came back and that broke me. It broke me so bad, that every time I met an actually nice man, I compared him to my ex. No one was good enough. I always thought, one day I will be Mrs. B., we would have children and be a happy family…

When my ex left, he took my heart with him, I was so afraid of love, that I built  a big wall around me and shut down. And when I finally realized that when I want to find true love, I have to give him up, I have to let him go. I said to myself, that if he would have really loved me as much I loved him, he would have come back for me. Sad thing is, I never ever told him once, I loved him.

Recently he tried to add me on Facebook. Without a single word. Stubborn as I am, I declined the request. I bet he smiled at that, thinking, she didn´t change!

Would I take him back if I was single? I honestly do not know. We are older now. We moved on. Who knows if we would have still things in common? When I looked at his profile picture though, I wouldn´t have recognized  him at all. He put a bit of weight on and for some reason reminded me of my father, hehehehehe… and who wants to date her daddy?!

He was my first love, we had good and bad times and I don´t regret anything. Back then it might have hurt to think about him, nowadays it just puts a little smile on my lips, it doesn´t hurt anymore because eventually I was ready for a (second) real love, but that is another story!

Franky