If I would have told you, the reason why I hug you so tight is because it might be the last time, would you have been worried?
If I would have told you, you smell lovely, would you have snuggled closer?
If I would have told you, I miss you so much it hurts, would you have been more around?
If I would have told you, I love the melody of your voice, would you have talked more?
If I would have told you, you are the most beautiful person, would you have believed it?
If I would have told you, I loved you, would you have waited?
So many words unspoken.
So many questions left.
If only I would have told you…
I am walking through a shop and all of a sudden I can hear Marvin Gaye’s “I want you”. This song makes me smile as it brings back sweet memories.
I used to date a man and I wanted him so so bad. I know he wanted me too but refused to get caught in a serious relationship.
One day after work I send him a simple sms:
“Are you available this afternoon?”
“Yes, I will be here!”, was his instant reply.
I got all excited, drove home and got ready for my date.
When I arrived, I rang his bell… the door opened. I took my time walking up to the 3rd floor wearing nothing but my black t-strap high-heels and a cherry red knee length coat with tiger print lining.
Just before I turned around to walk up the last few stairs I opened my coat. I walked slowly with a smile on my lips.
When he has seen me, he gasped “oh shit”.
The second I arrived at his doorstep he grabbed and kissed me. He was so greedy, his needy fingers sliding inside me without hesitation.
“You are so wet… wet for me”, he murmured. A groan was all I could manage while undoing his jeans.
He pushed me inside, shutting the door with his foot he pressed me over to the opposite door. We stood right in the door frame. The kitchen window was open, on the other side of the street workers on a scaffold.
We didn’t mind if they would see us. We where caught in the moment. There was no nice love-making. It was quick, it was hard, it was from behind, me bending forward, feeling him very deep and rough.
As quick as it began it ended. A man and a woman. Breathless and satisfied.
“Thank you”, I smiled, kissed him one last time and went back to my car.
That day I didn’t want sweet, I didn’t want to persuade him, to make him see and admit that his feelings are just the same. I just wanted sex.
On the way back home in my car I turned the radio on.
Marvin Gaye sang “I want you”…
It is late in the evening as they are walking down the street , side by side, barely touching, to her house. No jackets are needed as it is still warm. Talking they stop in front of the big entrance. A strong brick wall surrounds the old mansion, the iron gate is shut, behind a small lawn covered in little white and pink daisies, their petals up to get a good nights sleep.
“This is my home”, she says, stopping. “This is your home? I didn’t know you live in this area. It is a beautiful old house. I always wondered what it looks like from the inside”, he answered. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, he thought to himself.
Her heart starts to beat. It beats fast, her eyes wide, “thank you for the nice evening and walking me home. I better go in”, she says and turns around to open the gate. Without a word he grabs her wrist, yanking her towards him, looping one arm around her.
“Stop running from me”, he says with his deep smooth voice while looking her in the eyes.
Her hands are on his chest, trying to push him and her feelings away. She doesn’t want feelings. Feelings mean you are vulnerable. Her heart is in pieces and better that way. I can feel his heartbeat under my hands, it feels nice, but it shouldn’t, so many thoughts are in her mind.
The world around them seems to stop. No birds are chirping, the streets empty. Slowly he bends down, focusing on her sweet full lips. After month of trying to get through to her, he kisses her softly. She is not moving, her hands still in defense on his muscular chest. Moving his lips over hers, barely touching she comes alive. Still hesitant she kisses him back.
He doesn’t want to, but he stops. Hovering over her mouth he whispers, “You need to let me in… I want to be with you”. Seconds pass while they look at each other.
She doesn’t say a thing, she just stares.
“I am begging you, kiss me” he says. She breaks. Her hands warm on his chest, she stands on her tip toes and kisses him. He let go of her hand, grabs the back of her head, pulling her even closer, a kiss so deep it goes all through her body. When he bites her lips she moans softly, her hands wandering over his chest up to his tattooed neck, stroking down his back over his firm manly bottom.
Tensing he picks her up, her legs around his hips he walks over to the brick wall and sits her down, their lips never parting, kissing, teasing, tongues playing with each other.
Her hands in his curly ginger short hair, lost in the moment she is kissing his neck, pressing her body into his, her nipples hard under her soft red tea dress.
“What a tease”, he groans. . .