Category: Family

Parenthood is so hard…

I have been a parent for almost 18 years now. Longer if you count the pregnancy as well.

When my first born arrived it felt just right. I loved my son straight away despite the fact that he looked like a very red spotty beetle. Motherly love, eh?

When my second one arrived 1 year and 5 month later it was love again, not at (first) sight as she looked like a sumo wrestler baby but fortunately she outgrew that very quickly.

Having them both together was fun and for a long time it was only us, the three musketeers. We had our routine and were happy. But it was also very exhausting and there were days when I had to lock myself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes for a good cry….

Than 10 years later a second beloved daughter arrived and oh she was perfect! I had given up on the fact that when my children are born they have to grow into beautiful individuals but she, my Cailleach, was perfect!

Two years after Cailleach our second son arrived 6 weeks premature but strong and healthy given the circumstances and also so handsome!

Thinking I was exhausted when I had the first two, I can only laugh! Never had I such ferocious dark baggy circles under my eyes which on a daily basis said hello to my knees! I even cried from sleep deprivation as the two little monsters wanted nothing but mommies boobies and arms to be held 24/7 for over a year from the time they arrived.

But if you think toddlerhood is exhausting, wait until you have teenagers. Female teenagers to be precise.

They can be so stubborn, they have their own mind and ways and that is totally fine- as long you don’t live under one roof!

They can be so incredibly lazy that you want to pull your hair out or better theirs and only help around the house if you

a) threaten

or

b) pay them

or

c) well they usually don’t even blink an eyelash when it comes to help out anyway….

I know I should be more considerate, I should just let them be, but the thing is:

My 7 year old daughter is already developing the same attitude! SHE IS 7!!! And I just can’t have another one of this type! It is just too much with everything else going on like paying off a house, finding a proper job that makes me happy with a good wage, getting my garden done (spend hours so far gardening), trying to get the rest of my house done, trying to figure out how to pay for all this….

At the moment I just want peace and quiet. I don’t want to feel sad and tired and puzzled trying to figure out what to do and how to survive another day!

In an ideal world I would come home from a job I love to find my house clean and tidy.

In an ideal world I would be able to make breakfast and cook.

In an ideal world I wouldn’t have to worry about my children’s homework and education.

But this is not an ideal world.

I wished I could stop being a mum, just for a bit, to be able to breath and take care of myself…

I wished it would get easier, but it never does.

But we keep on marching and we keep on loving.

Franky

Orkney or Cork???

Last week I applied for at least 3 vacancies on beautiful Orkney island, mainland.

Yes I know, we just bought a house and I was lucky enough to finally find a job near where I live now….

If there wasn’t a BUT!

But, two things:

  1. There is not much more to achieve for me… I think… on the other hand, I could stick it out until another position as retreat manager or similar will open internally…. But I don’t think I want to work for the rest of my life in a retreat, managing a café and checking guests in and out… Don’t get me wrong, the location, my colleagues and the guests are all lovely…but:
  2. The wage I earn is not enough to provide for my family in case my husband would lose his job or even worse.

And after all we wanted to go Orkney anyway. No, let me rephrase that: I wanted us to go to Orkney! So here is me thinking, searching desperately for a job I love, where I can achieve more skills and where I finally finally settle, happy as Larry!

But it feels as if nobody wants to give me a chance. I apply for jobs but get one rejection after the other and it is very difficult to remain in my Franky-Everything-Will-Be-Alright-Bubble!

My husband says, all you need is the one person who believes in you and gives you a chance to prove yourself! Well it would be nice if that person would turn up!

And now another bomb which could change everything again:

My husband told me yesterday evening all nonchalantly that he applied for some vacancies in, and now here it comes, Ireland! Yes, Ireland!

How exciting is that???

So it might be my husband who moves away for a better job and not me.

However, I will keep you updated!

Franky

From Vegan to Prescetarian

The transition was not difficult at all, but the decision to do this step was.

I have been a vegetarian for a loooong time and have been a vegan for three years.

Both as vegetarian and vegan I got my blood tested at least once per year to make sure I don’t have any deficiencies. My blood results where always fine, nothing to worry about.

It can take up to one year for your body to adjust to a new lifestyle. So far so good.

But since I became a vegan and looking back on it now I recently realised that I was/am constantly tired, I have put on a bit of weight but worse of all I was constantly ill. Not sickly ill that I needed to stay in bed but often cold ridden which in my case often results in nasty and painful sinus infections. And there is nothing worse than to walk around for days with swollen tiny mole eyes!!!

So I came across a study and to keep it short it basically said that though your blood results can be perfectly fine, your macrobiotics which are to be found in your gut/colon might be out of balance as apparently you get more of those macrobiotics from meat rather than plants.

Vegans and vegetarians might argue this and I would have too but when you are constantly ill and tired… at some point you just have enough and you question your diet which I did.

Of course it could be for totally different reasons like getting older, too much work and stress and too little exercise….

But at the current moment I just need more energy. Enough energy to actual enjoy my spare time with family and friends and not going to bed straight away when I come home.

So I decided to add seafood to my vegan diet which makes me a prescetarian. I will continue this diet for a year and see if something changes which I really hope.

Nighty night everyone.

Franky

Letting go of resentment

The one and only Russell Brand recently talked about resentment on his blog.

Now many think Russell Brand is not an adequate role model for such things, but you know it got me thinking for quite some time and I came to the conclusion he is right.

Resentment eats you up. It is not healthy.

And thinking about his words and about the things or actions others did that I resented, I realised I have to let go in order to live a happier life!

You could say the following is a bit of an open letter.

So here it goes. The things that bothered me the most, things I resented, things which just made me feel bad:

Christian, I forgive you for not being able to be my best friend anymore! I do understand your reasons and though I still miss our friendship I am able to let go now.

Dares, I forgive you for making me feel unimportant in your life which eventually ended our friendship. I believe now that you did the best you could, but my standards have been probably too high to reach and I am sorry it ended like it did. But I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart!

For my brother whom I haven’t spoken in 15 long years: I forgive you for letting me down in several occasions! I should have just taken you the way you are! I also forgive you for hurting my feelings all those years ago when it came to the final blow. I, we, should have been more civilised and talk about it. I still love you and ever will and wherever you are, I hope you are doing good and that you are truly happy!

To my parents: I forgive you for not being able to make me feel loved! I know you might not have know better but I believe you did the best you could. After all, sometimes it is hard to love your teenager as I should know best as they can drive you mental and I was by far no angel.

Those things have eaten me up and it feels good to finally be able to let go. It is like weight is lifted of my shoulders and I can breath much better.

Franky

 

Super Mommies…

… I wish I was one of those super mommies!

You know the kind who wakes up the children with ready to eat healthy breakfast, who bakes pastries and sends them to school, who never ever forgets important school dates.

Who has lunch ready by the time the children are back from school, who bathes the little buggers and reads them a bed time story.

One with diaries to make sure, she never forgets anything.

Yeah, I wish I was so organised, motivated and wide awake, looking stunning in the early morning…. or afternoon.

Who organises play dates and hang out with the other mums on playgrounds.

But me? Pfffff…… I don’t plan…..I do have a planner however…..but forget to note important dates…. I forget school relating things until the day they actually happen or when I am really lucky the babies tell me just before shops will close.

Other mums??? I don’t even know what they look like and my excuse for now is, that I just moved here, ha!

Yes, I admit I am chaotic, I am most of the day in rush or busy with other things and also yes, when it is more convenient, I just put some chicken nuggets and chips in the oven paired with a glass of smoothie.

Yeah, I am trying…. but hey, they are alive and healthy so I must do something right.

Franky

Christmas in hospitality

As you might have read earlier, I currently work in a hotel as a waiter.

I, together with my headwaiter and two other lovely individuals, run the breakfast buffet which can get pretty tough, especially at weekends.

But now that we had Christmas, we are open 30 minutes longer every day and we are fully booked until the 2nd of January!

30 minutes does not sound much at first…. but hey ho, we ALWAYS (and I am rolling my eyes right now) have guests who come in one minute before we officially shut the doors. Maybe I should mention that in addition to the 30 minutes we top it up with another 15 minutes as a curtesy! And even than, some guests have no care in the world, wandering around, thinking about what next to eat. And than we have those very cheeky guests who stick their head through the closed door, demanding more food/drinks!!! What the…?!

If you are one of those who like to eat out over Christmas:

Don’t you think about the staff? About the people who serve you? Who get up very early in the morning to get the buffet ready, arranging everything nice so that you don’t get sore eyes?

Have you ever thought about, that those people working in hospitality would have liked to stay at their cozy homes, watch their children, family and friends to unwrap presents and stuff their faces with delicious food they prepared the day beforehand???!!!

I had to work 9 days straight! I did not get to see my children unwrap everything and I had to prepare all food the day before with instructions for my family about how long to put what in which oven to be ready for when I return from work.

So since I had to work every single day over the festive period, I would never even consider eating out at such a time and those with family (maybe, or high likely those without as well) will understand why.

Franky

P.S.: Once I was home from my shift I did nothing but eat all day long, my Christmas dinner was lovely.

Worldly possessions

On my way home from work I realised, I could live without all my so called worldly possessions!

I wouldn’t mind if I loose my house for what ever reason, everything in it, even my beloved eye and face cream (which is quite fancy, makes me look 10 years younger and costs hubby a fortune).

I wouldn’t mind loosing all my favourite clothes and running gear… after all you could replace it all.

But what I could never live without is the love of my friends, my children and husband.

Feeling loved is the only thing that does not make you feel lonely and that, I think, is the most important thing.

Merry Christmas all

Franky