Category: Family

Another Year, Another Mother’s Day…

… another year where I can pat myself on the shoulder for keeping my 4 children +one alive. The +one is my foster teenager who also happens to be my daughters boyfriend, just for clarification.

Yes, my children, hubby and me all survived another year of arguments, laughs, temper tantrums, tears, joys…. phone calls from teachers telling me that my daughter pulled other girls hair, that my 6 year old son, brought £20 to school for snack time, that my other (foster) son received a demerit for…. whatever! Who cares?!

What I want to say is:

We all do our best to make it through parenthood without loosing all our marbles!

To all who have very well behaved children:

Well done! I am so glad that you have a worry less in your life! I mean it!

To those who have wild, loud, lively children like me:

I salute you, you deserve a medal! And a huge glass of whiskey! Your children will survive and you will master every storm that surely will hit you (and me) in the future!

To our children:

Hey, you made it through another year with the two people who you think are old, deranged party pooper. Don’t be too hard on them, it might not look like it, but they do actually love you!

One thing we should never forget whether well behaved (whatever you classify well behaved) or not, we love our children, they are our blood, they will remain until we parents turn to old wrinkly raisins. They will survive us and march on with their own children, thinking back in a nervous breakdown what it was like when they were little!

As for the coming Mother’s Day: This is the only day were my children are complete and of course unpaid slaves without reward who have to jump to my every whim. I do not want any gifts, flowers or cheesy cards, but a clean house and my food brought to the sofa I will be residing on all day long! It has been like this in the past and it will go on like this until I change my mind which will be….. NEVER!

Franky

Odd Commentary

Two days I received not one, but two odd commentary from two different people.

When I was sitting at the hair dresser’s, we were talking about my hairdresser’s life, what she did before and when we came to children, I told her I have 4.

“4!!! Children?! 4??? You are married? Really? I thought you are single the way you look….”

I know, (she said so herself) she meant it in a nice way, but I wonder:

Am I not marriage material because I am heavily tattooed? Don’t I look like the type who could be married? I found that really odd.

Forward hours later:

My sister phones me. We updated each other what happened in each others lives in the past week and so I told her all proud, that I finally got my throat tattooed. And so she says:

“You still get tattooed?!?” She sounded really surprised, maybe even a bit shocked.

Why wouldn’t I still get tattooed? Are only people under 40 are allowed to get tattooed? And/or people with less than 4 children? Unmarried single human beings? I don’t even look 40! Usually people would say I look 30!

Maybe it was just her overall stuck up opinion on how to live your life. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I wished I could see her on a daily basis, but we are two very different people so I don’t hold her odd comment against her… but it still made me wonder.

Franky

I Became A Boring (Looking) Housewife

I must admit, I have been very unhappy about what I became.

A bored out of her arse housewife. Starting by the clothing, ending at the non-existing fun factor!

The last couple of years I did nothing but work and sleep, occasionally go for a run. How boring is that?! I used to be a fun person. Going out with friends, participate at running events, cinema, etc. That all disappeared.

I looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw at all. So now is the time to change. I finally get my tattoos done and want to do more fun things in general.

I also like to do more things with hubby as after almost 10 years we drifted apart. Sadly we are no more than parents, not a couple and that’s not how a relationship should be. The good thing is, that our love is still there so we just sail through the storm until we hit the sun again!

So a change is to come and I am looking forward to it!

Franky

Perception of Joker

Yesterday hubby and me watched the new ‘Joker’ movie and it was great and sad and disturbing and I could identify with the character in so many ways…

Many of us have seen ‘Joker’ movies before and in general the character of the ‘Joker” is a mental person, a twisted one, an evil persona or so it seems on the first look.

When I watched the movie the person I have seen was a deeply sad person. A man who felt invisible to society, to people around him, to women to everyone really. I felt that people would look down at him, laugh at him and no matter how hard he would try, it would never seem enough to be accepted or appreciated or just be honest with him!

How many of you felt that way before? How many of you felt alone? How many of you thought, you are not good enough…. at work, at relationships, friendships….? How many of you felt mistreated? How many of you felt unloved and not pretty enough only because you do things different or think in an unconventional way? How often have you thought, you will never be better or overcome your ‘working class status’?

In today’s world people look at you and judge you in the first few seconds, they make up their mind without putting the effort in, in getting to know you. What for a sad sad thing to do, I hang my head in shame for everyone who acts this way!

Nowadays the first reaction when people hear that someone has mental health problems like bipolar or a form of schizophrenia, ADHS, anxiety and lots of other things is disgust or comments like “they should get their act together”! Why not show a bit compassion, why not ask the person next to you how he/she is doing? Why not ask yourself if you yourself is right in the head? Aren’t we all a bit mental? Don’t we all have problems? For some their problems might be nothing major, for others it might be the end of the world….

So here I sit now, reminiscing…. and let me tell you the following:

I don’t know you, I don’t know your story but I know you are out there and I feel for you! It might not be today or tomorrow, but the day will come where you see the light in the end of the tunnel and you will feel better! And whoever tries to tell you, you are not right or not good enough, do not listen to them! You are unique and perfect in every way and you are loved and you will be cherished! You might not know it now or not have found the one just yet, but there is someone who can’t wait to meet you and give you what you are looking for and what you deserve! Don’t forget to breathe, do smile, do laugh and make the best of life as you deserve nothing but the best!

Do not give up, ever!

Franky

 

 

Moving to Dublin

In my last post I mentioned, that I moved to Dublin.

Well I received a job offer for a post in Dublin. If I wanted it, I would have to move within 2 weeks to Ireland.

Of course I wanted this job!!! So I quit my old job and since I was still on probation, they couldn’t say anything regarding my sudden notice! They basically bit their own arse by treating me this way and now being short of staff…

As I was saying… oh yes:

I quit my job, found myself a very expansive room, booked a one way flight and not even a week later I was gone.

The plan was that the whole family would relocate to Ireland as my husband had a job interview as well…

I started my new position and the job itself was okay, nothing special, but the wage and the package that came with it was very appealing.

But as for Dublin itself:

No offence, dear Dubliners and everyone who grew fond of Dublin, it is not for me!

My assumption was, that people who lived there are either very rich or very poor and that you would only go to Dublin for work. Work either to get richer or purely to try to survive.

I mean, I booked a room in a landlords house for €850,- per month! And though the landlords where lovely, their house was filthy! Toenails on the living room floor, kitchen tiles, floors and jalousie caked with fats, huge full ashtrays all over the place and 24/7 smoking in all rooms with closed windows. What a delight.

I was viewing other properties closer to my work location for €450,- per month but one of the rooms for example, was shared with 3 (!) other girls without a proper cupboard or opportunity to hang up your clothes…. Sheer madness!

And it seemed to me, that there where more foreigners in Dublin than Irish. And I didn’t like the city at all, there was not much nice architecture, not much greenery or maybe it is because I am spoiled by Edinburgh and it’s beauty.

Also, I was constantly on my own. Even during my lunch breaks as my two new lovely colleagues had other lunch schedules.

I have been living in Scotland for a year now and I love running here in the mountains…. I thought we could do much better, find a better job, better opportunities….

But the reality is, you have to loose something in order to realise how much you miss it.

In my case:

I just missed my family and Scotland.

So one morning when I was packing my things to move to another room, I thought:

I am constantly on my own, the people around me at work are so loud, I can barely concentrate, I hate all this tarmac and the hectic of this city, my children are crying after me, my husband missing me as well-

It’s not worth it! I quit!

So I phoned up my husband and said “how would you find it, if I just quit my job and come home?”

And that’s what I did! Without further hesitation I cancelled the new room, emailed my notice and booked the next flight back home.

Yes, we lost money and it was probably stupid to quit a job without having a new one but you know what?

You can’t buy happiness and where is the point dragging yourself to a job you don’t fully enjoy in an area you dislike so much?

But I needed to do this as otherwise I would have always asked myself ‘what if?’

I’d rather spend my time playing house wife, taking care of everyone and everything, but hey how, news, we need the money!

So I applied for some jobs and just wait and see what happens.

Franky

Parenthood is so hard…

I have been a parent for almost 18 years now. Longer if you count the pregnancy as well.

When my first born arrived it felt just right. I loved my son straight away despite the fact that he looked like a very red spotty beetle. Motherly love, eh?

When my second one arrived 1 year and 5 month later it was love again, not at (first) sight as she looked like a sumo wrestler baby but fortunately she outgrew that very quickly.

Having them both together was fun and for a long time it was only us, the three musketeers. We had our routine and were happy. But it was also very exhausting and there were days when I had to lock myself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes for a good cry….

Than 10 years later a second beloved daughter arrived and oh she was perfect! I had given up on the fact that when my children are born they have to grow into beautiful individuals but she, my Cailleach, was perfect!

Two years after Cailleach our second son arrived 6 weeks premature but strong and healthy given the circumstances and also so handsome!

Thinking I was exhausted when I had the first two, I can only laugh! Never had I such ferocious dark baggy circles under my eyes which on a daily basis said hello to my knees! I even cried from sleep deprivation as the two little monsters wanted nothing but mommies boobies and arms to be held 24/7 for over a year from the time they arrived.

But if you think toddlerhood is exhausting, wait until you have teenagers. Female teenagers to be precise.

They can be so stubborn, they have their own mind and ways and that is totally fine- as long you don’t live under one roof!

They can be so incredibly lazy that you want to pull your hair out or better theirs and only help around the house if you

a) threaten

or

b) pay them

or

c) well they usually don’t even blink an eyelash when it comes to help out anyway….

I know I should be more considerate, I should just let them be, but the thing is:

My 7 year old daughter is already developing the same attitude! SHE IS 7!!! And I just can’t have another one of this type! It is just too much with everything else going on like paying off a house, finding a proper job that makes me happy with a good wage, getting my garden done (spend hours so far gardening), trying to get the rest of my house done, trying to figure out how to pay for all this….

At the moment I just want peace and quiet. I don’t want to feel sad and tired and puzzled trying to figure out what to do and how to survive another day!

In an ideal world I would come home from a job I love to find my house clean and tidy.

In an ideal world I would be able to make breakfast and cook.

In an ideal world I wouldn’t have to worry about my children’s homework and education.

But this is not an ideal world.

I wished I could stop being a mum, just for a bit, to be able to breath and take care of myself…

I wished it would get easier, but it never does.

But we keep on marching and we keep on loving.

Franky

Orkney or Cork???

Last week I applied for at least 3 vacancies on beautiful Orkney island, mainland.

Yes I know, we just bought a house and I was lucky enough to finally find a job near where I live now….

If there wasn’t a BUT!

But, two things:

  1. There is not much more to achieve for me… I think… on the other hand, I could stick it out until another position as retreat manager or similar will open internally…. But I don’t think I want to work for the rest of my life in a retreat, managing a café and checking guests in and out… Don’t get me wrong, the location, my colleagues and the guests are all lovely…but:
  2. The wage I earn is not enough to provide for my family in case my husband would lose his job or even worse.

And after all we wanted to go Orkney anyway. No, let me rephrase that: I wanted us to go to Orkney! So here is me thinking, searching desperately for a job I love, where I can achieve more skills and where I finally finally settle, happy as Larry!

But it feels as if nobody wants to give me a chance. I apply for jobs but get one rejection after the other and it is very difficult to remain in my Franky-Everything-Will-Be-Alright-Bubble!

My husband says, all you need is the one person who believes in you and gives you a chance to prove yourself! Well it would be nice if that person would turn up!

And now another bomb which could change everything again:

My husband told me yesterday evening all nonchalantly that he applied for some vacancies in, and now here it comes, Ireland! Yes, Ireland!

How exciting is that???

So it might be my husband who moves away for a better job and not me.

However, I will keep you updated!

Franky