Category: Depression

Why is life so against me?!

I say it straight away, this is going to be a whining post! So if you areĀ  in a good mood, do not read any further, just leave, I won’t be angry!

At the present moment it feels like life is totally against me. Or maybe God has forgotten that I too, exist. Or he is just fed up with me, because I ask so many questions and beg him for so many things.

I don’t know as I never get an answer. Either that or I am just too blind to see the signs and/or too deaf to hear what he has to say!

Usually I am a very laid back girl in every aspect of life:

  • When someone cheated on me
  • When someone left me
  • When someone talked about me
  • When I got fired
  • When I had to move house
  • When friends/family turned on me
  • When getting lost in the woods or city
  • When the daughter things, she can wear make-up by the age of 12

Just life in general. I am just like “yeah happens…..” and I move on. Sometimes me moving on takes up to a few days but after that the sun is shining bright and just for me, as I am the centre of the world!

But at the current moment, no let me rephrase that:

For a while now, I am feeling pretty low, I would almost say even a bit depressed:

When it comes to money, it’s not fun! Do not take friends/family’s money, do not lend money! Pay your bills yourself and here we are:

It feels like I just go to work to pay our bills or for things which are really needed!

I actually wanted to pay of two major things by the end of this year, but we just got hit by another big bill and I can see no end.

I have belly aches, I can’t sleep though I feel constantly tired, I am very impatient (I thought I could not top that, but I am wrong, I successfully mastered myself out!) I don’t even exercise. Yes, you read right, I don’t exercise! Me! For a couple of weeks now, I am feeling that low!

I sit here and ask myself, “will it be like that for the rest of my life?”

Of course husband says, I should not worry and leave it to him, but his wage will not changeĀ  and mine got reduced due to less working hours (that does not help either!)

If I could, I would look for another job with more hours, but living in a small area, vacancies are rare, plus I can’t afford to drive somewhere to work as I still have a little one here at home.

Oh and did I mention, we’re going to move to Orkney early next year. We need to find a house on time. We also need to get the money somehow (see, MONEY, again).

I also won’t move house anymore which I am rather fond of, moving house that is. I like to see new places and don’t like to be stuck for too long. I moved house a lot in the past. On the other hand it might be time to have my own home. I just hope I won’t struggle for too long.

Why do I always have to walk the rocky path? Why can’t it be easy, even if it is only for a while?

AND… why does the money not grow out of my pockets???

Franky