I have to announce something.
I have to give some big credit to my husband for still loving me!
A while ago we had a big talk about what is going not so well in our relationship and what made me so unhappy.
All relationships, especially long term relationships have their ups and downs and with a bit of luck couples will make it through- together.
I told and asked my husband to be a bit more open minded when it comes to other guys and said that I wouldn’t have a problem if he would kiss another woman.
Now my husband does not want to share me! Of course not! I am awesome! I am a great catch and unique in all my little odd ways!
After such revelation, many a man would probably have showed me the door, thinking that I don’t love him. But love has nothing to do with the idea to maybe kiss another man/woman, it is the fun side that comes with it….
However. Like I said, my husband said “no” and I am sticking to it.
My point is:
Though I know that it is very easy to fall in love with me, it is also very hard to keep loving me because of the way I am, the way I (re-)act, the (sometimes hurtful) things I say and because of my selfishness!
But the man I have keeps on loving me despite all the above!
So, here I raise a glass to you:
I love you too!
I have a confession to make:
I must say, I find it really sexy to see (straight) men in women’s clothes!!!
Every now and again the show “Lip Sync Battle” pops up on my Facebook and of course you would see men perform songs of females, often dressed in accordance.
Most recently I have seen Tom Holland singing Rihanna and couldn’t stop grinning! And John Krasinski singing “Proud Mary”? Sexy as hell. And that despite the fact that both are not even my type! Sorry, Tom and John, I know you won’t mind! Tay Diggs performing Madonna? Oh, oh, oh….
Whenever I see such performances I just can’t help it! I am whooping and can’t manage to get that goofy grin of my face!
I think it is the fact that they don’t take themselves too serious and that they even seem to have fun, doing what they are doing.
The other day I have seen a 50 something gentleman in Tescos, rocking high heels and black leather mini, no make up. He looked good and the best thing: Nobody even batted an eyelash!
I wonder does that make me a geek? Because I like everything that is not conventional? Because I love extremes?
Who knows? Who cares?
So often we hear of influencer. People talk about them on the radio, tv shows, they are mentioned and even suggested in magazines.
And every time I wonder. Why do these people exist?
Do we really need others to suggest lifestyles? What to wear, what to eat, what to think?
Have we forgotten how to use our own brains? Do influencers really want copy cats?
We don’t need to look at other people to decide what for a person we wanna be.
You want to wear bogey green shorts with a peachy fluffy blouse and combat boots? Go for it!
You want to do things your own way and don’t want to budge from your opinion? I am all for it!
You want to get piss drunk for no good reason? I am coming right over!
Don’t let other people define you!
Don’t let them tell you how to live your life! The reins are yours alone, you lead the way!
Just be the best person you want to be! That is all that matters!
… another year where I can pat myself on the shoulder for keeping my 4 children +one alive. The +one is my foster teenager who also happens to be my daughters boyfriend, just for clarification.
Yes, my children, hubby and me all survived another year of arguments, laughs, temper tantrums, tears, joys…. phone calls from teachers telling me that my daughter pulled other girls hair, that my 6 year old son, brought £20 to school for snack time, that my other (foster) son received a demerit for…. whatever! Who cares?!
What I want to say is:
We all do our best to make it through parenthood without loosing all our marbles!
To all who have very well behaved children:
Well done! I am so glad that you have a worry less in your life! I mean it!
To those who have wild, loud, lively children like me:
I salute you, you deserve a medal! And a huge glass of whiskey! Your children will survive and you will master every storm that surely will hit you (and me) in the future!
To our children:
Hey, you made it through another year with the two people who you think are old, deranged party pooper. Don’t be too hard on them, it might not look like it, but they do actually love you!
One thing we should never forget whether well behaved (whatever you classify well behaved) or not, we love our children, they are our blood, they will remain until we parents turn to old wrinkly raisins. They will survive us and march on with their own children, thinking back in a nervous breakdown what it was like when they were little!
As for the coming Mother’s Day: This is the only day were my children are complete and of course unpaid slaves without reward who have to jump to my every whim. I do not want any gifts, flowers or cheesy cards, but a clean house and my food brought to the sofa I will be residing on all day long! It has been like this in the past and it will go on like this until I change my mind which will be….. NEVER!
Usually, or often, it is us women who blame the men that they don’t want to commit, but here I am, still sitting in my stripy blue/white cotton short pyjamas, holding my hands up, admitting that I have commitment issues!
I might even go so far as to say, I am a commitment phobe!
When you think of commitment, you think (romantic) relationships. Well okay, let’s start there:
Before my husband, I have been in relationships. Some longer, some maybe just a couple of month, weeks even. At some point I either got bored ore annoyed or I cheated which meant I would walk out of the relationship anyway. However, at some point I was told, I don’t have a heart because I just didn’t want to fully commit to the relationship. What was the reasonable thing to do? I walked away. All I ever wanted was easy peasy relationships and if that didn’t work out, even after a (lame) attempt to fix it, I just quit. Someone once proposed to me. The way and the ring was all wrong but I went with it at first. But every time I looked at the ring it made me sweat, I felt physically ill even thinking about being married (to that guy). I just couldn’t do it! I didn’t want this!
And even now that I am (happily) married, I often find it hard to stay committed which has nothing to do with wanting other men or romantic feelings it has more to do with me just wanting to do what I want, when I want. But when you are married, and you have children and a house together, you can’t just walk away when something annoys you, you have to work it out which sometimes can drive one (me) mental. And of course there is the thing that I am a flirt which drives hubby to his ends wits. But hey I am what I am, just can’t help it.
Am I committed to my friends? Here I can give you a big fat YES! I am loyal to my friends and I know they know it! Though sometimes I fear because of the distance some of my friends could just befriend other nice people…. hahahaha who am I kidding here?! There is no better friend but me! Ts, the thought alone….
But except from friendships I can’t seem to commit to anything!
I can’t commit to a hairstyle or length. I think I had almost every haircut possible in my 40 years.
I also can’t commit to a style clothes wise. I wore everything from hippie, to punk, 50s 90s….But one thing I never do: I never go with the latest trend. The things you currently find in my cupboard is lots of Fred Perry, skirts and long floaty dresses. And cashmere cardigans and jumpers. No jeans! And only two Fred Perry chinos for terrible weather.
When it comes to jobs it is the same thing: I studied to become a legal secretary but after 3 years I got trained to become a piercer. Two years ago I studied to become a sports massage therapist. Do I still work as a therapist? Of course not! Past summer I went to Ireland for work. I left after 2 month because I didn’t like Dublin (sorry Dubliners). Now I work in hospitality again and the only thing me not leaving is because the drive is only 25 minutes! I received an invitation for a job interview (two days ago) as a typist in Edinburgh city centre. I did not reply… yet. It would be more money, but also far more travel time. I would need to get to the next train station as everyone who ever went to Edinburgh in morning rush hour does understand why I don’t want to drive. Awful. Just awful. I mean if I switch jobs again, my CV looks like I do nothing but job hopping… Decisions, decisions…
A place to live? I can’t even commit to that! Yes, we bought a house and the area is lovely. But I would love to go much further north west! I feel restless thinking about living here for the rest of my life! I thought it’s what I want, what I need. But once again, I am wrong. I love moving house, I love seeing new places.
I can’t even commit to my WordPress. Instead of writing and committing to one topic, I write about everything and nothing.
Maybe commitment in my case equals boredom. Or maybe the feeling that if I commit I am stuck and don’t move forward.
Life is full of exciting opportunities and I just don’t want to miss out on anything, I guess. Does it make me sad that I can’t commit? No! I like the way I am! I am full of life and want to take it all!
So I try to keep on running. I mean, flying! Flying sounds much nicer. Flying wherever the wind blows me!
Two days I received not one, but two odd commentary from two different people.
When I was sitting at the hair dresser’s, we were talking about my hairdresser’s life, what she did before and when we came to children, I told her I have 4.
“4!!! Children?! 4??? You are married? Really? I thought you are single the way you look….”
I know, (she said so herself) she meant it in a nice way, but I wonder:
Am I not marriage material because I am heavily tattooed? Don’t I look like the type who could be married? I found that really odd.
Forward hours later:
My sister phones me. We updated each other what happened in each others lives in the past week and so I told her all proud, that I finally got my throat tattooed. And so she says:
“You still get tattooed?!?” She sounded really surprised, maybe even a bit shocked.
Why wouldn’t I still get tattooed? Are only people under 40 are allowed to get tattooed? And/or people with less than 4 children? Unmarried single human beings? I don’t even look 40! Usually people would say I look 30!
Maybe it was just her overall stuck up opinion on how to live your life. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I wished I could see her on a daily basis, but we are two very different people so I don’t hold her odd comment against her… but it still made me wonder.