Category: Beauty

Baby Boom

For many years I wanted more children. My ideal picture would have been four children all very close in age.

But of course that didn’t happen because another pregnancy could be dangerous for me. When I was pregnant with my last one, I had a hidden rupture and was in hospital from 27 weeks onwards. At 34+0 the doctor made the decision to not wait any longer and so Cash was born.

The risk that this happens again is there, but the longer one waits the better the chances to carry the baby to term… and Cash was born almost 7 years ago.

So there I was, finally getting to terms of not having more children. I was single and thought I will be for a very long time but fate had other things in mind.

Now that I am so deeply, madly, crazy in love I am back to square one. I look at my boyfriend and know I want to have his baby!

Like a good girl does, I am taking my prenatal medication in the hope I still have some eggs left and dream about what could be, even already decided on baby names. Mental, I know, I know!

I am much older now. I had my firstborn when I was 22. Back then I said “I won’t have children after 30”! Now I am 41, am relaxed as someone can be and know what and what not to do when it comes to pregnancy and raising children. I don’t feel like I am too old to do this again.

Do I look forward in getting bigger and suffering from morning sickness and being tired all day long? Of course not!

But I am looking forward to bring new beautiful life into this world!

Of course I don’t consider me a pro but I am doing the best I can.

I am excited and hopeful and am looking forward to the future…


I Think My Ego Is Gone

My beloved huge ego… it’s gone. Flew away with the four winds the second I met my other half!

It’s funny how we act differently in every relationship.

In previous relationships I would have always acted like I am Gods gift. If it was over with a guy I would cry for two, maybe even three days and move on. If I had something to say I was quite bland. I spoke my mind without thinking about whether I hurt his feelings. I would still do my thing as if I was single.

Now for the first time ever, I actually wonder if I am enough for my man. I wonder if he will still love me in a couple of years or move on with someone else.

Back then I didn’t give a flying poop when I heard stories of former lovers, now it kind of bothers me and I can feel myself tense up.

I am not insecure and I am perfectly happy in our relationship. I think those thoughts pop up because I genuinely care and love him so much.

I guess if you really love someone it comes naturally to please your man/woman and I am really enjoying it. And when those thoughts are floating around my mind it is a sign of not taking him for granted.

So I am okay with my ego having a party somewhere else with someone else. I don’t need it anymore.



This year’s halloween wasn’t what I would have expected.

For 19 years I have been celebrating it with my children. This year however I didn’t get to spend my favourite day of the year with them.

My older ones do their own thing and the little ones had plans with their dad already…

I celebrated it with one laughing and one crying eye.

One crying eye because I miss my babies so much and the routine we had is gone.

On all hallows eve, or halloween, we would decorate the house inside and out, put the carved pumpkins with candles outside the door, put candles in all windows and the kids would go trick or treating. Now trick or treating wasn’t going to happen anyway, but there was no decoration, no sweeties and watching “Hokus Pokus” with the little ones…

And one laughing eye because I knew that this is the only day where the dead can cross the border to come back and spend time with us. That is the only day I get to spend time with my grandparents. I know you will think I am cuckoo, but I strongly believe in this!

But the good thing is, there is always a next halloween!


Finally Moved Out…

It’s done. I finally moved out and in with my new man who is incredible. He is hot and funny and kind and so much more.

On Monday I will start my new job and I am excited about learning new skills.

This is a much needed new start.

The only thing missing are the babies. I miss them and wished they could be here with us already. Of course I miss my older babies too… but they don’t need me anymore… not really.

I think the babies need a new start as well. My little daughter is not doing well in school at all. Probably caused by the divorce of darling ex and myself.

Ever since she joined her new school, she got bullied. Not all the time and I am sure most of the teachers do their best to speak to all involved but it got to the point, that (apparently) she is quite aggressive towards other children and she does not follow tasks during class.

Like me, my children never found real friends in Callander. It’s always a back and forth. And we all know what children can be like. Once they pick on someone, they keep on doing it and so I believe a new school might be a good idea.

Unfortunately finding an affordable home in good old Scotland can be difficult when you have a specific budget. The nicer the area, the higher the rent from a private landlord. And council houses? The demand is high and the waiting lists for new builds already endless…

My favourite time of the year, autumn and winter, has finally arrived but I can’t really fully enjoy it so far.

I haven’t felt so good recently…. couldn’t exercise which is a big deal… my babies are not around….my kitties are at the old place…..another lock down is possibly looming…

But I am loved by my man, by my children and friends and that outweighs the negatives.

I march on because that is the only way I have ever known.

And as long I have love in my life, it’s worth fighting for my dreams and hopes.

What more can someone ask for???


I Don’t Like Sunny Days

Today I found myself in a park in Perth, walking my man’s dog. It was a beautiful sunny day in good old Scotland. Blue sky, next to no wind and mild.

And I looked gorgeous! For those who would like a specified description of my todays look, here you go:

Curly brown chin length mop of hair, black knee length wool Fred Perry dress, knee length socks that says “never grow up” from Oilily, black leather ankle boots from Vivobarefoot, knee length checkered wool coat from Me&Em with matching knee length scarf and blue and red Mulberry leather, over the shoulder handbag. E voila!

So while I was walking the dog, or rather the dog walking me as she only listens at her convenience, I was loudly sighing my heart out.

I just couldn’t enjoy the day! Why? Because I was alone!

And that is the thing:

Ever since I was a little child, I could not keep myself busy for a longer period of time. I get so, so, bored.

It doesn’t matter what I try to do:

From walking the dog, excising or shopping-

The whole time I am thinking “I wished someone would keep me company”.

I know, I know, pathetic. But that’s what it is.

I am spoiled and high maintenance.

Lucky me I am back home now, the tea is cooking on the stove and my other half is coming home soon.

Tomorrow will be another, more exciting day!


Every Relationship Is Different

I don’t know how you handle a new relationship but for me, every relationship is different.

I… act different in every relationship. What I mean is, I don’t make the same mistakes I did before because I want things to work out!

When I was younger, I was very jealous. Now I just think to myself:

If he loves me, he will stay and if he doesn’t he was not worth my time and attention!

I don’t try to change my partner. I fell in love with him for the way he is! And if you really can’t live with the way he/she is, ask yourself if you truly love that person.

I don’t hold grudges. I let go of that habit a loooong time ago. Talk it over, fix whatever bothers you and forget about it. Live in the now, look forward to the future and don’t look back, that’s what I do!

But what is most important to me, is not taking things too serious and see the glass half full!

The above are just a few examples. I made so many mistakes, too many to count. But that is okay!

We are all looking for THE ONE whether we like to admit it or not. Making mistakes in relationships is normal. thats how we learn and make it better next time. If there is a next time.

But sometimes, sometimes we do all the right things and there is no need to move on and that’s when it is love.


This Is How You Repay My Kindness?!?

“…This is how you repay my kindness…” is one of the worst lines you can say to your child!

If your parent ever said something like that to you, let me tell you this:

It is not a job to be kind to your child, it is a privilege!

Every parent should shower their offspring with love and cuddles and hugs and laughter and so much more!

I know it can sometimes be difficult… parents and children clash, some more, some less but in the end think about what you have been like when you where a child. Probably just the same.

And only because your child does things differently from you, doesn’t mean it is wrong.

All roads lead to Rome, you know?!

Take me, for example:

My family abroad pretty much dislike me because I chose to do whats best for my children. Because my way of doing things is very different from theirs. It’s sad that is has always be like this but in the end I like to believe that they will come around.

My older children don’t like me very much either at the moment because I split up from their dad. Again I like to believe that in the end they will see and realise that this was the right decision for me and possibly for all of us.

Yes, there are things we don’t like about our children but the important thing is this:

We created a wonderful child that is perfect in his or her own way! And we love this child and that outweighs the tiny not so nice things.

No one is perfect. If that was the case, this would be a very boring world, don’t you think?


Comfortable Silence

I have been with my new, beautiful, hot man for a couple of weeks now and everything is perfectly fine.

One more week to go and I am moving to his for good. Every now and again I moved some of my possessions over…

We do things like every other couple. From being lazy all day long watching Netflix to meeting family and of course, spending lots of time in bed as we are on holiday at the current moment.

We are so comfortable with each other that we don’t need to talk non stop which I find quite relaxing for the mind.

It’s what I call comfortable silence. Being with each other, not saying a word without feeling awkward.

That’s nice.

I don’t feel the pressure searching for a topic to talk about. I just look at him all goofy with my pink glasses on and everything is alright.

You guessed it, we are of course still in our honey moon period and I couldn’t be happier.

In a weeks time I am going to move in and start my new job right away which is all very exciting.

My new sexy-legs-hot-man asked me yesterday when we where on our way back from the Isle of Skye, if I was sure I really wanted to do this as he does not want me to regret my choice.

Baby, in case you read this:

Of course I am 100% certain this is what I want because you are what I need! I don’t care about a fancy big house and posh cars and expensive clothes as long as you are by my side, all is good. All is as it should be!!!


Your First Love Is The Greatest?!

It is said that apparently your first love is the greatest. But if your first love is the greatest, why does it not last (in most cases)?

I like to believe the greatest love is the one you stay and grow old with. Someone you genuinely love and can’t imagine your life without him or her.

Like all/many of us I met my first love at a very young age. Of course it didn’t last which proves that he wasn’t my greatest love!

Many times before I had crushes and every now and again even huge crushes. And yes I even got married as at the time it felt right. But never have I believed in love at first sight or the term “soulmate”….

….until now!

From the first time I saw his pictures on his profile to the first hug and kiss, I just knew!


I never felt this way before.

Everything feels right, everything is easy going! And the most important thing to me, I can be as wild and free and geeky as I want and don’t feel restricted in any way.

I love everything about him and I wouldn’t change a single thing!

I want to grow old with him and turn into raisins, racing each other in our wheelchairs- possibly in snail pace!

That, my friends, is called “greatest love”!

Isn’t it awesome to be in your very own love bubble?!