Author: Franky tells it like it is

So this is the "About Me" part: I was born and raised in Germany. So bare with me, if some sentences come out funny as my mother tongue is not english! I am an armee wife and mother of 4 children. Currently we live in North Yorkshire. But believe me, I will not leave this beautiful island ever again!!! I have two years time (we have the year 2015) to figure out what to do with my life! After summer 2017 my youngest one Cash will go to school and that means, I have to find a job. Not because I need to (well maybe partly, because it is always good when you have some extra cash on the bank) but because I am looking for a purpose in life! Don´t get me wrong, I had a lot of jobs from secretary (hmmm... a bit boring), maid (I don´t mind cleaning hotelrooms, but if you have to fight for the rooms with your colleagues it is no fun), piercer (no one can work as a piercer forever), lots of other jobs till check-in agent for airports (very stressful, but best job ever). But nothing I did satisfied me, I always thought there must be more! So maybe, just maybe I am talented enough to build something up here, write for magazines or who knows what to make a living. And if not, if people think I am boring or not talented enough at least I can write about my life and thoughts! But what I do know, what I really want to do is to become a ultra marathoner!!! Currently I am a half marathon level, but I will train until I reach my goal!!! Giving up is not an option! So read my blog, leave comments, get in touch, follow me on my journey!

My beloved tinnitus…

…I really wished you would go away!

You are not my friend!

I don’t like your thumping sound in my ear!

Especially not when someone is working, hammering or is doing other noisy stuff next to me!

One day I will find a doctor who knows what he/she is doing and that will be your death!

I hope I made myself clear!

And just to clarify it:

You are annoying, you are not welcome and you better leave this instant!

Also no, I do not wish you farewell!

Franky

Worst

The blue in your eyes became a storm

And the fierce fire that has burned within you

Is snuffed out by sheer madness

While your body is violently trembling like a leaf

 

Shaking from a lovers fading touch

Your flesh still burning

From the remaining bits of love

A distinct scent kisses your shoulder

And endless memories are pumping through your veins

 

The hollow reflection that stares back at you

From a sea of sadness

Tells you to keep on breathing

Breathing breathing

 

Gone is the ones so bright light

Replaced by never ending dark nightmares

Enveloping you like a cozy blanket

 

Though my eyes  have seen it all

And my body felt it

I don’t know fear

Not anymore

Appreciation

I came to realize that I did not appreciate many precious moments I experienced!

When my teenagers where little, all I wished for was them to grow up a bit faster to be more independent.

I felt tired all the time, and every day was just a rush. Rushing to kindergarten, rushing to school, rushing to work…

And before I knew it, my babies turned into teenagers… literally in a blink of an eye and what did I do? I did it again:

When I clashed, as so many times, with my teenage daughter, I wished for her to be older so that she could move out and live her own life.

That is an awful thing to do!

I should have tried to spend more time with them, should have cuddled them more and told them, how much I loved them, I should have surprised them more often with little things or picnics. I should have done that every single day until now and every day coming!

If we are lucky, children live at home for 18, maybe 22… or even 25 years and compared to a (hopefully) long life, that is nothing! Nothing!!! It is such a short time you get to spend with them.

If you are lucky, they love you enough to phone and visit you on a regular basis. And if you are really, really lucky, they even live close by, so that you also get to see your grand-babies!!!

SIGH…. big SIGH….

When I was not working because the children where too little, all I did was complaining because I didn’t get to go out of the house. Complaining how bored and isolated I felt.

Instead I should have been happy about the fact, that I am actually be able to spend so much time with my children, get to sleep more and do what ever I want.

And I know I should show my husband more affection. I know I should miss him when he is away because one day, he might not be around anymore and I might regret my (non-) actions.

In this case it is not funny how my perception has worked out for me. No, it is rather sad.

But this is life and life never goes the way we want it to.

Guess, I keep on trying, trying to be the best mom and wife I can be. Trying to make it better and trying to make the best of life.

Franky

Partner?!?

Ok, so whooooo of you didn’t keep me posted?!

A few times now it happened that I was introduced to or that someone was talking about their partner.

Partner? I thought.

When I hear someone talking about their other half and is regarding to him/her as partner, I wonder if that person is

a) the  same sex or if

b) they are talking about a business partner?

Do the 30 something do that now, referring to our beloved one as partner? And if so, how come I missed this?

Is it outdated to introduce your partner (I still didn’t get over it) as your boy/girlfriend?

Or is introducing your partner as boy/girlfriend seen as immature? Is this an adult thing?

I mean, I have a husband so I introduce him as husband (I don’t think there is another term for it, or is there?!).

But still, it bothers me.

Guess I keep on wondering.

Franky

 

WordPress- the gym membership

Yesterday I realized, that WordPress has become my gym membership.

Some people sign gym memberships and after some time, they just don’t turn up anymore but keep on paying!

That is exactly me at the  moment!

I went from posting a couple of times per week, to every once in a while, which I think is bad!

But I guess I just don’t have much to say…. or maybe I have something to say, but don’t find the time because I am too exhausted or have 3 million other things to do which have priority!

Maybe I should call it a day….

Or maybe I should call life a day!!!

Franky