It Is My Fault

My marriage failed and though I ended it, it is totally my fault!

When I met my husband, he was a happy and carefree guy, but over the years I made him really miserable…despite the fact he says it was the best years of his life!

We know what went wrong along the way, we tried to fix it. Believe me, we tried so many times and for a while it would be all okay but than it would start all over again and in the end I couldn’t take it anymore.

My feelings are so far gone, they will never come back and so I broke my husbands heart and quit. I am usually not a quitter! I fight till the very end. But unfortunately there is nothing left to fight for.

And it really pains me to see him so sad, but I can’t pretend to be someone I am not. I just can’t as it would feel like a lie and I don’t lie and he doesn’t deserve to be lied at.

Of course I still feel affection for him and want us to be a family and do things together. Just not on a romantic level or couple level.

Nobody except our two older children knows, yet. I might just tell the whole world here on my blog, but no one in my family or friends read my blog…. We didn’t tell the little ones because we still get along very well and live under one roof. And we don’t want to put them through the pain.

And when someone separates, gets divorced, splits up, it is never a happy occasion you want to shout from the rooftops…

Yes, sooner or later we will tell, but for now we wait until everything smoothes over a bit. And yes, sooner or later I will move out with the little babies as my husband pays the mortgage and so of course he will keep the house and that is okay!

Once again I have been selfish. I put myself, my happiness, first and in the long run probably made everyone unhappy, but it felt like I couldn’t breath anymore.

All I know is that I will be a far more better friend to my husband than a wife. I know it is not what he wants, but he will realise it will be what he needs! He knows what I am like with my friends, I do most anything for them!

He puts on a brave face most of the time, but I know he isn’t in a good place and I want to kick myself in the backside for not warning him when we met.

It is so easy to fall in love with me! But what you really need is a very thick skin and tons, tons and tons of patience! I guess I am just too wild, or call it immature, it is what it is.

I didn’t make any future plans, yet. I just want all of us to be happy as a family.

My husband is not to blame here. Yes, I accused him of being way to jealous and controlling, but would I have given him the attention he so badly needed he wouldn’t have behaved the way he did. So this is on me!

He is a great guy and though he doesn’t want to hear anything about it, one day he will meet a great woman who deserves nothing but the best- and that is him!

Franky

3 thoughts on “It Is My Fault

  1. I’ve been a regular reader of your blogging for a what feels like an age and always find it refreshing, amusing, interesting and always worthwhile and I wondered if all was well given the nature of some of your recent posts. I sincerely hope that you and your family find a good, constructive and positive path forward and should you ever feel the need to vent a spleen at someone I’d be happy to listen while running along one of those muddy trails I’m often found on.

    Take care

    UltraBoy

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m very well mostly thanks kindly and it’s an open offer – I know sometimes there’s a benefit in just blasting a trail and brain dumping on someone who doesn’t know the innermost details of your life. Give me a shout just whenever you need.

        P

        Like

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