Some of you might have read in a previous post, that I ended my marriage for good. The biggest problem my husband had… wait a bit… my husband doesn’t seem to be appropriate anymore. What shall I refer him to? Ex husband? Ex? Darling ex? I think I will refer to him as darling ex, as we are still on good terms and don’t hate each other! Okay, now back to the actual topic:
What darling ex couldn’t live with, was me being quite flirty. I told him over and over again, that flirting to me is nothing but hot air and banter between two people. I even flirt with women without thinking anything sexual, it is just fun. Let me give you an example:
The other day I walked up to a colleague. He said: What do you want? I replied: Nothing but your hot body, but a big pack of toilet paper will do for now! He: And here I am thinking you want me, but toilet paper seems more important. Me: Well, you can’t have everything!
See? Just two people having a giggle!
And come on, this is Scotland, this is the UK! This is the land of charming gentlemen and women of all ages and sizes!
But I think, I wasn’t the main reason for jealousy here. It was rather the fact that he was cheated on before he met me. I know things like that sting, but only because you got mistreated before, doesn’t mean, that the next person is the same. Or that the cheating person cheats again. It just wasn’t meant to be, the paring was not right.
If I was really into each and every person I have flirted with, I would be more famous than Giacomo Casanova!!! Maybe I should make my flirtations a reputable business! I would be a millionaire by the end of the year! Ha, what am I thinking?! A multi millionaire! And when I really like someone, like I-Want-To-Get-Into-Your-Boxers-Like, believe me, I make that very clear! There are no doubts about this!
There where other little things, like me being extremely spontaneous, me leaving the house without notice, and me not wanting to change my ways. Probably a 1000 other annoying things, who counts?!
What I couldn’t live with anymore was him, and that is how I perceived him even though he doesn’t, was that he was extremely controlling and jealous. He would log into my accounts like facebook, WhatsApp and I don’t know what else, snooping around, contacting people and threatening them, followed by interrogating me, what I am doing, who I am with, who I am talking to on the phone, who I am texting with, why I am not home from work, yet. That was, when he was triggered or felt threatened by someone.
The next thing from my perspective of view was, that he would come up with things, we already discussed, things that are in the past. Over and over again. Like a broken record. Or that he would talk forever to “sort things out”. I am not a person who likes to talk about her feelings. Just.Don’t.Do.It! I also might be one of the view women who when talked about something that bothers me, I will not bring it up again. I am like Dory- 2 seconds later I have forgotten all about it. And I hate to repeat myself. So why do it over and over again?! I didn’t have any new answers!
Yeah, we both promised to change. But we all know that people don’t change. Not really. Something, somewhen will come up, a trigger and bam, here we go again.
And though I might end up alone and dead one day, maybe even eaten by my desperate, starving cats (who of course will feel awful feasting on me) because no-one checked on me, ending it was the right decision.
In the end I felt like I have to censor my every move, everything I said. And this is so not me. Everyone who knows me, knows I always speak my mind. Now I feel much better. The pressure of trying to be a wife is gone, some weight is lifted off my shoulders. And anyway:
We are still young and hell, we are good looking! Someone will take pity on us and/or crazy enough to put up with all our beautiful flaws!