I have been a parent for almost 18 years now. Longer if you count the pregnancy as well.
When my first born arrived it felt just right. I loved my son straight away despite the fact that he looked like a very red spotty beetle. Motherly love, eh?
When my second one arrived 1 year and 5 month later it was love again, not at (first) sight as she looked like a sumo wrestler baby but fortunately she outgrew that very quickly.
Having them both together was fun and for a long time it was only us, the three musketeers. We had our routine and were happy. But it was also very exhausting and there were days when I had to lock myself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes for a good cry….
Than 10 years later a second beloved daughter arrived and oh she was perfect! I had given up on the fact that when my children are born they have to grow into beautiful individuals but she, my Cailleach, was perfect!
Two years after Cailleach our second son arrived 6 weeks premature but strong and healthy given the circumstances and also so handsome!
Thinking I was exhausted when I had the first two, I can only laugh! Never had I such ferocious dark baggy circles under my eyes which on a daily basis said hello to my knees! I even cried from sleep deprivation as the two little monsters wanted nothing but mommies boobies and arms to be held 24/7 for over a year from the time they arrived.
But if you think toddlerhood is exhausting, wait until you have teenagers. Female teenagers to be precise.
They can be so stubborn, they have their own mind and ways and that is totally fine- as long you don’t live under one roof!
They can be so incredibly lazy that you want to pull your hair out or better theirs and only help around the house if you
b) pay them
c) well they usually don’t even blink an eyelash when it comes to help out anyway….
I know I should be more considerate, I should just let them be, but the thing is:
My 7 year old daughter is already developing the same attitude! SHE IS 7!!! And I just can’t have another one of this type! It is just too much with everything else going on like paying off a house, finding a proper job that makes me happy with a good wage, getting my garden done (spend hours so far gardening), trying to get the rest of my house done, trying to figure out how to pay for all this….
At the moment I just want peace and quiet. I don’t want to feel sad and tired and puzzled trying to figure out what to do and how to survive another day!
In an ideal world I would come home from a job I love to find my house clean and tidy.
In an ideal world I would be able to make breakfast and cook.
In an ideal world I wouldn’t have to worry about my children’s homework and education.
But this is not an ideal world.
I wished I could stop being a mum, just for a bit, to be able to breath and take care of myself…
I wished it would get easier, but it never does.
But we keep on marching and we keep on loving.