Month: June 2019

Parenthood is so hard…

I have been a parent for almost 18 years now. Longer if you count the pregnancy as well.

When my first born arrived it felt just right. I loved my son straight away despite the fact that he looked like a very red spotty beetle. Motherly love, eh?

When my second one arrived 1 year and 5 month later it was love again, not at (first) sight as she looked like a sumo wrestler baby but fortunately she outgrew that very quickly.

Having them both together was fun and for a long time it was only us, the three musketeers. We had our routine and were happy. But it was also very exhausting and there were days when I had to lock myself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes for a good cry….

Than 10 years later a second beloved daughter arrived and oh she was perfect! I had given up on the fact that when my children are born they have to grow into beautiful individuals but she, my Cailleach, was perfect!

Two years after Cailleach our second son arrived 6 weeks premature but strong and healthy given the circumstances and also so handsome!

Thinking I was exhausted when I had the first two, I can only laugh! Never had I such ferocious dark baggy circles under my eyes which on a daily basis said hello to my knees! I even cried from sleep deprivation as the two little monsters wanted nothing but mommies boobies and arms to be held 24/7 for over a year from the time they arrived.

But if you think toddlerhood is exhausting, wait until you have teenagers. Female teenagers to be precise.

They can be so stubborn, they have their own mind and ways and that is totally fine- as long you don’t live under one roof!

They can be so incredibly lazy that you want to pull your hair out or better theirs and only help around the house if you

a) threaten

or

b) pay them

or

c) well they usually don’t even blink an eyelash when it comes to help out anyway….

I know I should be more considerate, I should just let them be, but the thing is:

My 7 year old daughter is already developing the same attitude! SHE IS 7!!! And I just can’t have another one of this type! It is just too much with everything else going on like paying off a house, finding a proper job that makes me happy with a good wage, getting my garden done (spend hours so far gardening), trying to get the rest of my house done, trying to figure out how to pay for all this….

At the moment I just want peace and quiet. I don’t want to feel sad and tired and puzzled trying to figure out what to do and how to survive another day!

In an ideal world I would come home from a job I love to find my house clean and tidy.

In an ideal world I would be able to make breakfast and cook.

In an ideal world I wouldn’t have to worry about my children’s homework and education.

But this is not an ideal world.

I wished I could stop being a mum, just for a bit, to be able to breath and take care of myself…

I wished it would get easier, but it never does.

But we keep on marching and we keep on loving.

Franky

Orkney or Cork???

Last week I applied for at least 3 vacancies on beautiful Orkney island, mainland.

Yes I know, we just bought a house and I was lucky enough to finally find a job near where I live now….

If there wasn’t a BUT!

But, two things:

  1. There is not much more to achieve for me… I think… on the other hand, I could stick it out until another position as retreat manager or similar will open internally…. But I don’t think I want to work for the rest of my life in a retreat, managing a café and checking guests in and out… Don’t get me wrong, the location, my colleagues and the guests are all lovely…but:
  2. The wage I earn is not enough to provide for my family in case my husband would lose his job or even worse.

And after all we wanted to go Orkney anyway. No, let me rephrase that: I wanted us to go to Orkney! So here is me thinking, searching desperately for a job I love, where I can achieve more skills and where I finally finally settle, happy as Larry!

But it feels as if nobody wants to give me a chance. I apply for jobs but get one rejection after the other and it is very difficult to remain in my Franky-Everything-Will-Be-Alright-Bubble!

My husband says, all you need is the one person who believes in you and gives you a chance to prove yourself! Well it would be nice if that person would turn up!

And now another bomb which could change everything again:

My husband told me yesterday evening all nonchalantly that he applied for some vacancies in, and now here it comes, Ireland! Yes, Ireland!

How exciting is that???

So it might be my husband who moves away for a better job and not me.

However, I will keep you updated!

Franky

Job OCD???

I recently discovered that I probably might have JOB-OCD, if there is such a thing that is!

Maybe you think it might be job hopping, but no, no no I don’t believe it is job hopping.

What I mean is, that whenever I achieved everything there is to achieve, my brain feels as if it is shrinking, followed by the need to want to gain more skills.

In order to gain more skills, I have to look for another job, a different job, a job with perspective or a job where I can progress for a higher position.

There must be a way to find a good paid job which I fully enjoy because there is so much new to learn.

I think that’s why I loved my job at the airport, working as a check-in agent. The wage wasn’t the greatest, but until I left (I got married and moved away) I was taught 3 different check-in systems for different airlines and intern was the possibility to switch to another department and I would have loved to be at the back-office, keeping an eye on all the flights and everything that comes with it.

So yes, I MUST have JOB-OCD, a never-ending thirst for new knowledge!

I wonder if you can cure this with medication….?

Awww the right job will come along sooner or later. Let’s hope sooner than later!

 

Franky

SSE Renewables Online Test

I recently applied for a job at SSE Renewables. It was sort of an apprenticeship and the training would take 4 years. Locations are north of Scotland as well as the Scottish islands.

For those who don’t now SSE, SSE works with energy, the post itself would have been mostly outside, working on sides which includes repairing things.

So I was asked to do an online test. So good so far.

But I failed the test, probably the second one. I was so disappointed. I am certain I did not take enough time to properly read the sample questions so when completing the actual test, it was more guessing than knowing the answers.

Which is my own fault as I thought I would not have enough time to complete it but let me tell you something:

I really, really wanted this job! It was what I was looking for for so long. Being permanently outside, repairing things and learning new skills. And I know I would have done a very good job!

There are people out there, who might not be good when it comes to tests, but would have passed when actually doing it in person!

I just wished this company would have invited me for a test day so I could have shown  them what I am capable of.

After all the job I applied for is a apprenticeship which means they have to teach me, right?

Apparently it wasn’t meant to be, but I am still gutted….

Franky