A couple of days ago my husband got quite frustrated with me. We where kind of arguing and he said something like
“why can’t I get through these walls?”
I heard this before. At some point, people get annoyed, angry or frustrated and say thinks like
“You just shut down”…..”why can’t I get through to you?”…. “your walls are so thick there is no way to break through”….
Sigh…. yes, I know that. But there is a reason for that!
Why do we built walls? Walls are there to protect.
And I am my own person!
I never wanted to get married, or maybe back then I have given up the hope of ever getting married because I just didn’t find love, real love, not just a “crush”.
When I met my husband and new I will spend the rest of my life with him, I have given up a lot.
I have given up my wild days…. given up to go on dates (well, you should do that if you are in a mutual monogamous relationship), given up to just book the next flight to see your bestie, given up to go out with friends and come home whenever you please…
And that is okay! Really!
What I did not sign up for is the “we”-part! I do not want, never was in the past and never will dissolve in a
“we don’t agree”, “we had so much fun at yours”, “we will think about it”, “did you like the pictures we posted (of course on his Facebook page as well!!!)?” –
sort of person.
I have my own mind, my own thoughts and the walls, the last remaining piece of me, is my sanctuary! The place no one ever will be aloud to enter!
I just need this. I don’t want to share this as well, that is a piece of me, who makes me, me. And I have to protect these walls!
I think everyone who is in a long-term relationship or simply likes some kind of self-protection knows what I am talking about.
We just don’t want to get hurt and/or to disappear. We want to remain true because we are proud of the person who stares back at you in the mirror!
If you are comfortable with it, let your guard down, but keep a remaining bit of wall just to yourself, no matter what others might say!