I can not let go

 

I was and probably will always be your favourite and that makes me smile as it makes me feel special. I have seen it in your eyes and heard it in your warm voice. It was your giggles I loved the most.

I can’t remember what you smelled like but the cloud of softness when you hugged me is still present.

You where there for me when no one else was. You put me straight and told me what was needed. You where and still are worried about me.

You are “old and tired” you once  said and I replied, “but I will need you forever, I don’t have anyone else but you”.

I have seen the sadness in your eyes when you looked at me, the lost child with the brave smile.

I miss being with you in the lively kitchen, miss our long conversations on the phone. I hear your voice, I hear your giggles, it is right there but I wished it was right next to me.

I know I have to let you go. But I am not ready. I would like to tell you, “it is okay. You can leave. I am able to stand on my own feed”.

But my heart is too heavy in my chest.

I am sorry, so sorry but I can not let go…

 

 

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