My One Mistake

Normally I am a person who believes in not regretting! I believe that we make mistakes to learn from  and later in time we look back and can laugh about it, make a face or just shake the head and say “happens”.

But my one and only biggest mistake ever was to meet the biological father of my two older children!

If I could go back in time, I would run in the opposite direction instead of getting involved with him.

I am not angry with him because he left me with back then a 1 1/2 and 3 year old, no, I am angry because he changed so much after the split!

I did my very best to raise my children to good polite human beings, I taught them how to tie their shoe laces, how to cycle and even how to swim. I helped them in school and drove them to friends… taught them  not to judge a book by its cover and so much more!

I worked to get food on the table, clothes on the children and a roof over their head.

And what did I get from him? No support whatsoever! No child support until recently (and even for that I had to beg and threat with a lawyer) only negativity and regular threats that he will go to the court to get the children.

And that from a person, who was always broke because he can’t handle money, sometimes didn’t even have a place to live and not even had regular long lasting jobs!

In front of others he always played the good caring loving father, but in real, he only saw the children 3 times PER YEAR!!! No phone calls or emails during the year, no letters. And now that we live abroad, it is only once per year.

But the worst, he involved my precious two innocent babies in our fights, just before when we moved house and once didn’t even want to bring them back!

My children did not have a clue what was going on, I always acted like everything was okay, never let a bad word slip my lips in front of them and what did he do? He talked with them about us! Twisted their minds, made them cry, told them lies…

Fortunately now that they are a bit older they have seen through his game.

I would have forgiven him all the above, but involving children in adult arguments? No! That is a big NO!

So yes, my biggest mistake is, that I met the biological father of my children and if I would be heartless, brainless and dumb like him, I would even say “no” to visits between them.

But I am a good mom, my children have to make up their own mind and decide whether they want to see him or not!

I know God is a loving person and forgives, but sometimes I wish, he would make a bus hit my ex very hard, reverse and do it again… I don’t wish him the death, of course not! But a bit of torture would satisfy me!


Thoughts on the one word prompt “mistake”

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