Yesterday I have seen one of my husbands colleagues and every time I see him, he reminds me so much of my ex best friend, they even have the same features and the day our friendship ended comes back to my mind:
I sat waiting on a bench and a good friend, let’s call her D. finally found out, why my best friend of 13 years suddenly disappeared from me.
D. said to me:
“He is in love with you… he doesn’t and can’t see you anymore…”
The very second she said those words, my face felt all hot and I had tears in my eyes which I could hardly swallow back and my heart, my tiny heart, burst into a million peaces, because I knew he called our friendship off for good as I could not love him the way he would like me to.
Sure, a while ago he said thinks like “why don’t I find a woman like you…”, but I didn’t give it further thoughts.
So yesterday this scene of that particular day was in my head again. How I tried to hold up the whole day and breaking down in the evening in bed…
It got me thinking, why on earth did he fall in love with me???
He knew me inside out, he has seen me on my lowest, knew my dark side, my weakness, all badness and yes, also my good side, but still, why did he fall in love?
I am being honest here, if it was possible to check a person before you get together, I don’t think I would want a relationship unless the desired person is almost flawless and we all know, those people don’t exist!
Let’s face it, a relationship means more or less hard work.
Does the humankind need all this fuss about open toothpaste… leaving laundry behind so that one can backtrack their every single step… dealing with jealousy… or frankly dealing with unnerving attributes?!
I don’t think so! Maybe it would be easier with just a friend-with-benefits…
Sigh, I know sooner or later love is always in the way.
Still, I think, why, oh why???
And though he also had unnerving attributes, I still miss my old bestie…
I’d like to be a tiny bit in love with you
Because you smell so much of joy, of lightness, of freshly cut grass
Let me be a tiny bit in love so I
Can hear your wonderful fairy tales
which make me shine like a rainbow
The butterflies are ready to come out to play
Oh how I love the feeling of their tiny wings flapping around
And it sounds like a melody in my head
Let me be a tiny bit in love with you
Because together we will jump much higher
My love will not last forever
But there is only one like me
Who will turn your world up side down
So let me be a tiny bit in love with you