I was told a few times, I should come and join a running club, see what it is like and every time my reply is
“Yes, I might”.
And I really mean it when I say it. But later on when the the deadline for the day comes closer, I find a million reasons not to go…. bad weather, maybe the other runners are much faster than me and I would hold them back… my running tights are not washed (all 5!) and/or I put weight on and can’t squeeze into them, are just a few.
Every time when I finish a good book, I put it in my cupboard to the others with the good intention to pass them on to my children. But after some time, sometimes even years, I start to sort books out, because my cupboard looks so untidy, the heavy weight could damage the wood, the books are not appropriate for the children and so on.
The same goes for clothes, I want to squirrel them away but start to feel uneasy with so many things I don’t wear anymore. Off to the next recycling bin.
Sadly the same happened with best friends. Only that they didn’t up in a recycling bin but then again, who knows? At some point even though I thought real friendships last forever, it came to a split. After trying and trying to make a friendship work, I just chucked them!
In the last 15 years I moved house 9 or 10 times. If I stay too long at some place I get nervous. I needed a change of scenery. I knew my surroundings. Why stay put?
Oh totally forgotten to mention the little voice in my head, or maybe it is a little devil sitting on my shoulder, saying when it came to boyfriends:
“Is that it? Was that all? Surely there must be more!” followed from THE SPEECH which always went like this
“I am sorry, but I don’t love you and this is me, splitting up from you!”
Exactly like that to make sure, they get it and know there is no way to talk me out of it!
I can’t even make plans. If I want to go shopping or for a trip, I decide a few hours or even only minutes beforehand. If I want to go for holidays, I decide just before the school term ends. Who knows what for other exciting possibilities are waiting for me?
Not even my skin care routine/products are the same long term wise. Maybe one day they won’t produce my current favourite items anymore and then what?!
So here you go, I say it all aloud:
I (think) I have commitment issues!!! But I am not unhappy about it because on the other hand, maybe it is just another way to keep the door open!