A few days ago a dear friend of mine send me an email. Because my friends all live overseas, we keep each other more or less up to date via email. Every now and then also via Whatsapp (voice-) messages.
However. I am reading her email about her life and so on and then all of a sudden she says, a friend of hers kissed her.
We have to dig a bit deeper here.
My friend is a beautiful intelligent lady who is in a long-term loving and happy relationship with a nice man. And the man who kissed her, was or still is just a good friend, or so she thought.
They where out in town at the weekend, preparing things for a party and on the way home they stopped in a park for a rest in the sun. So they put their shopping bags on a bench and before she knew what was going on he said
“I am sorry for doing this to you, but I just have to, even knowing this will be the only time…”
and then he took her face with both hands and kissed her! She kissed him back, but stopped quickly and moved out of his grip and before she could respond he said
“I know I am selfish and I shouldn’t have because you are in a relationship but I am feeling more than just friendship and I wanted just one kiss so I would not wonder for the rest of my life, what it would be like. It will not happen again, please don’t tell XY.”
She was so baffled, she didn’t know what to say…
So she send me her story, also telling me that she didn’t confess in her boyfriend. She said, she didn’t do anything to encourage him to kiss her nor did she realize that he’s got feelings for her.
Though, she admits it was a beautiful kiss, but she loves her partner.
Only thing she doesn’t know is whether to tell her partner or not.
Hm. That is a tricky situation because
a) she kissed him back. Her partner might ask, why she did kiss him back instead of stopping him in his tracks
b) it would cause a row between the three, because she kissed him back and both males are friends with each other as well and kissing another buddies woman is a no-go (we all know that)
c) if she doesn’t tell, she has to live with it.
If I was in her shoes, and I really love my partner, I wouldn’t tell him! Why causing a row? It was a meaningless kiss and if the other part wouldn’t have started it, it would have never happened. Why stirring something up? Do I have to make my partner feel bad or angry or even insecure about something I already have forgotten hours later because it was so irrelevant?
I did that once. I was 18 (I think) and as it happened, I kissed someone back, confessed in my boyfriend because I thought he should know. I told him it didn’t mean nothing to me (it didn’t) and what did I get in return?! Pure drama! Trust gone… though he said, he would forgive me. He didn’t! He let me know every time we went somewhere. He was so jealous it was pure madness him shouting at me even when another man only looked in my direction. In the end I just had to end it, I couldn’t take it anymore!
If she doesn’t want to hide even a “white-lie”, she might has to live with the consequences:
- A real man fight (yeehaaaaa where is the popcorn, the coke and a chair?)
- Accusations regarding why she kissed him back, of her causing it, of flirting with him…
- Trust issues
Do I want to give me the above mentioned when I am happy in my relationship? No I don’t and that is what I told her. But of course it is up to her.
How would you react if it would happen to you or your partner would confess something like that?