Why I Hid My Pregnancy

When I got pregnant for the very first time, it was a big surprise or more of a shock for my parents, I presume.

Back then I didn’t have the best relationship to my parents, still living at home I stood in front of the fridge, saying to my father

“…by the way, I am pregnant…”

Because my mother didn’t talk to my he must have told her… However I soon moved out and the relationship between us got better….

8 month later I was pregnant again. I was throwing up like a berserk would swing his ax. While my mother looked after my first born, I went to the doctor to confirm my hopes.

At home I told her,  I am pregnant and her first reply was

“You don’t want to keep it, do you?!”

Those two children where, despite my young age, planned and so longingly hoped for. I reckon every women knows the feeling. There are so many different feelings, so many hopes.

Did it work? Am I pregnant? Why am I not pregnant? Why did I get my period- again? Will my baby settle down properly, make himself home in my belly? Will he be healthy? Or will it be a she?

It is such an exciting time. Well at least the first few month. When you can’t wait for your bump to show just to wish at the end for the bump not to get even bigger as you already look like a huge wale with mumps… floating on the surface in a too small ocean!

When I finally found Mr. Right (the children’s birth father did a runner when they where 3 and 1 1/2), it was clear that we wanted two more children though there was a risk that my c-section scar will give me quite some troubles…

So when finally I fell pregnant again, I decided not to tell anyone! I just wanted to keep my mind free of negative thoughts from my family. I mean, which mother would say  “you don’t want to keep it?!” or a father who doesn’t show any signs that he is happy for his daughter?

And because family members knew about the risk another pregnancy would bring, there would have been a lot of gossip behind my back. I just didn’t want that. I wanted peace (at least as much I could get while vomiting for almost 7 month non stop) and be happy, enjoying (somehow) my pregnancy. It is fair to say, that the toilet and Vomex medication where my best friends during that time.

The least I needed where stupid comments like “don’t you think about your other children, what if you die?… what happens if…” and so on.

When you get pregnant you want support, you want reassurance that everything will be alright! You want people to be happy for and with you!

6 weeks before I was due I told my family and friends. My friends where a bit taken aback but happy for me. My sister understood, my mother was peeved, my father didn’t say much as per usual and when I told my grandma the same day they did the c-section  she laughed.

So when I fell pregnant for the last time, I told my mother after 3 month. My words where not even all out of my mouth, I already regretted them. My mothers reply “I wouldn’t have wanted another one…but if it is what you want…” SIGH…

I must say, I don’t regret that I didn’t mention my 3rd pregnancy. I even go so far to say, that I should have listen way earlier to my heart when it said

“Don’t tell, just do what makes you happy, never mind how they will react”

Because if someone loves you, he will understand!

Franky

2 thoughts on “Why I Hid My Pregnancy

  1. Oh! We must be sisters because I could swear my mother said the same words to me when I told her I was pregnant. Glad you and the children are healthy and safe.

    Liked by 1 person

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