I shouldn’t miss him but I do…

Just now I heard John Waite’s “Missing You” in radio and it always reminds me of once beloved people who are gone for good.

I love this song and it makes me smile and cry at the same time… We all met people in our lives who are not good for us and still we miss them.

It could be the ex partner who cheated and/or lied to us over and over again…

The so called best friend who talked badly behind your back and led you down in your darkest hour…

It could be a close friend who after years of friendship confessed he is in love with you and vanishes because you can’t love him the way he wants you to…

It could be your father or mother who  give you the feeling you are not wanted…

It could be your big brother who hurt you so bad, you just can’t forget the moment your heart broke…

I haven’t spoken to my brother in almost 14 years!

It was a silly argument. He was angry because I have been in his flat, though he has given me his keys in case I need something and he was angry because I didn’t thank a friend of his properly for something she gave me for my babies.

One word led to another… I didn’t say something nasty to him, it would have never ever crossed my mind and than he said what I will never  forget:

“…you are an unappreciative brat who can’t even say “thank you”…”

I had to turn around and walk out of the house so he wouldn’t see my tears, it felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. Never ever would I have expected him to talk to me like that!

I know it sounds trivial. I could have went back to tell him the way he has spoken to me was inappropriate and that he could have explained it in a calmer way…

But I am stubborn.

I am the little sister!

The little sister who always took care of him!

Who was always there for him when he fell out with friends and family.

Me who drove to him in the middle of the night to talk to him when he phoned me, weeping.

He is my big brother who should take care of me, he should give in and apologize for the way he talked to me…

But he doesn’t and neither will I.

Isn’t it ironic that people who are not good for you are still dearly missed?

Though he led me down so many times in so many ways, I always felt loved by him.

I guess it was because he felt lonely and empty just like me.

How happy would it make me to have him around… Even if it was just for a day… to laugh with him… to hang out with him… even have some drinks…just like old times… like brother and sister supposed to do… forgotten would be the grudge… forgotten the hurt feelings…. just for a moment…

Life is too short, we all know that, but we also know that sometimes it is better to stay away from people who are not good for us.


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