Like many women, I am nosy.
So this morning it happened. I was on a former best friends Facebook site.
Yes, I admit it, I like to spy on websites to see what they are up to, not because I wish them any evil, fat wards or anything like that. I am not a jealous person, never have been, never will be.
However. Back to my former best friend.
A family picture of her, her husband and their two little children. All dressed in blue. A picture taken by a photographer.
I never liked “fake” or posed pictures and back then we (her and me) would have laughed about such an petty bourgeois family pic!
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being bourgeois as long you are fine with it.
I just don’t understand what happened to our friendship and why and how we drifted so far away.
We have been friends since kindergarten time, have always been close even when she moved hours away. We talked about everything and always have been there for each other.
But then something changed. Slowly it started that she didn’t reply to phone calls or when I was heartbroken she said things like
“well it is your own fault when you always get involved with the wrong men…”
When you are heartbroken and think you will never ever fall in love again, you want to hear nice things, you want them to lie and say, it is all his fault…
Or when our car broke down she flatly said, “…just lease a new car…” Money was never important to her and she would have never put herself into debt.
And when we finally met (I usually visited her), she actually didn’t have much time, her husband and children always interrupted us.
I mean, when you didn’t see your best friend in a long time, you want to spend time together without any interfering!
There where so many things, too many to list but the biggest led down was when I got pregnant…. unfortunately I miscarried but she was so busy with herself… when she eventually phoned me to ask how the baby is, I told her there is no baby anymore…
If it would have been the other way around, I would have dropped everything and drive straight to her, but the only thing she said was, she is sorry…
Yes, I am sorry too but those are things, I just can’t forget nor forgive. So many things where I have shaken my head in disbelief…
Once you start to think,
I can’t rely on my bestie, I better phone someone else,
where is the point in keeping a friendship alive?!
We all grow up, we make up our minds, but do we all go in so different directions? If it was like that, it would be very sad.
As for me, I fought for our friendship, I really tried, but at some point I got very tired and eventually gave up. Giving up is not in my nature, but I was given no other choice, sadly.
Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, but I do hope and believe that somewhere out there is a genuine woman who wants and will be my bestie till the end of time!