Sometimes I ask myself “do you miss your old life?” And every time I do so, there is this scene in my head from the movie
“The Witches Of Eastwick”. In this scene Jack Nicholson asked Cher a lot of questions, tells her that she always does the same things day in day out
and she knows he is right and she is hurt and wants to cry and feel better all at the same time. I don’t know why, but really every single time I have this scene in front of my inner eye.
I do the same things every day. I get up, get the children ready, do the household, shop for food, walk to school, exercise, cook, go out site with the children and at weekends go somewhere with the family…
Sometimes when my little ones are around me, talking nonstop, disturbing me with something, it is like the time stands still and I go back to old times when I didn’t have children or when I had only my two older ones who where quite independent back then… and SIGH.
I think about the times, when I just phoned up friends… going out all night long for some drinks. Dancing all night in clubs. Going shopping just for myself, going to the sauna after a winter run and also (yes, I admit it) I loved the thrill, when you met a new man. The butterflies in the belly, the first kiss, the first sex. Sex with windows and curtains wide open as loud I wanted because there was no need to be discreet and quick in case children would bounce into the bedroom…
I think about the times when I traveled with a friend to London for shopping and clubbing, think about the time when I traveled to Ireland for a blind date.
When I think about those times I am often in the house, getting rid of the mess my family left for me and gritting my teeth telling myself, I shouldn’t be doing that!!!
Do I want the old times back? Do I really miss it that bad?
No, I do not. When I feel gloomy or angry, the endless lonely nights are totally forgotten, somewhere hidden deep inside me.
Who wants to be alone forever just for fun times? I don’t!
Fortunately I love my children and husband, I couldn’t wish for a better family though they often drive me mental, especially my teenage daughter who starts her attitude early in the morning or the little ones who constantly want something or my son with his gobshite comments. Yes they can be a handful and at the end of the day my head is throbbing. But that is nothing compared to lonesomeness.
And than there are a lot of moments where you look at your family, your children, your husband and you think how blessed you are! Those moments are priceless…
If I want some “me-time”, I can still go for a run saturday mornings. If I want to go out, either I start to make friends where I currently live (I really should do that) or fly to see my friends and if I want my butterflies to fly around in my belly I just pretend my husband is Colin Firth (just kidding, hehe)!
Thing is, if you want your old life back, make it happen and include your family as there is no going back in time!
But really, there is a whole life ahead of me, it can only get better, so I grab it! Who knows what tomorrow brings? It could be a million £££ win from the lottery, it could be the desired running tights all of a sudden on sale or it could be a nice tender kiss of my hubby to remind me where my place is- what more could I possibly need? Nothing if you ask me!
Enjoy your life today, don’t live in the past!!!