This early morning I was woken by a weird dream I had. I dreamed of my first love. I dreamed that he asked me “if you where single, would you take me back?” and I replied “No, because I waited far to long for you to come back to me!” Then it turned out he was a vampire and tried to corpse everyone around me. I don´t know if he succeeded because I woke up!
What for a weird dream! We all had our first big love we thought will ever last and to the ones who are still with their first love: CONGRATULATION! Really, I mean it from the bottom of my heard.
So let me tell you about MY first love:
I was sweet 13 and was standing during frist break in the school hall with my girlfriends talking. And than HE joined us, standing opposite me talking to the other girls but staring and smiling only at me. My heart was racing and I couldn´t get him out of my thoughts for the rest of the day. The following day I was all excited and hoped to see him again- I was in class 7 and he was in class 10, so back then he was 17.
The clock was ringing for the first break and in the hall I met him. He walked straight over to me asking me for a chat outsite. My heart was bumping in my throat, I was so nervous…
He was around 177cm, well-built, full lips (oh how soft his slips where), dark brown eyes, dark short hair and even his skin colour was a bit darker, (I so loved to touch his body); I loved his muscular arms! He was the boy every girl in our town wanted to be with but for some reason he wanted me. Me, the younger little slim girl with long brown hair and blue eyes…
This love back then was so big, I couldn´t be with him and didn´t know how to survive the day without him. We argued, split up and got back together a few times. He was always in my mind and for some reason it seemed, that he always knew where I was. But these feelings where so overwhelming, I could barely take it. Guess I was just to young. Or maybe it was not the right time.
We broke up and got back together for around 3 years until he left the town forever. Naive as I was, I believed he would come back to me! I believed that for a very very very long time! But he never came back and that broke me. It broke me so bad, that every time I met an actually nice man, I compared him to my ex. No one was good enough. I always thought, one day I will be Mrs. B., we would have children and be a happy family…
When my ex left, he took my heart with him, I was so afraid of love, that I built a big wall around me and shut down. And when I finally realized that when I want to find true love, I have to give him up, I have to let him go. I said to myself, that if he would have really loved me as much I loved him, he would have come back for me. Sad thing is, I never ever told him once, I loved him.
Recently he tried to add me on Facebook. Without a single word. Stubborn as I am, I declined the request. I bet he smiled at that, thinking, she didn´t change!
Would I take him back if I was single? I honestly do not know. We are older now. We moved on. Who knows if we would have still things in common? When I looked at his profile picture though, I wouldn´t have recognized him at all. He put a bit of weight on and for some reason reminded me of my father, hehehehehe… and who wants to date her daddy?!
He was my first love, we had good and bad times and I don´t regret anything. Back then it might have hurt to think about him, nowadays it just puts a little smile on my lips, it doesn´t hurt anymore because eventually I was ready for a (second) real love, but that is another story!