Month: October 2015

Sex Life? I barely know how to spell it!

Sex life… we all have it. Some more, some less, some don’t for a longer period.

The reasons why we often forget that there is something called “sex” which can be quite enjoyable if both parties knows how it’s done,  are simple:

We are too stressed, we are too tired, we don’t fancy our partner as much or worse, not at all, we are ill, we are single and not into one-nightstands, or we are single and into one-nightstands but nothing appealing around us, OR, and this can be a big issue, we have children!!!

Since we have children, our sex life is rather rare, because of some of the above mentioned reasons. Yes, I am often tired or too stressed, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want sex in general (sometimes I get accused of it by husband, but usually he takes it back after he has gotten what he wanted).

Hubby and me we have to be discrete and fast! Which also means, you have to be in the mood (some how) if you want to enjoy it.

If we are lucky at the weekend the children are  out of the house to play. That means for us, we have to have fun straight away- who knows if not one pooped the nappies or someone else forgot to go to the loo?

If we are unlucky and the children are around, it has to be somewhere in the house, locked in a room, barely breathing, frightened that the brute might hear you or try to open the door with the words “what are you dooooing in there???” which can put you off…

Once we have forgotten to lock the door and got caught by one of our daughters who was still little… I don’t need to mention that that was the end of the sex for that day!

Now you might say, “but they won’t live at home forever…” No they won’t, but when they move out, grandchildren will come to stay. And anyway who wants to wait until the birds leave the nest?!

So yes, sex life can be very tricky when you have distractions, no matter whether it is work- health- or child related. But good that there are always ways, like a few days ago when we managed to be all quiet and still had great fun early in the morning!!!

Where there’s a will there’s a way.


Do you miss your old life???

Sometimes I ask myself “do you miss your old life?” And every time I do so, there is this scene in my head from the movie

“The Witches Of Eastwick”. In this scene Jack Nicholson asked Cher a lot of questions, tells her that she always does the same things day in day out

and she knows he is right and she is hurt and wants to cry and feel better all at the same time. I don’t know why,  but really every single time I have this scene in front of my inner eye.

I do the same things every day. I get up, get the children ready, do the household,  shop for food, walk to school, exercise, cook, go out site with the children and at weekends go somewhere with the family…

Sometimes when my little ones are around me, talking nonstop, disturbing me with something, it is like the time stands still and I go back to old times when I didn’t have children or when I had only my two older ones who where quite independent back then… and SIGH.

I think about the times, when I just phoned up friends… going out all  night long for some drinks. Dancing all night in clubs. Going shopping just for myself, going to the sauna after a winter run and also (yes, I admit it) I loved the thrill, when you met a new man. The butterflies in the belly, the first kiss, the first sex. Sex with windows and curtains wide open as loud I wanted because there was no need to be discreet and quick in case children would bounce into the bedroom…

I think about the times when I traveled with a friend to London for shopping and clubbing, think about the time when I traveled to Ireland for a blind date.

When I think about those times  I am often in the house, getting rid of the mess my family left for me and gritting my teeth telling myself, I shouldn’t be doing that!!!

Do I want the old times back? Do I really miss it that bad?

No, I do not. When I feel gloomy or angry, the endless lonely nights are totally forgotten, somewhere hidden deep inside me.

Who wants to be alone forever just for fun times? I don’t!

Fortunately I love my children and husband, I couldn’t wish for a better family though they often drive me mental, especially my teenage daughter who starts her attitude early in the morning or the little ones who constantly want something or my son with his gobshite comments. Yes they can be a handful and at the end of the day my head is throbbing. But that is nothing compared to lonesomeness.

And than there are a lot of moments where you look at your family, your children, your husband and you think how blessed you are! Those moments are priceless…

If I want some “me-time”, I can still go for a run saturday mornings. If I want to go out, either I start to make friends where I currently live (I really should do that) or fly to see my friends and if I want  my butterflies to fly around in my belly I just pretend my husband is Colin Firth (just kidding, hehe)!

Thing is, if you want your old life back, make it happen and include your family as there is no going back in time! 

But really, there is a whole life ahead of me, it can only get better, so I grab it! Who knows what tomorrow brings? It could be a million £££ win from the lottery, it could be the desired running tights all of a sudden on sale or it could be a nice tender kiss of my hubby to remind me where my place is- what more could I possibly need? Nothing if you ask me!

Enjoy your life today, don’t live in the past!!!


Hate & Love

I hated the feeling in the night when I was little and my parents allowed me in their bed, but both turned they`re backs on me.

I hated the feeling when I had to get up in the morning to prepare my own breakfast for school.

I hated the feeling when my parents told me, they don`t believe in me.

I hated the feeling when my parents said, I will never make it in the world.

I hated the feeling even more, when my grandma once admitted, she doesn`t believe in me.

I hated the feeling of not being loved and supported.

I hated the feeling of underestimation.

I hated the feeling of letting my guard down.

I hated the feeling of not being good enough.

I hated the feeling when let down.

But other persons shouldn’t be hated by me and they are not because my heart is too good!!!

I loved the feeling when my children hugged me for the very first time.

I loved the feeling when I read your thank-you email for the flowers I send across the ocean just to cheer you up when you where in a dark place.

I love the feeling when standing under a hot shower after a cold winter run.

I love perfect deep blue sky because it reminds me of old innocent times.

I love the feeling when I sit on my sofa with a book and good music while the sun is shining through the window on my face.

I love the feeling when my favourite song suddenly plays up on the radio when I am in a bad mood.

I love the feeling when realizing that I can make everything, be everything and do everything I want to.

I love to be loved by my husband.

I love the little things in life and that is what counts the most!


When I win the lottery

Ever dreamed you won the lottery? No? Sure you did or at least imagined what would it be like, how it would feel! I do that a lot, especially in bed before I fall asleep.

When I would win the lottery I would do the following:

  1. I would buy a Mercedes Benz Viano. Not a new one, one that isn`t older than 2 or 3 years old. One with 8 seats. Awwww a big comfy car where the buggy and children fit in easily must be a bliss!
  2. I would buy this perfect house I found online in Edinburgh. It has one of those 20`s old coloured stone floors in the entrance, fireplaces and a big library which my husband would love
  3. I would sign my children into “Fettes School” in Edinburgh which is a private one.
  4. I would hire an architect to finish my parents house
  5. I would get my dearest friends and family something they really need but can`t afford
  6. IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE: I would buy a B&B and would turn it into a kind of “business”. I would give ex army members the opportunity to get their life back on track. Many live on the streets in the UK because they can`t get a job and/or somewhere to live. I would take them in, help them to find a job and also a flat. The first few weeks would be free of charge. Either I would have to finance it myself but hopefully I would find some sponsors for this project. People who fought for their country shouldn`t live on the street!

That is what I would do. Not to bad, I think. If you get something the least you should do is give a little back.

Ah forgot to mention: I wouldn`t be a woman, if I wouldn`t go for a little shopping trip myself!


E.E. Cummings Quote

Today I did too many things at a time.

While I tried to set up a Facebook page to connect it with my blog, I also had to check the dinner in the oven (I am famous for burning food!) and every time I left the dining room where I currently sit, my son Cash went straight to my notebook to press all sorts of buttons.

Meanwhile I had to check my invoice for the “Ben Nevis – Winter” Walk (a total of 300,-£ which hurts really bad) from

but couldn`t purchase it (maybe I am too dumb or too old to use online banking).  Also searching for sponsors online…

Then I needed to reply to the lovely company

“Handbag Makeover” where I send a handbag to I finally recently bought to make it look all nice again.

The food which I took out a minute ago, by the way, survived!

I also set up a second donate site but unfortunately can`t use it yet… Reason why I want another site is, because someone tried to hack my Paypal account- SO NOT NICE!!!

So I`ve been on the internet almost all day, oh and did I mention, I also did the laundry, walked Cailleach to school, went shopping for food (I got several complaints from my family because the fridge was empty) and have to go out again in a minute to get some sport items for my other daughter though my head is spinning?

I don`t know why or how I found this lovely quote:

To be nobody but yourself
in a world that`s doing it`s
best to make you somebody
else, is to fight the hardest
battle you are ever going to
fight. Never stop fighting.

E.E. Cummings

That just made my day because it is so true! Enough said for today!


Sporty Life Challenges Part II

I tried to add a site to my blog but for some reason it didn`t work, I just can`t find the site and it also seems that I am to dumb to add a Paypal link properly (any advise would be greatly appreciated). But okay here I go again:

Yesterday I applied for the “Ben Nevis – Winter” Walk and as I mentioned before, I am very excited because this is the very first timer ever, I do something on my own!

You don`t believe me? Well here are some examples of my life in the past:

When I was little I rather stayed inside than playing outside on my own
In school I stayed on the bench during break until break was over or someone asked me to play with her
When it was weekend and no one had time to go clubbing I also stayed at home
I never went to the pictures on my own or to a bar or to a cafe

The point is, I never did something alone because I am to shy to make the first move when it comes to approaching people. I was always the skinny girl, always shorter than everyone else, standing on her own…

I need to change that!!!

And I thought to myself, I would like to do a lot of those challenges like the winter walk and here in the UK are a lot of opportunities. The thing is, those opportunities are often charity ones (which is a good thing of course) and come with travel costs etc. And to be honest, I don`t have that much money to participate in as many I would like.

I want my dreams to come true, I don`t want to miss out!!! No one should!

And do you know what I also thought? Maybe that is my purpose! To participate in challenges to show women like me, that we can make it, that the little shy girl belongs to the past! That I built up something.

And that is why I need support! Yes money-wise, equipment-wise,

I need a sponsor

In return the sponsor can expect me to keep him/her up to date, I will wear they`re clothing, promote their companies. I will upload pictures from the events, will mention them and add links!

I know nowadays money is tight, but even if you are not able to donate, it would be great to share my page. And in case you can donate, here is the link:

The link should direct you to my Paypal donation site!

Thank you for your time!


Ben Nevis – Winter Walk PLEASE DONATE

For the first time ever, I am doing something just for myself! I must be mental, because I am so absolutely not the person who does things on her own except for shopping!

Usually I always need company when it comes to socializing. I would rather stay at home than go to the pictures, for a drink or clubbing!!! Really! I would be much too scared because I would feel like a weirdo all on my own and the fact that, unless someone talks to me first, I am unable to socialize by doing the first step doesn`t help either. I just don`t know how to approach people. Well I do but the fear to get rejected is just too much…

So this is what I just did:

I applied for the “Ben Nevis – Winter” walk beginning on 11. December 2015! Apparently to walk up to Mount Nevis takes between 8 – 10 hours (I am so excited I could wee myself). To participate I had to purchase a fee which was fine with me. But now comes the tough bit:

I have to raise at least 400,-£ for a charity of my choice which is “Willow”

The above link tells you everything about this foundation but to keep it short it makes (last) dreams come true for serious ill people between 16 – 40 years of age.

So if you read this it would be wonderful if you could donate (many a little makes a mickle) or at least share my link on your social websites! That would be greatly appreciated!!!


What ever you do, don`t lower your expectations!!!

For some reason I was always drawn to the bad guys. Or better they where drawn to me. I never looked for a boyfriend, they came to me like flies  to a cow!

I experienced gamblers, street fighters, druggies, psychos (the really bad ones like really really evil ones with twisted minds), mentally unstable still healing from a previous relationship…. you name it.

For different reasons it never worked out so that things ended sooner or later.

When I talked to my grandma, she said, “Well child, I think you should come down from your high horse and lower your expectations, you can`t have it all.” But I went “No, why would I do that? I don`t want to miss out on anything and lower my expectations would be exactly that!”

Another relationship ended and I remembered what my grandma said to me and I thought, maybe she is right, maybe my expectations are really too high. How likely is it to find someone who meets my standards?! It`s like the needle in the haystack. Very difficult if not impossible to find!

I decided to give it a go. I met a nice boy and we have been together 4 years in total. I did lower my expectations. For example was he younger than me, which normally puts me off as I am attracted to older men, but okay he was sweet and good-looking (grin). Unfortunately we  didn`t have anything in common but I thought, that is okay people say that can work.

But it didn`t. The last year was just a drought. I put a lot of effort in to make the relationship work because I didn`t want to fail again but at some point I realized, there was no love and it had to end. And the fact that I felt there isn`t much coming back from him didn`t help either! I also  realized that I shouldn`t have lowered anything as it was just a waste of time despite the nice time we once had!

I always wanted a man who is similar to me, mind wise. With a lot in common, looks is a minor matter but definitely  a plus if the desired person is a hottie!

So no! You shouldn`t lower your expectations! Follow your heart don`t listen what your brain whispers. Your heart and your guts are always right and in the end you will get there (I did)!


Sonnet of life

A sonnet is a first  kiss

which you will forever remember

and always will miss

The sweet kiss so soft so innocent so warm upon your lips

A sonnet is a flower bouquet

It smells so deliciously of freedom of sunshine

Of honesty

It warms your friend’s heart and you she knows we will forever be

A sonnet is family

She is around you, she supports you

No matter how bad the agony

A sonnet is love

A love that pleasures us

In the darkest of hours and will ever last