Month: September 2015

Meet my husband

I was a single mom of two for a couple of years. Socializing due to my busy job by the airport was quite difficult. When others went out, I slept. When I finished work around lunchtime, others worked. So what did I do? I browsed a bit around in “Interpals Penpals” and have seen a man from Ireland. I thought, “well… what do I have to lose? A little nice chat will not hurt”, so I have sent him a message and he replied a few hours later in the evening. The conversations we had where really nice and he didn´t even flirt with me, which for a penpal site is not so common. So of course he raised my interest, also maybe because he didn´t look like the type I usually would date! But because I wanted to be open-minded and because I am not a person who judges a book by its cover and he had a cute smile, I kept on chatting. So at some point when I was on leave (by then we exchanged emails for a few weeks) I suggested to meet. He invited me to Ireland so I went for a “blind date”, hopped in a plane and there I was: Dublin Airport. He was 20 minutes late and first I thought he stood me up but then I saw him. Short, a little belly, bald and somehow he reminded me of one of the smirfes from snow-white with his bat ears, hehehehe. But okay. We got along straight away and in the evening in a pub after a few pints he kissed me. And it was such a sweet kiss… a bit hesitant at first as if he would kiss for the first time and didn´t really know what to do… a hint of tongue every know and then. It got steamy at the end in his bed.. noooo not what you think… we didn´t go the whole way.

After a long weekend, he drove me back to the airport…he was all happy and so was I. He said that he doesn´t want to let me go and I replied, that I can come back if he wants me to and he said, he will book a flight and will visit me and so he did. Well, at least he booked his flight. But something changed. He sent me an email, which I read early in the morning just before I went to work saying “that I should phone him, that he has to talk to me”… so I phoned him straight away. A big mistake! He said, that he thinks “he isn´t really into it…he doesn´t have money to provide a good life anyway…he will not come…” I was so baffled. Later after my shift (I shed some tears IN FRONT OF EVERYONE for the first time ever) I phoned him again, explaining (incase he got the wrong impression), that all I wanted was to see if it works out between us. So he changed his mind and said, that he will visit me only to change his mind again the next day, all of a sudden to blame me, that I was to clingie and would set him under pressure, he will not come and don´t want to be with me.

OH MY… I was so down… for weeks…I was never down when a relationship ended. You must understand, I´ve got a huge ego. Plus normally it was me, who dumped boyfriends. And the fact that I got dumped by a jobless man who, according to ALL my good close girlfriends, should only go out in the middle of the night in a snowstorm didn´t make it easier. My self-esteem was like zero. Non existing.

I was so fed up with men. I wanted nothing to do with them. I really wanted to be single, though I am a terrible single. So I decided to sell all my belongings and applied for jobs in Ireland and Scotland.

One day, when I finally got my shit back together, I logged into interpals again. I just wanted to chat a bit, because I felt alone and bored. And that was, when I met my husband. His profile picture was so cute, but because I figured out, that he was armee, I thought “no, I know what they are like”. So I clicked his profile away. And back on, around 10 times until finally I send him an email to which he replied. I was so suspicious at first, as he almost instantly started to flirt, but I liked that. After a few emails he suggested to visit me (we lived in the same country back then). I felt a bit uneasy but agreed. So 5 days later I picked him up from the train station.

It was love at first sight, on a friday the 13th and exactly 4 month later in winter we got married in Edinburgh!!! And guess what?! He is a very hot bald tattooed irish hunk!

Everybody thought, we are mental. But we are so alike, it was the best thing I ever did. Sometimes you just have to listen to your heart and switch your brain off. In my case, that happens very often, sometimes it leads me in the right direction, well and sometimes it goes completely wrong. But that is life and I love my life and my husband very much. The question now is: How to keep the spark alive? More in my next blog…


How everything began

Let me tell you my story, a story about a girl who was always a bit different. Not in a bad way I like to think.

I grew up with an older brother and a younger sister. While my siblings where very open, I was shy and stubborn and wanted to do things my way- always! My mother was quite strict. When others where still a loud to play out site, I was already in and about to go to bed. I can´t even recall being on playgrounds with my parents. Guess they just not the type. I wasn´t even in kindergarten, went straight to preschool. I always make fun of it and say, no wonder I have difficulties to socialize, ha ha.

No seriously, you could put me in a room full of people and I just can´t bring myself to open my mouth and speak to them! It is different when I get spoken to, then I can be quite bubbly. I often wonder why that is? Is it, because I fear rejection? I don´t know. Or maybe the fear people might not like me? Hm… that is a good one. Actually I don´t really care, what people think about me as I like the way I am and if people don´t see my good heart, than they are not worth to be part of my life!

When I was younger I did a lot of stupid mistakes, like surrounding me with the wrong kind of “friends”. Friends who I found out later talked behind my back.

Or a big one was, that after my job trainee I just quit and worked for some tattoo shops instead to keep a well paid steady job.

But the biggest, biggest mistake was the following:

I was ready for children. Until I was 18 and never ever thought, I will have children, because I didn´t even wanted to hold a baby or even play with my younger sister (last one  probably was, because I was jealous as she was everybody´s darling). However. My back then best friend got pregnant and when I was in hospital to visit her, I held this little bundle of joy and I finally felt it. I wanted a baby. So one day when I was at work in a tattoo shop, I met a good looking boy. And when you just met everything is great, you only see pink and you think you are in love, specially when you are young. So him and me decided we want to try for a baby. Funny thing was, I must have gotten some when in between the first few times we had hot steamy sex! He was a bit shocked and then happy. My first son was born… and after a couple of month I wanted a little sister for him which came come true, but my partner wasn´t happy at all, but excepted it. And than our relationship went down the pipes. We argued a lot! Everything I did was wrong according to him! Of course there are always two sides of a story and I have to admit, I could have done more to keep the spark alive but I guess, I felt it wasn´t love and because I am a selfish person (yes, a big weakness of mine), I didn´t want to put anymore effort in!

One day, he said that he wants to split up from me. The first two days I was devastated. Early in my 20s, with a 3 and 1 1/2 years old toddlers, no job but do you know what? After the third day I felt so relieved that it was over! Months later when we argued about something (he moved out) he blurted out, that I don´t even try to win him back where I replied “why would I? I am glad it is over!”. After the split up I even found out, that he cheated on me and later he even got together with that girl… The reason why I really really regret ever meeting this man however is not the constant arguing, or that he was impatient with the children, not even that he cheated on me, not even that I had to beg for every single bit of child support, NO! The reasons are, that he always put massive stones in my way! Instead of seeing, what for a great job I did, by bringing up the children on my own, teach them to cycle, bind bows, how to swim (ha pat myself on the should), he threatened me to phone the police, because I was working, I would neglect my wonderful babies! He even tried to play the children against me, by saying if they want to, they can live with him… he did a lot of things but it would be too much to replay that in my mind. Just let me tell you this; I cried a lot! But I didn´t want my children to think bad of him, so I always hid my tears and never said a bad word about him as I want my children to make up their own mind. But do you know what? Constant rows about how to bring up children are so so exhausting…

We make mistakes in life, but in the end, you just grow stronger. You learn. And even become a better person!

Do I want my ex to die? Of course not! But sometimes I wish a bus would hit him. And maybe reverse and hit him again he would be fine after a while (big grin on my face)… what I do the same mistake again just to get those wonderful children? YES I WOULD, maybe just with my husband (it would have saved me a lot of tears and nervous breakdowns)

If I find time, I tell you my crazy story of how I found my husband, though I was totally fed up with men and for the first time in my life I wanted to be single (for the rest of my life)!

Franky (more…)

??? What is going on???

Well… I don´t really know how to begin… maybe one reason it, because one of my 4 children is around me and tries to press every single button on the laptop OR it is the fact that I am new to all this blogger things but I thought I give it a go, so here I am!

No one knows about it; not even my husband, think I want something just for myself. Because let´s face it, once you have children, you always share. Then you think, at some point your children will move out. Well, yes, they will. But soon after (hopefully not so soon), the grandchildren will follow and as a good grandparent of course you love your grandchildren and therefore you share things again.

Guess, I am drifting away…

In my blogs I want to share my days with you (at least if some readers are interested in my stories), tell you about my children, my husband, about friendship and life itself.

But for now, that´s it.

Oh sorry if some phrases seem a bit odd, english is not my mother tongue