No matter where I am, I see pregnant women. Or I see mommies with their newborns. Everywhere! Reason why I see them constantly probably is, that I wish I was them.
When it comes to babies, my brain switches of and only my heart keeps on beating and I think how wonderful it would be, to have one or two more of those cute little creatures who loves you unconditionally. What would I give to feel their first movements in my belly again, see little feet press against their 9 month 1 room apartment. To see my baby for the first time, to hold him or her, to smell the skin and to breastfeed….
Of course I totally forget, that my womb can´t carry another child because I already had 4 children, sadly through c-section and because of that I suffered from “hidden ruptures” which means, that the scar thinness out before the due date. I also forget, that my youngest one was a few weeks premature and that it would happen again. Also forgotten are the sleepless nights, because breastfed babies seem to drink 24/7. I don´t think about, that children when they get older cost a lot of money and that every child wants attention from mommy. And of course mommy forgets how awful she felt, because of all the extra weight she carried around and that she is one of those who doesn´t loose weight while breastfeeding.
Noooo, all I think is how wonderful it would be to have another little one in my arms.
When I see pregnant women or new mommies I smile. But it is a sad smile because I know I will never experience that ever again and I know I have to find a way to get over it.
I do have four wonderful children and that is more than most others have and I am grateful for them, but still… it makes me sad, a bit…