Worst

The blue in your eyes became a storm

And the fierce fire that has burned within you

Is snuffed out by sheer madness

While your body is violently trembling like a leaf

 

Shaking from a lovers fading touch

Your flesh still burning

From the remaining bits of love

A distinct scent kisses your shoulder

And endless memories are pumping through your veins

 

The hollow reflection that stares back at you

From a sea of sadness

Tells you to keep on breathing

Breathing breathing

 

Gone is the ones so bright light

Replaced by never ending dark nightmares

Enveloping you like a cozy blanket

 

Though my eyes  have seen it all

And my body felt it

I don’t know fear

Not anymore

Appreciation

I came to realize that I did not appreciate many precious moments I experienced!

When my teenagers where little, all I wished for was them to grow up a bit faster to be more independent.

I felt tired all the time, and every day was just a rush. Rushing to kindergarten, rushing to school, rushing to work…

And before I knew it, my babies turned into teenagers… literally in a blink of an eye and what did I do? I did it again:

When I clashed, as so many times, with my teenage daughter, I wished for her to be older so that she could move out and live her own life.

That is an awful thing to do!

I should have tried to spend more time with them, should have cuddled them more and told them, how much I loved them, I should have surprised them more often with little things or picnics. I should have done that every single day until now and every day coming!

If we are lucky, children live at home for 18, maybe 22… or even 25 years and compared to a (hopefully) long life, that is nothing! Nothing!!! It is such a short time you get to spend with them.

If you are lucky, they love you enough to phone and visit you on a regular basis. And if you are really, really lucky, they even live close by, so that you also get to see your grand-babies!!!

SIGH…. big SIGH….

When I was not working because the children where too little, all I did was complaining because I didn’t get to go out of the house. Complaining how bored and isolated I felt.

Instead I should have been happy about the fact, that I am actually be able to spend so much time with my children, get to sleep more and do what ever I want.

And I know I should show my husband more affection. I know I should miss him when he is away because one day, he might not be around anymore and I might regret my (non-) actions.

In this case it is not funny how my perception has worked out for me. No, it is rather sad.

But this is life and life never goes the way we want it to.

Guess, I keep on trying, trying to be the best mom and wife I can be. Trying to make it better and trying to make the best of life.

Franky

Partner?!?

Ok, so whooooo of you didn’t keep me posted?!

A few times now it happened that I was introduced to or that someone was talking about their partner.

Partner? I thought.

When I hear someone talking about their other half and is regarding to him/her as partner, I wonder if that person is

a) the  same sex or if

b) they are talking about a business partner?

Do the 30 something do that now, referring to our beloved one as partner? And if so, how come I missed this?

Is it outdated to introduce your partner (I still didn’t get over it) as your boy/girlfriend?

Or is introducing your partner as boy/girlfriend seen as immature? Is this an adult thing?

I mean, I have a husband so I introduce him as husband (I don’t think there is another term for it, or is there?!).

But still, it bothers me.

Guess I keep on wondering.

Franky

 

WordPress- the gym membership

Yesterday I realized, that WordPress has become my gym membership.

Some people sign gym memberships and after some time, they just don’t turn up anymore but keep on paying!

That is exactly me at the  moment!

I went from posting a couple of times per week, to every once in a while, which I think is bad!

But I guess I just don’t have much to say…. or maybe I have something to say, but don’t find the time because I am too exhausted or have 3 million other things to do which have priority!

Maybe I should call it a day….

Or maybe I should call life a day!!!

Franky

My first run….

… after at least 6 month of no running was actually quite good.

I woke up this morning, looked outside and what have I seen? Nothing but fog!

Let me tell you, my heart skipped a beat!

So I got my shorts out (yes, even in North Yorkshire and though it is October you can still run in shorts!), my long sleeve, socks and shoes, dropped one baby off at the school bus, the other one at nursery and off I ran over the trails.

I didn’t go very far, as I know you can’t go from zero to hundred and believe me, I did that many times before due to impatience, but this time I thought

Lets be sensible this once.

I only felt a tiny niggle at my knee and had to catch my breath twice after a hill (at least I made it up with 20 seconds of choking, but I got my act together!).

Back home after a bit of stretching I pulled my weights out and trained for another 30 minutes. I am at 14kg at the moment but will increase as soon it gets lighter/easier (my love handles and me are still at war).

At the moment I am totally into dead lifts with different variations like one leg dead lifts (my arms where burning and I really had to concentrate balancing on one leg while trying to watch telly at the same time, *giggles to herself*).

AND a few seconds ago I found another xbionic marathon shorts online for a real bargain which I actually should not buy as money is tight, but hey, it is a BARGAIN!!! I better not mention this beautiful Mulberry handbag which would look so good on me…….

So all in all, a good day.

Franky