Two steps forward, one step back…

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…. that’s basically it for I don’t know how long this year.

Since my husband decided he doesn’t want to be in his current job, we have to move house by 1. June 2018. Which actually means, we need/want to buy a house as soon as possible.

No, let me rephrase this:

We have to buy a house rather this year than next. Problem is:

We would like to put a higher deposit for a mortgage down and would like to pay off our car and to do so, we need money.

Money my nice parents and also my uncle would lend us.

BUT

My parents need to sell a property first. But the mills of God grind slowly! Very, very slowly. One tiny peace of paper has to send from a to b over to c, back to a and so on and on…. that takes a lot of time. Time we don’t have!

My uncle is waiting for money to come through as well, but again, we don’t know when and it may be also too late.

You see, two steps forward, one back-

Throughout the year.

And for almost a month I am suffering from a thumping tinnitus and the doctor did not solve/found the problem yet.

I have no idea why it suddenly started, as I didn’t do anything that could have caused it.

So, we don’t have a house which we desperately need, I have a tinnitus, am constantly tired and run around with puffy eyes.

Oh and did I mention I have a very annoying teenage daughter?

Every time when I read about naughty teenagers or saw bad behaved young teens on the street I thought, it must be the parents fault! Suuuurely it must be!

But…. my son who is only 1 1/2 years older is treated exactly the same way and he is nothing like his sister!

She is driving me out of my mind so much so, that if I would win the lottery I would take the easy way out and send her straight to boarding school so that they could put up with her!

Hey, I love my life!!!

Franky

 

Past life

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I always wondered, why I felt so attached to the UK.

Ever since I was a little girl, I was fascinated by everything English speaking, by the people who looked so different than us Germans.

Back then we had some British TV channels, which I watched with great delight and as soon I could read, I would read my big brothers English school books, though I did not know whether I pronounced it correct, nor did I know what it meant.

I always thought, if there is such thing as a former life, I am sure, I must have lived somewhere on my beloved island.

So recently I tried one of those past life regression hypnosis videos and followed the instructions.

While I was lying in bed all cozy, I started to relax, my body grew heavier….

And this is what I have seen in my mind:

My name was David, I was a blond boy, around 10 years old. I have worn 3/4 brown worn out pants and a light white/cream shirt.

I lived 1818 on a farm. Either the farm was called Arwy or Aerwy (welsh, I think) or it was my surname.

My mothers name was Evelyn and I had a sister,  which was close my age. I think I had a father as well, but have seen this person only once on a field, working.

I also have seen myself (the boy) sitting on a wooden table, eating out of a white metal bowl and we where a happy family.

I died 1828. I have seen myself lying dead in my clothing on the bed, my mother and sister crying. I did not see me father, he might have been dead by then.

And what I felt was, that I should live life and be happy.

That was so strange, so surreal. But it also reflects my now life. Back then I might have not had much, but I was happy, just like it is now.

One day, I will go back in time to see, if there where more lives as it was so  interesting and exciting to find out about the past and I like to believe what I saw, was real and not something my mind made up.

Franky

Don’t look down on people!

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The other day my husband and our youngest one where out, sitting in a well known fast food restaurant, waiting for our order.

And I did something awful! I looked at the staff behind the counter and wondered if they didn’t learn something proper that they have to work in such a place.

But seconds later I realized what I did.

I did the same many do to me when I am at work, which is also a big fast food chain:

People come in and they look you up and down, often have a smirk on their face and are impatient when you don’t type in their order fast enough.

Little do they know, that sometimes people have no choice but to work in shops well known to employ without work specific knowledge, degrees, diplomas and I don’t know what else, because it is the closest to where they live and they can’t afford to work further away, like me.

Usually I don’t mind they’re looks but when it does get to me, I think:

Just out of their nappies, still wet behind their ears and giving me “the look”. I have so much work experience, it would last for two lives!!!

So though the staff might not have realized my look, I do apologize. It was thoughtless.

Franky

 

In the arms of an angel

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I am falling through love and I am falling through pain

And once the pain subsided (as good as it gets)

 

I am falling through laughter and also through tears

And after I make my way out of endless tears

 

I am falling through happiness and I am falling through despair

But despair is such a dark place, I need to hurry and so

 

I am falling through rich times (and with rich times) I am falling through poor times

And while I keep on falling, I am falling while in the arms of an angel

Sun

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Feeling the sun on my

Tongue makes the world a better place

And my blue soul disappears

 

 

 

 

The lines came to my mind while standing at traffic lights this morning, listening to a Marvin Gaye song, the sun shining upon my smiling face…..

 

Undisturbed Sleep

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I am certain I said it in a previous post, but I say it again:

I am sleep deprived!!! Which is very exhausting. Every morning, even when I get to go to bed at 8pm, I have to force myself out of bed!

Not because I am a I-love-to-sleep-in sort of type, no, because I get easily disturbed!

Have you watched the movie “Trainwreck”? The scene when Amy Schumer stays over at the doctors?

THAT is so me!

My husband claims he can’t fall asleep when he can’t touch me, so he often puts at least one foot on my leg (where I often wonder, how is it he says he can’t fall asleep without touching  me, when he is wearing socks in bed?!? He can’t really feel anything anyway!).

When he does so, I am wide awake, eyes like saucers, waiting for him to fall asleep and when he finally does, I either move his leg over (but that only works when he is already snoring), or I move to the edge of the bed.

It all started when I was a little baby. I would not fall asleep on the arm or in the same bed as my parents, they had to put me in my own cot! So when they put me down, I fell asleep without whinging and that lasted for at least 10 hours!

My parents where so spoiled (at least as long I was an innocent, helpless baby), they often had to check if I was still alive and wake me up!!!

As long I was in my own bed, nothing could wake me up. I had a very deep sleep. Early to bed and early back up throughout my teens and into adulthood.

At least as long I was single!

When I was in a relationship, my sleep got disturbed by unruly, other, not to me belonging body parts!

Sure when you are still in your “honeymoon-phase”, it feels cosy and you want to touch your new man’s/woman’s body constantly, but when it comes to MY sleep, it is no fun!

So what did I do?! I pretended to be all loved up and comfy, just to wait for the guy to fall asleep so I could roll over to my side (at least if the bed was big enough) to get at least a bit of sleep myself.

I am sorry, but I just can’t do it! Never could, never will!

I don’t want to get breathed at and I don’t want to have way to warm body parts slung over me.

I need my sleep! Sleep is important! I don’t get much as it is!

So dear God, do you hear me? If so, can you send someone down at nighttime who could prevent hubby from sneaking up on me? Hm…. I can’t quite hear you but presume you got my message and granted my wish!

Many thanks!

Franky